


Human Behavior

by StaticLantern



Series: Feil Universet [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Depression, Mental Health Issues, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-01-24 14:44:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 48,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1608908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StaticLantern/pseuds/StaticLantern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being stripped of his immortality and banished to Asgard, Loki struggles to pick up the pieces of his life that's been crumbling apart since he learned his true heritage. Meanwhile, Clint tries desperately to adjust to living in the same building as Loki and eventually gives in and visits a psychiatrist to recover his memories from his time with Loki.</p><p>With Loki's spiraling mental stability and Clint's growing irritability, the mental states of each Avenger slowly begin to deteriorate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Banishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For his crimes against the nine realms, Loki is banished to serve out the rest of a mortal life on Midgard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> Http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

Finally. Judgement day. Long awaited from a dark cell. Punishment had been passed time and time again, Loki’s back still felt the sting of it’s tongue, but today was the final moment. Months had passed, leaving the man wondering if he was to greet the axe, or stay locked in his cell forever. Neither had more appeal than the other, nor did Loki exactly sway from either.  
His steps slowed, the noise from his shackles dying down.  
“Hello mother,” Loki gleamed at Frigga, “Are you proud of me now?”  
Her head jerked ever so slightly to the side, her jaw clenched, “Please, don’t make this worse.” Her voice was pleading in such a way only Loki could really tell. A profound between ‘mother’ and ‘son’.  
“Define worse.”  
“Enough!” Odin’s powerful voice cut them off before any further words could be exchanged, “I will speak to the prisoner alone.”  
Frigga stood idol for a moment, staring at her lost son, as though searching desperately for something that might help him. In the end, she had to leave. Her footsteps echoed throughout the hall, disappearing, perhaps for the last night.  
Loki turned his attention to the Allfather again, stepping forward, the guards hesitantly allowed his leeway. He took two, three steps forward before swinging his leg around, bringing it to attention beneath him as a silent, mocking salute. He stayed stiff for perhaps half a second before relaxing his body, taking a wider stance and laughing.  
“I really don’t see what all the fuss is about.”  
“Do you not truly feel the gravity of your crimes?” Odin growled, clearly trying to contain his rage, “Where ever you go, there is war, death, and ruin.”  
“I went to Midgard to rule the people of Earth.” Loki replied, his chin tilted upwards arrogantly, “As a benevolent God. Just like you.”  
“We are not Gods.” Odin’s words were short and precise, “We are born, we live, we die. Just as humans do.”  
“Give or take 5,000 years.” Loki replied, chuckling quietly, almost to himself, as though the remark was not quite meant for Odin.  
Odin fell silent, his piercing gaze on his former son. His face was a blank slate, though it expressed more rage than one could imagine, “All this. Because Loki desired…. a throne.”  
“It is my birthright!” Loki snapped, showing for the first time a true emotion.  
“You birthright. Was. To die!” His words were cruel, pointedly so, “As a child. Cast out onto a frozen rock. If had not taken you in you would not be here now to hate me.”  
“If I’m for the axe, then for mercy’s sake just swing it.” Loki presented an appearance of painful boredom, “It’s not that I don’t love our little talks, it’s just…. I don’t love them.”

Odin stood, raising his sceptre inches above the floor, “Frigga is the only reason you’re still alive, and you will never see her again.”  
Loki’s jaw fall open slightly, clear emotion splayed from his eyes.  
“I’ve made a decision.” Odin said. He stepped down from the throne, the guards stepping forward and reclaiming Loki’s chains. The Allfather walked past them, leading them out of the throne room. At the end, Thor met them just outside the doors, and not much further away, Sif and the Warriors three watched curiously.  
“Is this the decision then? Is the almighty Thor to be my ultimate executioner?” Loki chuckled. There was an artistic justice in it. Thor shook his head though, his face solemn. He turned then, taking up step beside his father, and the parade continued. Loki walked in silence, not letting on the confusement stirring inside him as they walked on along the rainbow bridge.

~~~

Upon entering the Bifrost, the guards left, quickly replaced by Frigga who cast a look at Odin, daring him to tell her to leave.  
“This looks serious.” Loki remarked, the first words to escape anyone’s mouth since leaving the castle.  
“Loki… Laufeyson.” Odin began, pausing after, “...As Allfather, I’ve come to the decision… I hereby banish you to Midgard, where you will serve out the rest of a mortal life.”  
The trickster laughed, looking from Odin, to Frigga, and back again, “This must be some sort of joke. You’re ordering me back to the place I tried to rule?”  
Thor spoke this time, “I’ll be going with you. To keep an eye on you.”  
“As well as?” Loki laughed, raising an eyebrow, the two knowing precisely what he was getting at.  
No one wanted to be the first to speak, but Odin tossed a look to Frigga. Her time to say goodbye was now or never. She rushed past her husband and embraced Loki, who returned the hug as best he could with chains still inhibiting his movements. After a moment, she let go, stepping away and looking away.  
“Well? Are we going to stand around acting forlorn, or was there an actual intention of following through with this nitwitted plan?”  
Odin’s face was blank, staring down at his son, “Open the Bifrost, if you will, Heimdall.” He said, not taking his eyes from Loki.  
“Loki… You have wreaked havoc across the nine realms. You’ve committed treason, acts of war, genocide, and countless other crimes. Through your arrogance and selfishness, you’ve taken the lives of hundreds and brought the nine realms to war. You are unworthy of this realm,” The shackles were removed, “unworthy of your title, unworthy of those around you who have done nothing but loved and supported you,” his hand snapped back to Thor and Frigga, “I hereby take from you, your power,” Loki’s jacket and armour was stripped, a slight glow going with them, “In the name of my father,” Thor handed Mjolnir to Odin, who used it to remove chainmail, and further, Asgardian immortality, “and his father before, I cast you out!”  
Odin thrust the hammer forward, sending Loki flying into the Bifrost, further magics and fabrics being stripped of his body. Thor turned to his mother, who was trying desperately to retain sobs, and hugged her quickly before following Loki through the portal.

~~~

Stars and clouds, streaks of colour and a clash of limbs created a hectic descent to Midgard. Halfway down the bridge, Thor had shot forward and grabbed ahold of Loki around his waist. When they landed, Thor made sure they landed feet-first, upright, unlike he himself had when he was banished, having landed face-first.  
It was mid-evening when they arrived, the sun already hidden behind the horizon. Loki stumbled a bit, being steadied by Thor’s arm, which as soon as he regained himself, he yanked away from. He was dressed in simple pants, boots, and a dark green tunic with long sleeves. He looked broken and tired, unlike his usual regal self. Thor gave him time, watching at the ready though, as his brother stumbled around the imprint from the bifrost, breathing heavily, in a state of internal panic. Even as his brother turned away, he could see what Loki was doing. He was checking to see what magics he’d retained.  
His skin shifted blue, the first thing he checked. He’d retained his Jotun form and ice powers, but any other ability had been stripped from him. Loki was still in a state of panic though, however well he was hiding it outwardly.  
After Thor was sure Loki wouldn’t outright attack him, he stepped forward the man again and took him by the arm, “Come, we must seek out SHIELD. They won’t take kindly to you being here without them being informed.” Loki ripped his arm from Thor’s grasp.  
“You think I care what the humans think of my return? Let them come.” Loki paused for a moment, grinding his teeth, then, though knowing it futile, he turned to leave.  
“Where are you going?” Thor called to him, exasperated.  
Loki ignored him, too disarrayed to come up with a clever remark. Thor rolled his eyes and followed Loki, “I suppose it doesn’t really matter where we go, SHIELD will find us eventually.”

And that they did. They’d barely made it two miles before black cars were pulling up beside them. The first slowed to a halt just beside Thor and Loki, the window rolling down to show Maria Hill in the front seat.  
“Hey boys, need a ride?” She asked, smiling at Thor.  
Thor grinned back, “It’s good to see you again, we’d love a ride, isn’t that right Loki?” He elbowed his brother, who had taken a vow of solemn silence for the time being. Thor pulled the back seat open and forced Loki in, following him after.  
“Where were you heading?” Maria asked, her wary eyes on Loki in the rearview mirror.  
“Nowhere in particular, we were right in assuming you’d find us before we got far.” Thor replied, smiling, but his eyes were on her, waiting to see what reaction she’d give.  
“Well, sorry for taking so long. We would have been here sooner, but Fury wanted to see the data on your arrival before sending teams out. He likes to be in the loop.”

~~~

The rest of the drive was uneventful and relatively quiet. Upon arriving in the city, the two were taken to a tall, bland looking building. Loki was silent, but calm in the elevator, beginning to resemble his usual self again. Maria lead them to Fury’s office and left, barely even saying a word.  
“You got a new building.” Loki mused, “I think I rather liked the other one better.”  
“Quiet you.” Fury snapped, clearly unhappy, “You wanna tell me why you brought him back?”  
Thor stepped forward, “I am sorry Director Fury, I knew you would not be happy, but it was my father’s wish he be here. He is, for the most part, harmless though.”  
Loki opened his mouth to say something, but Thor brought Mjolnir up quickly, pointing it at him, silencing whatever string of clever words were about to exit his mouth.  
“Harmless?” Fury replied, half a question, and half demanding.  
“The Allfather stripped him of most of his abilities. He’s mortal now.”  
Loki snorted, shifting from leg to leg, dying to say something but knowing it best to stay quiet.  
Fury stood, looking at Thor, then shifting his gaze to Loki.  
“So assuming we need to kill him, that’s not going to be impossible?” He asked, his stare piercing.  
“Assuming it came to that, yes.” Thor looked back too. Loki was testing how far he could wander, taking steps around the office, but keeping a general two foot radius.  
“Good. I’m assuming you knew we’d pick you up?” Fury’s attention was now on Thor, and slightly more relaxed.  
“Yes. I assumed you’d know, and would demand an explanation,” Thor explained, “And I also assume you want to keep him here under your supervision. Am I correct?”  
“You’re damn right.” Fury replied, “No way in hell I’m gonna let him out of my sight.”  
“Seems like it wouldn’t be easy.” Loki replied, winking.  
“Very funny.” Fury deadpanned, “He do that a lot?”  
“Unfortunately.”

Loki was dealt with and Thor left, bidding a solemn farewell to his brother, and made his way out of the building, briefly escorted to and from the elevator. On exiting the building, he was pleased to run into a familiar face.  
“Thor!” Six feet of muscle jogged towards him, a confused smile on his face.  
“Steve, it’s good to see you.” Thor smiled, shaking the man’s hand.  
“What are you doing here?” He asked, taking a second to catch his breath.  
“Well… I actually just left Loki with Director Fury.” He replied, his smile fading.  
“Loki? Why is he here?”  
“He was banished. I guess since it worked so well with me, Odin wanted to try it on him. That or he was just tired of listening to Loki’s nonsense.” He chuckled and Steve joined in shortly.  
“Well I certainly hope it works. He’s not dangerous is he?”  
“Not anymore, or at least not very much.”

“Look what the cat dragged in.” Natasha came up behind Steve, offering a hug to Thor before stepping back beside her friend.  
“Natasha, I’m glad to see you as well!” Thor reciprocated the hug and looked back between the two.  
“So are you here to stay, or are you heading back to Asgard?” Steve asked.  
“I’m staying. Which, I’m glad to run into you two, I was hoping to find Jane Foster.” The man looked around, “I’m rather lost, and I’m not exactly certain on how to locate her.”  
“Well I’m sure Stark will have some ideas, why don’t we take a trip down there and ask. I’m sure he’ll love the company.” Natasha suggested, taking the keys back out of her pocket.  
“Absolutely.” Thor smiled again, prepared to follow Natasha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	2. Adjustment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor is quickly ushered back to Stark tower where he is offered a place to live, the other Avengers are informed of Loki's new residency on Earth, and everyone must make adjustments to the Asgardians now living among them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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It was growing late, the sun having set on New York and dusk was setting in. Lighting was low, but that meant nothing to Tony Stark, who had locked himself in his lab for the past several hours, fixing and maintaining suits, and generally just messing around with Bruce Banner, who had been coming in and out of the lab since Tony had gone down to work. It was nice having someone around, since Pepper was out a lot these days, even if Bruce was usually hidden away in his room, or out for work like Pepper.  
Half an hour had gone by since Tony had turned the volume on his music down to almost a whisper so he and Bruce could go at it about the way Tony was working on a new suit. Bruce was trying to make suggestions for one of the weapons, and Tony was trying to insist it would work better the way he was doing it. They were like children with degrees in engineering.

“Tonyyy.” Natasha knocked on the lab door, calling to the men inside. Upon getting their attention, she pointed to the two beside her, extracting a sort of gleeful surprise from the scientists who’d previously been arguing. Tony jogged over to the door, pulling it open.  
“Well, isn’t this a surprise.” Tony remarked, bouncing his head as his gaze went from Natasha, to Steve, to Tony. “Welcome back big guy, didn’t think I’d ever see you again. Loki’s not trying to break my tower again is he?”  
Thor laughed, shaking Tony’s hand, “No, he’s actually with SHIELD right now.”  
“Yeah, still don’t know what that’s about.” Natasha said pointedly, tossing a joking look at the two.  
“Well it’d probably go quicker to just explain it to everyone at once.” Steve replied. Thor nodded in agreement.  
“Ok, well as you can see, most of us are here. Not sure where your boyfriend is Nat, but Pepper is out tooo…”  
“San Diego, sir.” JARVIS said, routinely reminding Stark.  
“Right! Annnd that should be everyone right?”  
“Should be.” Bruce nodded, standing up now to join the group.  
“I’m sure you can do the honours of filling Pepper in. Why don’t you guys go on up and I’ll find Clint, then you guys can tell us what the heck is going on.” Natasha ducked out then, off to locate the man who, as was normal with him, was no where to be found and possibly not even in the tower.

About an hour later, the group had converged in the top floor, where everyone usually hung out when there was an everyone to hang out. Steve had gone directly to the small kitchen off to the right where he poured himself a glass of apple juice, downing half of it at once. Thor idolled around the living room area, waiting on everyone else. Bruce sat in a chair not far from Thor, and Tony perched himself on the counter in the kitchen. Natasha and Clint came in soon afterwards, Clint soaked in sweat, dawning a grey tank top and black sweats, clearly having been training somewhere.  
After Thor slowly explained the earlier events of the day regarding Loki, everyone was silent. Of course, there had been questions as to how dangerous he was and other inquiries of the sort, but afterwards, most were concerned about Clint’s reaction as he had most reason to be upset with Loki being back, not only on Earth, but in the same city as him. Clint refused to talk about anything that had happened while under Loki’s control other than a few words about having been forced to kill innocent people, but anything he said was brief and the subject was changed quickly after. Everyone had their suspicions as to what may have happened that caused him to be so clamped about the situation, but no one dared say anything to him directly.

“Clint?” Natasha asked, touching her hand to his shoulder. He looked up, having seemed to disappear in thought, and looked around.  
“Yeah, that’s cool. I’m sure SHIELD will probably do something with him. Or they’ll just keep him shut up in a cage, I don’t really care.” Clint sort of shrugged, seeming completely disinterested in the topic.  
“It does not bother you?” Thor asked, the first to show a mild confusement by Barton’s response.  
He shrugged again, “What can he really do as a human, basically, in SHIELD’s hands? I dunno, I trust them not to give Loki ultimate power, pat him on the ass, and tell him to have fun.”  
Bruce and Tony laughed, Bruce more inwardly than Tony. “I should hope so at least,” Tony replied through laughs. Clint joined in. Thor and Tony weren’t quite so amused, but weren’t really worried.  
“So!” Tony clapped his hands together and turned his attention to Thor, “You got a place to stay?”  
“Uhm. Not really. I was hoping to locate Jane Fo-”  
“Great! Come with me.” Tony cut him off and slid off the counter, slapping Thor’s arm as he passed him.  
“Oh great, I wonder how long Stark’s been dying to show you this.” Natasha replied, laughing. Everyone stood and followed Tony and Thor out to the elevator. They only went down a few levels before piling out.  
“JARVIS, if you will.” Tony said, almost as an announcement as he took up a stance beside the only door in the hall. The door unlocked and swung open, Tony bringing up a hand to gesture Thor into the room.

The room was decorated in dark, rich colours. Thick, red curtains that looked like they cost a fortune hung in front of an expanse of window on the opposing wall, overlooking the city. In the middle of the room was a large bed, covered with a complete set of pillows and sheets and piles of blankets. Thor’s name had even been embroidered on some of the pillow cases.  
“What… What is this?” Thor asked, after having silently wandered around the room in awe for several moments.  
“Yours.” Tony replied, matter-of-factly, “After the Hulk smashed up the place, and your brother knocked out some of the windows, and you know, just general wreckage, I rebuilt it with some changes. Here, look.”  
Tony was absolutely giddy.  
The group shuffled to a room off to the right that had been built as a training room, specific to Thor. His was bigger than the others’, being build for Thor to throw his hammer.  
“I had to create a new metal for that back wall, it’s actually the same as the one I used in Bruce’s room. It’s designed to give, but not break, and it can withstand incredible pressure and still bounce back, so you can throw your hammer as hard as you want. All of the equipment is made from the same stuff.”  
Thor looked completely struck, speechless, and still in a complete state of awe.  
“Thank you, Tony.” He said finally, turning to his friend, “Truly, thank you for this.”  
“Ah don’t sweat it big guy. Gave me something to do, and it was pretty fun coming up with stuff you couldn’t break. In fact, most of the tower is built out of that stuff now so, really you did me a favour.” Of course, Tony was incapable of taking honest compliments. He always found a way to turn it around on the other person.

Thor took some time after to settle into his room, agreeing to stay there, at least part time as he did want to be with Jane. Afterwards, Bruce helped him find Jane (who was currently on a trip to London), and taught Thor how to use a phone so he could talk to her.  
Tony disappeared to his lab again for the night, Bruce turned in, and Clint, Natasha, and Steve settled down to watch a movie before going to bed. It was one Steve hadn’t seen before, so it was exciting to see him catch up more on the modern world.  
The next week went relatively the same as it normally did. Stark was enthralled in his work and rarely left his lab except at night when everyone hung out upstairs, Steve went out a lot, to museums and cafes and just generally spends a lot of time outside, out and about in the world. Natasha goes out on missions a lot, and Clint accompanies her or goes on his own sometimes. Bruce left to go consult on a project in Quebec, didn’t know when he’d be back, and Pepper called to let Tony know she’d be back soon and to try not to burn anything down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	3. Imprisonment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With his powers gone, Loki is forced to adjust to now living deep within the heart of SHIELD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr!
> 
> Http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

For a long time, Loki was kept in a containment cell in the lower levels of SHIELD headquarters. He couldn’t help but feel like he was in the exact same situation as he was on Asgard. Dumped in a prison with no hope of escape, no visitors except to be fed, most likely forgotten about. For a long time he sat in his prison, cursing Odin’s name for doing this to him, for Thor who probably suggested it in the first place, and even sometimes himself for allowing this to happen. He grew bitter, but mostly he grew bored and depressed. He was trapped in a box with nothing to do, day-in and day-out.  
Finally, one day, an agent came down and stood in front of him. He ignored her for a long time, but when she didn’t leave, he stood and walked to the glass, “I’m not going to perform a trick, if that’s what you’re waiting for.” He hissed.  
“You could call it that if you want to, but either way, come with me.” She replied, calm, clearly used to this sort of treatment from her line of work, dealing with people like him all the time.  
Loki rolled his eyes, “Not like I have anything better to do.”  
She unlocked the door and let him out. Curiously, he followed her, not feeling a need to try to attack her. In all honesty, he was very wary of his new-found mortality. He felt weak and fragile, as if the tiniest things could kill him. For the first time, he looked at the human in front of him, and felt evenly matched, if not less than.

The two took an elevator up several floors before getting out, this level having no windows, and was positively crawling with SHIELD agents.  
“What is this?” Loki asked, glaring around suspiciously.  
“A training level, for the newbies.” She replied, waving at someone, “Fury wants you to train here, with everyone else.”  
Loki laughed, “You want to train me? Why?”  
“He’s hoping he can make you a productive member of society or something. Even if that worked though, I doubt he’d ever put you out into the field.” The woman led him down a long hall, passing dozens of agents as they moved.  
“I don’t suppose it would be a smart move on his part.” Loki replied, still casting wary looks at the people around him.  
The girl paused outside a room now, “You’re gonna go in there, and try not to die, ok?”  
“Excuse me?” But she was already opening the door and pushing him inside. Afterwards, she went up a flight of stairs nearby to watch from the observation deck.

Loki stopped as soon as the doors closed behind him. He was in a large, seemingly empty room. Cautiously, he stepped out of the doorway and into the actual room, ears strained for any sound. Across the room, the wall opened up and a robot of some sort emerged. It shot a single beam of light across the room at a punching bag, pushing it back slightly, but not doing any real damage.  
“That was a warning shot.” The woman from early spoke over the PA system, “I was exaggerating a bit when I said not to die. We’re gonna be testing some lower level stuff on you. Disarm the robot, and we’ll move you onto something higher.” And that was the end of her instruction.  
“This is ridiculous.” Loki hissed under his breath, but there was no chance of ignoring the orders. The robot send another beam hurtling towards him, which landed a heavy blow against his chest, sending him back a foot or so, and successfully removing all of the air from his lungs.

What seemed like hours later, Loki managed to disarm the machine, having froze it before sending a dumbbell from the corner of the room flying into it, shattering the top half of it. When the woman came back into the room, Loki was leaning against a wall, breathing heavily, sweaty, with several bruises beginning to surface on his body.  
“Well done.” She chimed, seeming relatively pleased with his performance.  
“Hardly.” Loki growled. This experience had only cemented his fury for being human, solidified his fears of being weak and fragile, and powerless. Moreso, he felt tired, sore, and there was a strong ache in his left wrist.  
“Well, you completed it faster than most new agents do, so you have at least that.” She offered him a smile, but Loki was in no mood for her charity. “Come on, you could use some food, or some water at the very least.”  
Despite Loki’s dislike of the agent, and his situation in general, he followed her out the room. It seemed to take forever, but he eventually caught his breath. As they walked down the hall towards the elevator, Loki became aware that he was limping, a sharp pain occurring in his hip and knee everytime he took a step. When they reached the elevator, he leaned against the wall, rubbing a hand against his hip.  
“You good?” The woman asked, raising an eyebrow at him.  
“I’m fine.” He snapped.  
“Danni.”  
“What?” The elevator stopped and the doors slid open, having only taken them up a floor or two.  
“Danni. It’s short for Danielle.” She replied, stepping out and, once again, leading him up the hall.  
“Yes, and?”  
“It’s my name. I thought it might be useful information. Or at least put us on an even playing field, since I already know your name.” She tossed a smile back at him before pushing the doors open and disappearing into the cafeteria.  
Loki sighed exasperatedly and followed.  
The cafeteria was loud, but not overwhelmingly so. It was filled with SHIELD agents, sitting, relaxing, eating in various groups at the tables. Danni had left Loki alone to go get her food, and he assumed she had better things to do than keep him company while he ate. It was a safe assumption to make that he wasn’t allowed to leave the cafeteria, as that would mean he was going unsupervised, but frankly he didn’t really care.  
After retrieving a tray full of food, he turned, hoping to slip out of the bustling room to find someplace quiet to eat. He’d made it only half way across the room though when Danni came up behind him and, grabbing his arm, dragged him away from the door and over to a relatively empty table. He cursed under his breath.  
“Soo, who’s the underling?” The woman who was already placed at the table looked Loki up and down and tossed a smile at Danni.  
“Loki, he’s training under me for now. I thought I was supposed to trade off with someone before now, but no one’s said anything. I’ll have to talk to Coulson, this seems like his division.” She replied, taking a bite of salad from her tray.  
“Coulson? Didn’t I kill him?” Loki asked nonchalantly, as though it was normal and not at all something that might cause a stir.  
The woman paused and looked at Danni, clearly confused and on guard.  
“I… he was injured a while ago, but… he’s alright now.” Danni was just as confused. It was then Loki realized someone had failed to fill Danni in on exactly who Loki was, or at least on some of the things he’d done. Perhaps he could find a way to… have fun with that.  
“How- um, how was he hurt?” He asked, trying to suppress laughter.  
“...He was stabbed during the attack last year.” The woman replied, speaking calmly but confusion was still blatant on both of their faces.  
“By whom?”  
Danni spoke this time, “By.. er… We don’t really need to know information like that.”  
A small smile cracked across Loki’s face, but he quickly stifled it. Reaching a hand out, he rested it on Danni’s, “Sorry, just one more question. Did anyone at least think you might need to know why I was in prison down there?”  
Danni coughed, retracting her hand and looking very uncomfortable. She stood, picking up her tray, “Excuse me, I have um-... Evy, can you take him back to his quarters when you’re both done eating, I need to talk to someone.”  
“Uh, yeah. I can do that.”  
The smile that threatened Loki’s face finally broke through, curling along and showing his teeth. He was thoroughly pleased with his good work, the first he’d been able to do in weeks. Longer if you didn’t count the few quips he’d gotten in with the Allfather before being banished.

The rest of the meal was eaten in silence, and Evy hurried him at the end, clearly uncomfortable with having been left alone with Loki. She lead him away from the cafeteria, into the elevator, and onto a floor of rooming units. The trip was spent in silence, and the new woman leading Loki around held herself in a stiff, professional manner, never looking at Loki and very rarely speaking.  
At the end of the hall, she unlocked one of the last rooms, sliding her id card across a scanner beside the door. The door unlatched, jumping open an inch, and Evy brought her hand up to usher him inside.  
“What? No kiss goodnight?” He asked, stepping closer to her.  
Evy stiffened, “Please keep your distance.”  
He faked a pout, slumping his shoulder and stepping into the room. He turned again to face her, “Just a quick peck?”  
She shut the door, and the locking mechanism clicked into place. Loki sighed and turned around, looking around the room.  
It was a small room, containing a bed in the right-hand corner, a small dresser beside it, and a table against the left wall. Just to his right was an open doorway, which, going through it, he discovered was a bathroom. Seeing as it was still early, very early, and with nothing better to do, he stripped down and stepped into the shower. He figured out how to use it quickly, as it was very similar to those in Asgard, and stayed in it for a long time. There was already soap, shampoo, conditioner, other various bottles of the sort set up neatly on a shelf in the shower. He used each of them, not really sure what they did. After running out of bottles to inspect, he stood under the water, letting it run over him, until he finally grew too bored to stay in there any longer.  
Exiting the shower, he ran a dry towel over his body, ringing out his hair, and wrapping it around his waist. Upon entering the main room and rifling through the drawers in the dresser, he found several piles of a number of pants, shirts, underwear, socks, and other articles of clothing. He dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a black t-shirt that was just a size or two too big. He wandered around the room for a while, moving stuff around, looking, going through the drawers again, rifling through cabinets in the bathroom, and finally passing out on his bed, even though the sun was probably still up. It was hard to tell what time it was when there wasn’t a window in sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	4. Little Fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danni knocks some sense into Loki, who just wishes everyone would forget he was even there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr!
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> Http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

The lack of windows in the dull, grey room made it impossible to tell what time it was, but either way, Loki was passed out on his bed, dead to the world. He didn’t even stir when Danni opened the door and walked over to his bed. She called his name a couple times, to no avail, before leaning over the bed and jostling Loki’s shoulder. He was drenched in sweat, and seemed to be mumbling something under her breath. She jostled his shoulder again, extracting his first reaction.  
Loki’s eyes shot open, a gasp of some sort coming from his throat. He flipped over, grabbing Danni’s arm, pulling her down, and grabbing her throat. Something like anger and fear swirled in his eyes, his breathing heavy and ragged. She stayed still though, staring back at him, and eventually he loosened his grip. Danni jerked away, coughing and rubbing her neck.  
“Didn’t even get a chance to insult you and you’re already attacking me.” Danni said, her voice slightly hoarse.  
She stood, straightening up, and leaning on the wall beside Loki’s bed now. Loki sat up, bringing his knees in and running a hand through his hair.  
“So… after I left the cafeteria, I found Agent Hill. She let me take a look at your file.”  
“So you’ve heard all about my glorious escapades in New York then?” He asked, laughing.  
“I read all about your glorious defeat in New York.” She snarked back.  
Loki let out a sort of irritated scoffing noise, looking away. He arched his back, a few joints popping in the process before falling back against the bed. He looked tired, but Danni couldn’t care less. She reached down, grabbing his wrist and pulled him up. He instantly snatched his hand away, glaring up at her.  
“Come on, you got your break, back to work.”  
“And why exactly would I want to do that?” He asked, irritation dripping from his voice.  
“Why exactly does it look like I care what you want? Get up and quit being a priss.” She reclaimed his wrist and pulled him out bed, extracting a few more complaints that she blatantly ignored.  
Instead of leaving Loki to his own devices this time, Danni went inside with him. She mostly stood by the walls and watched Loki fumble around with the equipment in the room, barking out orders, but occasionally she walked over to him, showing him how to use something, or directing him to a different end of the training hall to work on something else. For about an hour and a half, they sparred together in what Danni explained to be her way of assessing his abilities. She had him show her what magic he could do and things of the sort. She never seemed impressed, nor disappointed. In fact, while they trained, she said very little.  
Loki was beginning to grow weary, visibly weakened with exhaustion and exertion. Around six o’clock, she instructed him that they were going to do cool-down workouts, which seemed to just be regular exercise. She made him do jumping jacks, push-ups, things of the sort. They only picked up conversation again while she held his feet down so he could do sit ups.

“So, you’ve been exceptionally quiet.” Loki said, his breathing heavy. “I was expecting you to make more sly comments at me.”  
“I suppose I’m more serious when I’m training.” Danni replied, a relaxed demeanor over her body as she leaned against his legs, holding him in place against the floor.  
“I’m sorry, who was the one training here?”  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that was important.” Danni remarked, rolling her eyes.  
“Words have meaning behind them, they’re very important. Words are living things, they direct meaning and power.” Loki said, sounding a little more relaxed, perhaps the way he used to before he decided killing people would be a better hobby. “I always choose my words very carefully. I don’t care to be misinterpreted due to my own carelessness.”  
“Sounds like sound advice.” Danni replied.  
Loki brought his torso up again, pausing near his knees. “Perhaps you’re smarter than you appear.”  
“Was that carelessness or do you just not care if you sound rude?” Danni brought a finger to his forehead, trying to push him back down. He caught her hand, pulling it down, forcing her closer to him.  
“My most sincere apologies. I don’t typically interact with Midgardians.” His eyes lingered around her face, inspecting every tiny detail. She had sandy brown hair tied up in a knot high on her head, locks having fallen out of place around her face. Her dark brown eyes curved down on the outter ends, giving them an almond shape, framed by high, carefully plucked eyebrows only a shade darker than her hair. She was plain, but pretty. Perhaps she was prettier when she wasn’t in SHIELD issued clothing with her hair pulled away from her face in an ugly bun.  
He leaned in, bringing another hand and placing it on the back of her head. His eyes were sliding shut when something connected with his cheek, a loud clap echoing across the room. He opened his eyes, laughing at the now disgruntled Danni, her hand still raised.  
“Let’s make one thing clear, shall we? That kind of ‘interaction’ isn’t going to fly with me, understand?” Her voice was calm, unbroken, as though she’d faced similar situations time and time again before. Her face had even relaxed again, her hand falling back to it’s place.  
“And if I forced it on you? What power would you have to stop me?” A small smirk had appeared on Loki’s face, the man clearly amused with his disgusting suggestion.  
“I’d like to see you fucking try it.”  
Loki lunged forward, trying to pin her back against the floor. She slipped away from his grasp with ease, elbowing him in the jaw and bringing her foot down hard on his back. She stood up, stomping down on him again, forcing him against the floor. He rolled away, on his feet quickly.  
“I didn’t honestly think you were stupid enough to try that.” She replied, her breathing quickened ever so slightly. Her words seemed to have sparked something in Loki.  
“I am a king! I will not addressed so demeaningly by a worm like you!” He snapped, his voice risen, echoing loudly off the walls.  
“And what king would that be? King of jail cells? What exactly are you the king of Loki?”  
“I had my throne stripped from me, but that doesn’t make me any less a king!” He was advancing on her slowly, fists clenched.  
“You were never a king! You had no throne! I read your file, I read what Thor said about you. You’re not a king, you’re a spoiled little prince. You’re not even Asgardian Loki, you have no claim there. What was it you were again? A Frost Giant?”  
Loki let out an angered yell, throwing himself at her. She spun out of his line of attack, stepping to the side, bringing her leg up behind her and kicking Loki in the back. He stumbled forward and she grabbed the back of his shirt, pulling him up with incredible strength and throwing him at the nearby wall. He let out a low, pained moan, turning slowly to look at her again.  
“You aren’t a king Loki. You’re a spoiled brat. You talk so highly of yourself, but what’s special about you? Not only are you not Asgardian, but Thor is older than you anyways! The best hope you could have had was to be king of whatever planet Frost Giants are from, but you came here? Why? What claim did you have here?” Her voice was rising bit by bit. “You have no claim here! You have nothing here! You just chose this place to take your anger out on. You speak so highly of yourself but all you are is a murderer Loki. You’re not a king, you’re a child who wants his brothers toy and is throwing a fit because you can’t have it. And what do you have now? Fury was kind enough to give you an option, so unless you want to spend the rest of your miserable life in that fucking jail cell, rotting away by yourself, you’ll shut the fuck up about being a king, you’ll work your fucking ass off, and you’ll show us that you’re worth having around! Otherwise, you will go back to the lower levels. You will spend the rest of your life in that cell. We don’t have to train you Loki. We don’t have to do jackshit for you, but we’re taking pity on you and that’s the best damn shot you’ve got right now, so make your choice Loki. Do you want to prove your worth something, or do you wanna go pout?”  
Loki gritted his teeth together angrily, looking as though he wanted to argue back. What could he say though? He could lie and say the file was wrong. He could push being king still, but what good would it do? Danni was right. He had a choice to make. It didn’t matter if he managed to spin a believable lie, the people here despised him and would look for any opportunity to put him back in the dank little cell downstairs.  
He stood, composing himself, his jaw still clenched in anger. At least this way he had a slim chance at eventually leaving this godforsaken compound, and training at least gave him something to do with his pathetic life, what little time was left on it.  
Danni smirked a little, “I thought so. Let’s go get something to eat, I think we’ve done enough today.”  
Loki was silent through dinner, having no reason to talk, and frankly, was pouting a little. He knew he’d only start yelling at someone if he tried to converse with anyone, so it was better if he just kept his mouth shut and bit his time until he was calmer and perhaps had come up with a better plan.

Thor stepped into the elevator and rode up several floors. When he got out, he reached a hand up and pulled a thin, plastic sheet from his face, a glitch running across the surface that had previously camouflaged his face. He knocked his fist across the wooden door of Fury’s office, being invited in moments later.  
“So, how did it go?” Fury asked, closing one of the drawers on his desk.  
“He seems unchanged. I worry this may not work as well as I’d hoped.” Thor replied, tossing the odd bit of technology onto Fury’s desk.  
“You think he’s gonna be a problem?” Fury asked, raising an eyebrow at him.  
“It’s hard to tell. I would like to continue observing him though.”  
Fury nodded, “I figured as much. Just keep the visits short and infrequent. I get the feeling he’s not gonna like being tailed by randomass agents when he’s already got Agent Fielding escorting him everywhere.”  
“The woman that’s been with him.” Thor said, not quite a question, not quite a statement.  
“That would be correct.”  
Thor nodded a little, and, after a moment, thanked Director Fury and left. He met Bruce outside who drove him back to the tower, away from SHIELD and Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this vague feeling that I already gave Danni a last name, but owell. She's Danni Fielding from now on so deal with it.  
> ~  
> Sorry it took so long to get this out. I was really nervous to write it, and I've been on vacation for the past month. Chapters should come out relatively sooner from now on.
> 
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	5. Community

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Loki growing into his role with SHIELD more and more, Thor becomes satisfied that he's no longer hell bent on the throne and asks the other Avengers about the possibility of Loki changing residency.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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A month had come and gone since Danni started training Loki. The god had relaxed, fallen into a sort of rhythm. He even enjoyed himself sometimes, eventually growing fond of Danni. He worked diligently, relearning how to fight. He was taught how to use guns and a few other bits of SHIELD tech, nothing too flashy. Life went on overall.

Loki stumbled into his room, the day having ticked by painfully slowly. Danni had been on his ass all day, training him harder than usual. He’d gotten barely any breaks besides for meals. Even now, she still escorted him places, though restrictions on him had been rolled back. He was allowed to go places relatively unsupervised, but still she trailed around him.  
As soon as he was inside, he slumped against the bed, weariness taking hold of him. He was covered in sweat, felt disgusting, his eyes stung with exhaustion. Thank the gods tomorrow was a weekend. Danni walked over and nudged his feet with one of hers, extracting an irritated groan from Loki.  
“You’re not gonna go to bed all sweaty are you?” She asked, leaning against the bed.  
“Yes thank you mother I didn’t realize how filthy I was.” He grumbled, his voice muffled from the blanket surrounding his face.  
“I’m just asking, you look like you’re trying to go to sleep.” She remarked, bringing her foot up and kicking him in the thigh.  
At that, Loki stood up, stumbling a little. He grasped Danni by the shoulders, pushing her against a wall.  
“I’m not entirely sure you realize how immensely annoying you are sometimes.” He replied, letting out a loud breath through his nose. Danni just stood there, smirking at him, looking quite pleased with herself. Loki just sighed and let her go, wandering off to the bathroom to shower.

Loki returned about half an hour or so later, a towel wrapped around his waist, another around his head, drying his hair. He lowered his hands, letting the towel then rest around his shoulders, and looked down. Danni had settled herself down on his bed and was filling out some sort of paperwork.  
“You’re still here.” He stated dryly, partially a question. She looked up for a second before returning her gaze to the papers.  
“And you’re not wearing any clothes.”  
“Yes, that tends to happen when one showers.” Loki retorted, walking across the room to the set of drawers that contained all of his standard issue clothing. He had no shame, dropping his towel to the floor before digging through the drawers, bringing out a pair of boxers and sliding them on. He was not unaware to the glances Danni kept stealing as he dressed.  
After he’d pulled on a pair of sweatpants as well, he slid onto the bed beside her, laying on his side and looking up at the papers she was writing on. They said something about some project they seemed to be working on, something to do with replacing the helecarriers, he didn’t really care.  
“Looks important.” He said after a while.  
“Eh, relatively. It can wait though.” She dropped the papers to the side of the bed and rolled over to face him.  
“You’re not going to go to bed all sweaty are you?” He asked, repeating the same words she’d said to him earlier, “I’m sorry, but if you’re planning on sharing my bed with me tonight, I’m going to have to insist you shower as well.”  
“In your dreams Loki, I’m not sleeping here.” She chuckled a little.  
“Then what’s this to do with?” He gestured to the fact that she was still laying, quite comfortably, in his bed, looking as though she had no intention of moving.  
“I dunno, your bed is really comfortable for some reason. I think I’m gonna have to file a complaint. Mine is rock solid.”  
He grinned, a small smile curving the ends of his lips. Tentatively, he reached a hand out, snaking it around her hips and pulling them closer together. She didn’t move, again neither positive nor negative emotion taking hold of her face. She did that quite often, looking neither pleased nor displeased, but instead literally unphased by what was transpiring. Loki sighed, shaking his head a little.  
“You are so impossible to read.” He said finally, pressing his lips together in a sort of perplexed expression.  
“Sorry.” She replied, smiling. “I don’t mean to be.”  
“How am I supposed to know whether you like what I’m doing or not if your expression never changes?” He asked, running his hand up and down her side.  
“Well I’m not punching you in the face, so it’s probably safe to assume I at least don’t hate it.”  
Loki clucked his tongue at her response, watching her, still trying to puzzle her out. No matter how long he stared at her though, her expression never changed, her thoughts never became clearer to him. Finally, he gave up and adjusted the position of his head, letting his eyes sink closed, pulling Danni a little closer to him. She cuddled against him, her arms wrapping around him.

Several hours passed by and the two slept soundly. It was still late when Loki roused, unused to other presences nearby while he slept. He awoke with a start, sitting up, covered in sweat yet again. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, trying to catch his breath again. Once he had, he looked over at Danni’s small, sleeping figure, curled up on top of the covers. She looked peaceful, unlike Loki, who’s every night was plagued with disturbing nightmares. He looked forward again and laid back, hitting the pillow.  
“So much for not sharing my bed.” Loki muttered to himself. He slipped under the covers, pulling them out from under Danni and laying them over her before cuddling up around her again. He quickly found that sleeping with another person relaxed him a great deal, bringing solace to him after the gruesome images that haunt him in his sleep. He caressed her hair, breathing in her scent, and eventually fell asleep again.  
The two of them slept late into the morning, no alarm to jolt them from their sleep. Danni awoke first, rolling over and resting her chin on Loki’s chest. She reached up and poked his cheek.  
“Hey.” Poke. “Hey.” Poke. “Wake up.”  
“That’s very annoying.” He grumbled, his voice hoarse. His eyes opened slowly, focusing on her face for a moment before looking up at the ceiling.  
“Why are you waking me up?”  
“Because I’m awake.” Danni said, sitting up, stretching, her joints popping.  
“So I must suffer as well?” He asked, rolling over.  
“Exactly, get up.” She slipped out of the bed and pulled her shoes on haphazardly, tucking the laces into the boots rather than tying them. “Come on, I’m hungry.”  
“You are pure evil, you know that? How can anyone be this chipper first thing after waking up?”

With much coercing, Danni finally extracted Loki from the bed, forced him to put on real clothes, and marched him down to the cafeteria. They ate together with Evy and a couple other agents who’d, for some unknown reason, taken a liking to Loki a week or so earlier. Evy was still wary around him, but had relaxed immensely. She still kept a good three to four foot distance between them at all times though.  
Thor had continued to observe Loki as promised, unbeknownst to Loki himself, and was quite pleased to see the dramatic change in his overall demeanor. Though he was the same in almost every way, dry, sarcastic, easily agitated, rude, occasionally rather vulgar, he seemed much happier and relaxed. He’d accumulated a very small group of people that actually enjoyed his presence to a degree (in small doses), he could interact with strangers without immediately insulting them and turning them away, and Danni had seemed to have grown quite fond of him. He was very pleased with Loki’s development.

Thor came home early in the afternoon that day. Pepper was wandering around the room in simple clothes, long pj pants and a tank top, eating ice cream from the tub. She greeted him as he entered, and he returned it with a smile. Tony was showing Clint a new impiment he’d installed in Jarvis’s programming which allowed more interaction between the other Avengers and him. Clint seemed fairly enthusiastic about being able to interact with Jarvis.  
“Tony, may I speak to you?” He asked as the explanation came to it’s end. Tony and Clint both looked up at him. Clint put up a hand, taking a step back, as if to say ‘Good luck, catch ya later.’ before hopping off to the elevator.  
“Sure, yeah, what’s up Thor?” Tony asked, stepping around him to get to the small kitchen area.  
“You know I’ve been observing Loki this past month, yes?”  
“Yeah, you’re gone a lot because of it. What about it? Did he hurt someone?” Tony was digging through the fridge now, moving things around, not entirely sure what he was even looking for.  
“No, no not at all. In fact, he’s doing very well.” Tony looked up at that, a piece of lunch meat dangling from his mouth.  
“Oh?”  
“Indeed. I wanted to ask… since he has made such progress, I was wondering how you would feel if I wanted to move Loki here. So I could watch him more closely, and perhaps so he could learn to interact outside of SHIELD. I would prefer he not spent the rest of his life with them.”  
Tony nodded, listening to Thor speak, his eyes showing he was mulling over the request. He had eventually settled into making himself a sandwich, popping open a can of soda as he did so.  
“I can see why you wouldn’t want that… Uhm… I suppose that’s going to be something we’d have to take up with the other guys, you know.” He replied, turning his attention to carefully placing lettuce over the meat in his sanwich.  
Thor nodded, “I agree. Would you give me permission to talk to the others about it?”  
“Thor, how many times do I need to tell you, you don’t need permission to do things here. You’re part of the household.”

An hour later, Thor had gathered everyone, for once everyone actually being home, including Pepper and Bruce who were out the most. Tony had agreed to help explain the situation, Thor feeling like everyone might be more willing to agree if he already had someone on his side.  
“Alright, so, hi, so Thor and I already talked it over, and I’ve already made my decision about it, but obviously, you guys live here too, you deserve a say in it, so, Thor, you got the floor. Shoot.”  
Thor nodded, his arms folded over his chest. He was silent for a moment, knowing what risky waters these were to tread.  
“As you all know already, I’ve been spending a considerable amount of time over with SHIELD, keeping an eye on Loki...and I think he’s made a lot of progress. He’s been working hard there, doing what he’s told. He interacts with the others there without issue… mostly. There’s even a group of people he interacts with on a daily basis outside of work.”  
“Work?” Clint looked up. “I thought he was in jail there.”  
“He’s being… trained, actually, as an agent. They make him work in the kitchen, stuff like that too.” Tony replied. “I think Fury was hoping that working him to the bone would help him get out frustration so he didn’t, you know, break another SHIELD building.”  
Clint let out a short laugh before turning his attention back to his book, which most of them were sure he wasn’t actually even reading, but it instead gave him something to turn his eyes to so he didn’t have to make eye contact with people while they spoke about Loki. He was a near impossible subject to even mention to Clint without him ollying out of the vicinity.  
“Continue, please, Thor.” Natasha encouraged, turning everyone’s attention away from Clint.  
He nodded. “I would like to move him into the tower with us. I want to keep a closer eye on him without having to travel across the city to spy on him. And I would much prefer he learned interaction outside of SHIELD. I still don’t exactly trust them, especially with someone like Loki.”

Everyone took a moment to think about it, Clint seeming completely unphased either way and was still ‘reading’ his book. Natasha was the first to speak up.  
“I don’t blame you for not trusting them with Loki. I don’t really either, I think I’d feel more comfortable if all of us, especially you Thor, could keep an eye on him up close. It seems safer that way.” Natasha’s words were, as usual, calm, collected, logical.  
Bruce spoke next, “Well, I’m not really here very often anyways, so I’m not sure how much consolation my vote is, but everyone seems to be making a good point. So I guess I’m going to have to agree too. And if something does go wrong, I can just bring the other guy out to smack him around a bit.” He chuckled a little, extracting a few matching laughs from Thor, Tony, and Natasha.  
“I don’t know.” Pepper said, folding her arms, looking disgruntled, “I don’t think it’s a good idea, but if you guys think you can keep a lid on him, then go ahead.” Tony reached over and pulled her into a one armed hug, a pathetic attempt to comfort and thank her.  
Everyone had had their bit now, everyone seeming to be in agreement. Clint was now the only one who’d yet to speak, and, of course, still had his nose buried in his book. Everyone looked at him, but it took Natasha elbowing him in the ribs to get his attention.  
“Hey-! Look, I don’t think I need to tell you guys how I feel about having that guy wandering around my home, but if you all think he’s so changed, then go ahead. I’m not here half of the time anyways, and when I am I’m in my room. So go ahead, bring him over, I don’t know where you’re gonna put him though unless someone’s volunteering to share their room with him.”  
Tony spoke up immediately, “I’ve already got that covered. There was a spare room I left open under Steve’s room as a sort of guest room in case Darcy or someone ended up wanting to live here too. I’ve already started planning out the schematics for a room for him.”  
Clint let out an exasperated expression, standing up, closing his book, “Alright, have fun with that.”  
It took another month and a half before Tony, with the help of Bruce, Steve, Thor, and Pepper, had the spare room looking like something Loki would want to live in. Spare room on the walls had been replaced with built-in bookshelves, filled with books from both Earth and Asgard, which Thor had obtained for this specific purpose. There was a large, soft bed covered in a dozen or more pillows and soft, plush blankets. A desk sat on the far wall with a laptop and drawers full of art supplies, a piano took up part of the wall beside the door, and all of the wooden furniture, such as the bedframe, desk, dresser, chairs, were all dark cherry wood. The walls were painted dark blue accented with gold, heavy green curtains hung over the glass balcony doors and windows. There was a bathroom off to the left and a training room off to the right. Tony was beyond pleased with himself.  
A week before the bedroom was finished, Thor and Natasha went to SHIELD, b-lining for Director Fury’s office.  
“Why do I get the feeling I’m not gonna like what you two have to say to me?” Fury asked, looking up from a pile of papers on his desk.  
“It’s probably just a safe assumption by now Fury.” Natasha replied before looking up at Thor, “You’ve got this.”  
Thor nodded, “Yes, thank you…”  
He was silent, again collecting himself before releasing the severity of his request. Asking the Avengers was one thing, asking Fury was another thing entirely. Fury was a stubborn man and wouldn’t be swayed easily, even if Loki was Thor’s brother and technically his responsibility. But they’d prepared for this.  
“Director Fury, sir.” Thor began, “I came here to ask for your permission to remove Loki from the building. I wish to move him to the Stark Tower with myself so I might keep a closer eye on him.”  
A small smile curved up one end of Fury’s mouth, a small snort emitting from his throat. He stood up, pushing his chair in and casting a lingering glance out the window, before slowly turning back to the two.  
“Director, Thor is Loki’s brother, he’s known him the longest out of all of us. Despite Thor being Loki’s rightful guardian, who’s better fit to keep him in check? Even with his immortality, Loki was no match for Thor. Do you really think he’d be capable now of doing anything that damaging?” Natasha intervened, seeing that Thor was at a loss for words. She couldn’t help but find entertainment in the fact that Thor was frightened by Director Fury. Or perhaps intimidated was the word he’d used.  
“Not the point.” Fury replied, the metaphorical foot firmly planted on the ground.  
“Not quite your call is it?”  
Fury cocked his head at Natasha, his face grimaced at her. “I would beg to differ Agent Romanov.”  
“She’s right, I’m Loki’s guardian. Loki’s only been under your care because I allowed it.” Thor took the reigns again, encouraged by Natasha’s short speech.  
“And now he is under my care. Do you have any idea how much paperwork there’d be to release him, assuming the counsel even allowed it?” Fury asked, more of a statement of facts than anything.  
“If I do recall correctly, that never stopped you from letting Thor do as he pleased before Director. In fact, if I remember right, you told the Counsel it wasn’t their place to argue when Thor took Loki and the Tesseract back to Asgard the first time. Can’t you do the same here?”  
Fury and Natasha had slowly been inching themselves closer to the other, advancing, trying to force the other to back down with body language, neither willing to budge. Fury gave though, unable to find the words to argue back. Natasha was slightly more clever and slightly better at arguing with Fury. Slightly.  
“Fine, whatever. I’ll do what I can, but I’m not making any promises. I’ll let you know what happens.” Fury retreated back behind his desk, looking incredibly irritated, but too exhausted to argue. It was clear this wasn’t the first time Natasha had pulled something like this on him.

Thor and Natasha returned home, and the week passed by. Loki’s room was completed and Tony slept for a solid day, having stayed up the entire week save for three five hour long naps that Steve practically forced upon him in between. Clint had all but disappeared, only retreating from his hiding place to eat and occasionally latch on to Natasha. He absolutely refused to respond properly to anyone that brought up Loki’s impending arrival. Loki, on the other hand, remained completely in the dark about the plans transpiring around him and continued to live his daily routine in the compound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That got kind of long, whoops. Things are building up now. The actual plot is just about in play now.
> 
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	6. Transfer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr!
> 
> Http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

No one thought to tell Loki of his impending transfer, nor did anyone think to tell Danni, or anyone else Loki worked with. What good would it do? 

Loki looked down at the cards in his hands, glancing up occasionally at Danni and their friend, Oliver, who played cards with them every Sunday. He let out a slow sigh before pulling out a card and laying it on the top of the deck.  
Danni looked up at him. “...Loki… do you know how to play this game?”  
“No, I have no idea what any of you are doing.” Loki replied, putting the rest of his cards down, “What did you say this was called again?”  
“Crazy Eights.”  
“I don’t like it. Why can’t we play the one we usually play?” Loki asked, leaning back in his chair.  
“Because you always win.”  
“I don’t see the problem.” He grinned, unable to hide his pride.  
Oliver stood up, “It’s cool, I’ve got places to be in about ten minutes, stay out of trouble.” He let his hand drag over Danni’s hair, which hung loosely around her shoulders, as he left.  
Danni and Loki eventually retreated to Danni’s room after Loki, yet again, kicked her ass at the card game mentioned earlier. Loki flopped onto her bed, pulling a magazine down from her night stand and flipping through it.  
“Who are all these people?”  
Danni poked her head from the bathroom, “Models.”  
“What are they for?”  
“Uhm… Some of them model clothes, some of them model make up, some of them… some of them, I have no idea what they’re modeling.” She replied, disappearing into the bathroom again.  
Loki fell silent again, skimming some of the articles, not really knowing what any of them were talking about them. Some of them talked about people the magazine seemed to expect him to know about, but he was left at a loss. Eventually he tossed the magazine back onto the night stand and sat up, waiting for Danni to return.  
She emerged moments later, hands behind her head, tying braids into her hair. She smiled at him, crossing the room and leaning against a table across from him.  
“So, what to do now.” She said, bringing her hair over her shoulder to finish the braid.  
“I can think of a few things to pass the time.” Loki replied.  
“How many times are you going to suggest that? Are you really that into me, or are you just painfully desperate?” Danni laughed a little, her eyes dancing.  
Loki stood and took a few steps over to her, “Do I look desperate to you?” It came across as an honest answer.  
“Do you really want me to answer that?”  
His hands found her hips, more steps closing the gap between them. He stared down at her with blank, green eyes.  
“Why should it matter either way? Would our friendship mean any less depending on my answer?”  
“Is this really a friendship Loki? You don’t really strike me as the kind of person that makes friends with such low creatures.” Her voice mocked Loki’s accent at the last few words, making a face that exaggerated an angry, bitter Loki.  
“Well if you put it that way, perhaps I’ll just make myself at home on your bed and order you to bring me a drink.” Loki replied, his fingers slipping around the waistband of her pants, curling around the hem of her shirt, fidgeting with whatever was nearby.  
“Jeeeerrrrk.” She pushed him away. “I need to teach you proper social skills at some point.”  
Loki frowned, “And all this time I thought I was doing quite well.”  
“You’re still unbelievably rude sometimes.” Danni replied, stepping around him to sit on the bed.  
“Well I was a prince for over a thousand years, I never really had need to know how to interact with… non-royals.”  
“Non-royals?” She raised an eyebrow.  
“...Anyone. There was one person, though, her name was Sigyn. You remind me of her a little actually.”  
“Ah, so the truth comes out. You just like me because I remind you of your ex-girlfriend.” Danni laughed a little.  
“I wouldn’t call her an ex-girlfriend, and that’s not the only reason I like you.” Loki sat beside her, leaning against the pillows at the head of the bed and putting feet on her legs. “More like a close acquaintance. Besides my mother, she taught me a lot of the magic I know. She was a good friend…”  
Danni listened solemnly, a small frown forming on her face. After a few moments, she moved across the bed to sit beside him. She wrapped an arm around him and leaned her head against his shoulder.  
“I don’t need your pity Danni.” He replied, trying to shrug her off.  
“Who said it was pity?” She asked, looking at him. He caught her gaze, their eyes locked for a moment. Slowly, hesitantly, he lowered his head towards hers. She leaned up too and their lips met, gently brushing together.  
Loki brought a hand up to Danni’s cheek, brushing loose, sandy locks behind her ear, his hand pausing behind her head, pulling her up closer. Her hand came to his chest, moving up and down slowly once or twice before moving to his bicep. The kiss lasted for another minute or two before Danni pulled away, looking up at Loki.  
“We probably shouldn’t have done that.”  
“Why not?” Loki asked, his thumb caressing her cheek. “What damage could come from a kiss?”  
“It’s just… not appropriate. You’re my mission, Loki. I’m supposed to keep an eye on you, I’m your… babysitter.” Danni replied, pulling away. He caught her again, pulling her full weight onto him, settling her in his lap. He stared up at her with those brilliant green eyes, his face giving away no emotion, no lust nor ill intention, he just looked at her.

Over the course of the next several days, the two spent much of their free time in each other’s rooms, laying in bed together, hands on the other, lips pressed together, fingers tangled amongst locks of hair. Danni always seemed conflicted afterwards, but Loki felt no remorse other than that Danni never seemed happy afterwards.  
Loki moved to the end of the bed, wrapping himself around Danni who sat at the edge, frustrated yet again. Her hair was disheveled and her jacket had been discarded onto the floor. Loki no longer wore a shirt, his bare arms wrapped around him, his face against her neck.  
“We’re gonna get caught if this keeps up.” Danni replied, rubbing her fingers against frustrated eyes.  
“Only if you keep wandering around like you’ve got a secret in your throat.” He replied, placing gentle kisses along her neck.  
She sighed, but said nothing. Loki took it as invitation to continue. He moved her back against the bed and stationed himself over her, leaning in to kiss her again. As much as she complained and fretted and worried, she never seemed to have a problem when he was actually kissing her. Soon enough, he’d worked his hands under her shirt, pulling it over her head and letting it fall atop the jacket that already adorned the floor. Her bra came off soon after and his hands were working over her chest, her back arching into it a little.  
Loki wasn’t the only one to initiate touching though. Slowly, her long, slender hands made their way down to press against the bulge in his pants that was slowly making itself more known. After a few strokes, her hand came up and slipped past the waistband of his pants, rubbing the bulge now through his bowers. He let out small breaths and moans into her mouth. After several moments of this, Loki sat up, undoing the button and zipper and pushing the fabric down, letting it crumple to the floor before doing the same with Danni’s pants. 

Loki fell against the bed beside Danni, breathing heavy, sweat accumulated on his forehead. Danni brought the back of her hand to wipe the sweat from her own face, her chest heaving.  
“Well, that went better than expected.” Loki said finally. Danni let out a laugh, but smacked him anyways. He yelped quietly, his body instinctively shying away from the attack before launching himself at her, fingers going to run up and down her ribs. She let out a scream, quickly cupping her hand over her mouth.  
“Loki! Loki quit, quit tickling me!” She squirmed, desperately trying to wiggle free of the assailant. After a moment of that, he backed off on his own though, laughing.  
“That was just cruel.” Danni said, sitting up, hands covering her sides defensively.  
“What did you expect from the God of Mischief?” Loki asked, still chuckling.  
“God, hardly.” She scoffed, slipping out of the bed. “I’m gonna shower, I wanna go to dinner soon.”

The two continued to sleep together for three more days, Monday rolling around and the two slowly dragged themselves from bed at the sound of the alarm going off. Loki had some sort of training assessment today, it had the potential to impress Fury, giving Loki the possibility of more restriction rollbacks. Not likely though. They dressed and walked down to the training room, both of them too tired to say much. They swung by the cafeteria briefly, eating standing up. Lingering in the cafeteria in the mornings usually entailed having to interact with the night crew having dinner, and frankly, no one liked them.  
Loki was in the training room now, sparring with some sort of simulator, much harder than the first one he’d faced. Danni was in the observation deck, filling out routine paperwork on his performance. He’d been going for about ten or fifteen minutes when two people approached Danni, a tall, muscular man with long blonde hair, and a shorter, slender woman with red hair. The man greeted her warmly, introducing himself.  
“Oh, you must be Loki’s brother.” Danni replied, smiling.  
“I’m Agent Romanov, I’m just accompanying Thor today.” Natasha introduced herself next, smiling and shaking Danni’s hand.  
Thor awkwardly interjected, handing Danni a handful of papers. She took them hesitantly, looking down at them, flipping through them. Her gaze darted to Loki a few times, occasionally reaching out to take up the pen again to jot something down on her notebook. She paused when she got to the third paper, actually realizing what they were.  
“These are… prisoner release forms…” She said slowly, her brow furrowing. “Loki’s being released?”  
Thor smiled, “Yes, I’m taking him home with me.”  
Danni nodded slowly, looking at the two.  
“He’s going to live back at Stark Tower with us, Tony Stark, and a few other members of the Avengers project. He’ll be safe with us, don’t worry.” Natasha said, attempting to reassure the woman who looked vastly unsure.  
“Yes I-I’m sure.” She reached the back page, realizing they still required her’s and Loki’s signatures. She brought her pen up to sign when a loud buzzer went off in the room. She looked down to see that Loki had beaten the simulator and was bent over his own knees, breathing heavily, one hand clasped to his ribs. She pressed a button and spoke into the microphone, “You ok Loki?” He waved a hand at her. “Alright, go on down to the shooting range, I’ll meet you there.”  
Loki waved his hand again, idling still in the middle of the training room before finally straightening up and limping away, using another door to exit the room.  
“He’s allowed to go places on his own?” Natasha asked, watching Loki leave.  
“Yeah, he follows the rules pretty well most of the time.” Danni replied, bringing her pen up again to scrawl out her name on the printed line. She looked up and gestured with the papers to follow her. She took a few steps across the small observation room and led them into a small elevator, taking them down a level and down a long hallway. By the time they got to the shooting range, Loki had already dawned the protective gear and was in the middle of checking and loading a rifle. He looked up when they entered, clearly surprised to see Thor.  
“Ah, the mighty Thor finally graces me with his presence.” Loki replied, standing up.  
“And he could do without the attitude.” Thor replied, eyeing the weapon in Loki’s hands. Natasha was tense beside him, completely distrustful of the idea of Loki with any kind of weapon near him. Danni interrupted the tension, handing Loki the papers and her pen.  
“What’s this?” He asked, setting the gun down carefully on the table behind him, pulling the glasses up to flip through the pages.  
“Release forms.” Danni replied, taking the glasses from his hands. “They’re taking you away from here.”  
Loki looked up, first at Danni, then to Thor and Natasha.  
“...Why?”  
“I thought you would be giddy at the idea of leaving this place.” Thor said, his gaze flciking impatiently at the pen twirling between Loki’s fingers.  
“Where would you be taking me?” Loki asked, his gaze now training on Natasha, something that can only be described as mischieviously malevolent dancing in his eyes.  
“You remember Tony Stark, I’m sure.” Thor replied.  
“Ah, good, I’ll be a lab rat, give me just a moment to sign this and I’ll go pack my bags!” He tossed the paper to the floor, handing Danni her pen back before taking the glasses and securing them to his face again. He turned, picking the gun up again and standing at the station, cocking the gun and bringing it up to his soldier.  
“You’re not going to be a lab rat, Loki, we’re living with h-” Thor was cut off by the loud boom of Loki’s gun. He covered his ears against the offensive noise. Natasha and Danni both reached over to pick up ear coverings, Nat handing a pair to Thor. Danni walked over to Loki, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. The noise from the gun cut off and Loki glanced down at her with his eyes, his head not moving. His gaze flicked up to Thor and Natasha again briefly before returning to Danni.  
“I hate you.” He hissed at her, bringing the gun up, pulling some trigger on the side and clicking the safety back into place. He removed the clip, placing it and the weapon on the table again. He tossed his glasses and ear coverings onto the table beside them, folding his arms and staring at Thor.  
“You’re not going to be a lab rat Loki, we’re living with him.” Thor repeated.  
“And if you don’t come, Tony’s gonna be real upset. He just spent the past week converting the spare floor into a room for you.” Natasha replied, her eyebrow raising slightly.Loki watched them both as they spoke, his expression never changing.  
“Explain to me again why I would want to live with you?” He snapped, his head turning to the side.  
“It seemed a better option than staying here.” Thor replied, “And you don’t exactly have much of a choice, I was simply hoping you would come willingly.”  
“You really don’t know me that well Thor. And from where I’m standing, it would appear that so long as I don’t sign that paper, I don’t go anywhere.”  
“Actually… I already signed it, technically it doesn’t require your signature at all.” Danni said, shrinking away slightly. “It just looks better in the file if it has your signature.”  
Loki rounded on Danni, his jaw clenched. Thor and Natasha both jumped, grabbing his arms and dragging him back. It took several minutes of struggling to break free of their hold, stumbling back against the table.  
“For pete’s sake I wasn’t going to hurt her you absolute imbeciles!” Loki hissed, picking himself back up and brushing himself off. “Look, do whatever you want, I don’t care, I’m going back to my room.” He threw a hand up, dismissing himself from the range and exiting through another door. Danni looked back at Thor and Natasha, biting her lip.

Danni later made her way to Loki’s room, telling Thor and Natasha to go back to their car and that she would escort Loki out to them. She came up on the door, letting her knuckles hit against it a few times before letting herself in.  
“Loki?” She stepped inside, letting the door shut behind her.  
The bathroom door swung open and Loki emerged, wrapped in a tower, water still dripping from his hair. He looked tired, worn, no longer irritated, but absolutely exhausted, mentally. She walked over to him, wrapping her arms around him. He pushed away, walking over to the dresser and pulling out clothes, letting some fall to the floor carelessly.  
“Ok, seriously, what’s wrong?” Danni folded her arms across her chest, no longer acting sympathetic towards him.  
“You signed the paperwork without asking me.” Loki replied, pulling a shirt over his head.  
“I didn’t exactly have a choice numbskull, it had the director’s signature. Not signing it would have been basically disobeying direct orders from him.” She replied, walking around to catch his gaze.  
Loki looked at her and sighed, pulling on pants and dropping the towel to the floor. He reached an arm out, wrapping it around the back of Danni and pulling her into a hug, resting his chin on the top of her head. She returned the hug, grasping at the back of his shirt.  
“Imbecile.” She muttered, mocking his accent again. He laughed and released her, “Alright, hand me the papers, I’ll sign the stupid things.”  
Danni smiled at him, her eyes lighting up as usual. She handed him the papers and again, her pen, and watched as he scribbled out his name in fancy, regal hand writing. “Pretty.” She said, looking at the signature when he handed the papers back. He rolled his eyes, turning to pull his shoes on. “I suppose you’re going to escort me out. Am I to wear handcuffs for the exchange?”  
“Unfortunately it’s regulationn.” Danni replied, pulling a pair from her pocket.  
“Wait, are you serious? I was just joking.” Loki laughed shortly, his hands grabbing his wrists.  
“I wish I was joking.” Danni said, her eyebrows turning up in sympathy. Loki’s irritation returned.

Loki was escorted out, handcuffed, not only by Danni, but by a number of other agents who were overly thorough in making sure he made it safely into the car. Before closing the door, Danni moved to unlock the handcuffs. Once they were gone, Loki grabbed the front of her shirt and pulled her into a car a ways, pressing his lips hards against hers. When he released her, she stood up, clearing her throat, composing herself, and returned to the building. He yanked the door shut, pointedly ignoring the looks from Natasha and Thor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	7. Barricade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is brought back to Stark tower, only to refuse to leave his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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The ride back to the tower was spent in relative silence. Natasha and Thor chit chatted occasionally, nothing that made it to the back seat though. Loki was silent, elbow propped on the door to his right. He nibbled silently at his thumb nail, watching buildings and cars pass him. A sense of anxiety had found it’s way to his stomach, a feeling that by now he knew well. He’d felt it occasionally as a god, but now it seemed to plague him constantly.  
The tower was plain, it blended in with the rest of the buildings. Loki was unaware they’d even arrived until they pulled around the corner, going down under the tower into a large parking garage beneath the building, filled with a dozen other vehicles. The car stopped and the engine turned off, pulling Loki from his idle thoughts. He opened the door and emerged from the car, standing, stretching.  
Thor and Nat lead Loki across the parking garage and into the elevator. It took them up dozens of stories, the ride seemed to take forever. When the doors open, Nat nodded and Thor ushered Loki off the elevator. The doors shut and left Thor and Loki by themselves in the hallway. Across from them was a single door, which on queue unlocked and slowly swung open. After a moment, Loki stepped over to it, slowly walking into the luxuriously decorated room. He looked around curiously, his hands drawing over the surface of the desk, the dresser, the top of the bed. He opened the piano, looking at it briefly before moving to look at the books.  
“What do you think?” Thor asked, standing in the doorway.  
“It’s nice…” Loki replied, turning to face him. “Why are you showing me this?”  
“It’s yours, all of it.” Thor replied, a small smile faltering on his face.  
Loki said nothing after that, hiding his surprise and genuine gratitude towards the gesture, turning away again, tracing his fingers along the spines of the books.  
“The elevator will take you to other floors, we usually socialize together on the 75th floor. It’s the highest one before you reach the roof. There’s a paper over there on your desk listing what’s on the other floors.” Thor said, shuffling around a moment before ducking out of the room, shutting the door behind him.  
Loki turned back when Thor left, walking over to his desk and picking up the sheet of paper.

~75th - Main Social Floor  
~74th - Bruce Banner  
~73rd - Tony and Pepper  
~72nd - Steve Rogers  
~71st - Thor  
~70th - Loki  
~69th - Clint Barton  
~68th - Natasha Romanov

The list went on and on. There were several labs, including a main one further down. The first floor seemed to just be a lobby, and the fourth was an enormous training room. Loki’s eyes lingered at the 69th floor though. Clint’s room was directly beneath his. He couldn’t help but wonder if there was some sort of argument about the placement of his room in correlation to the archer’s. No matter though, Loki couldn’t think of a single reason he would leave his room save to locate food occasionally, though for now that wasn’t much of an issue. He figured he could probably eat at night when no one was likely to be lingering around the rooms.  
Loki put the paper down and walked across his room, opening a door to find a bathroom. He looked around it for a moment before closing the door again, walking back to the other side. The only other door in the room opened up into an expanse of a training room. There seemed to be a lot of those in the tower. This one seemed to have very standard equipment, though he was sure there were hidden features he would learn about soon enough.  
Closing the door he returned to the main room, laying down on the bed and curling up. He felt very uncomfortable and vulnerable being here, especially so close to people he’d hurt the most. That lingering feeling of anxiety returned full force, making him feel very tired. He wished Danni was there with him. At least she didn’t seem to care anymore about his past, or at least hid it very well. Either way, she was the first person in a very long time to make him feel like he wasn’t alone. Here he was utterly alone, he was well aware of that. There was no point in dwelling on it though, and eventually he let himself fall asleep.

Some of the other Avengers had accumulated in the top floor, hanging around, chatting. The tv was on, though no one seemed to be watching whatever was playing.  
“How did Loki settle into his new room?” Tony asked when Thor entered the room.  
“Hard to say really. He’s very good at concealing his emotions. If he disliked it, I could not tell.” Thor replied, seeming somehow disheartened at his brother’s reaction to arriving at the tower.  
“He’ll warm up eventually.” Natasha replied reassuringly.  
“Yeah, or he’ll kill us all.” Clint mumbled nonchalantly.

It was late when Loki woke up, the moon high in the sky. He crawled out of bed and walked over to the balcony doors, pulling them open and stepping out into the night air. It was cool, a gentle breeze tugging at his disheveled hair. The city was aglow, lights twinkling for as far as the eye could see, which, for Loki, was significantly less than he used to be able to see. Every small detail seemed to remind him how limited he was now.  
He stayed out on the balcony for about an hour before finally letting himself back in the building, shutting the doors behind him. His stomach rumbled painfully at him and he felt dizzy. He’d put off finding food long enough. Picking up the paper and examining the list of floors again, Loki ultimately just decided to check the 75th floor. Operating the elevator was easy enough, all of the buttons labeled clearly, and soon, the doors opened and let him out into the room.  
It was dark except for a single light off to the right. He took a few steps into the room to see where the light was coming from to see someone rummaging around in the fridge. So there was food here. One problem solved.  
Clint stood up, turning around. There was some sort of plastic packaged pastry hanging from his mouth and a canned drink in his hand. He froze when he saw Loki, the fridge door swinging shut behind him, cutting off the light. He reached a hand over and turned on the light above the kitchen, reilluminating the small area. They both stood in silence, staring at each other for a moment, but then Clint approached him, stepping around Loki, and stepping onto the elevator without a word.

Clint had wanted so badly to clock Loki in the jaw. Certain parts of him wanted to rush to Loki and make sure he was ok. The parts of him that still felt it first instinct to care for Loki, to serve him. These parts were parts Clint had spent months trying very hard to suppress and not think about, but seeing Loki again brought them all rushing back. It didn’t change the fact that his conscious brain loathed Loki. He wanted to make him pay, he wanted to pin him to the ground and punch him until he felt better. That wasn’t going to fly though, so he may as well just pretend Loki isn’t there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	8. Remembrance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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Being moved to the Tower put things in perspective for Loki. He realized the gravity of his situation, and it weighed heavily on him. At least when he was living with SHIELD, he hadn’t had the time to dwell on his situation much. Danny didn’t allow him to lounge around in bed all day. She forced him up early, worked him to the bone, kept his mind occupied. She was his support up until now, keeping him afloat, keeping him from remembering how utterly helpless he felt.

Now, he didn’t have that support. There was no one dragging him out of bed at the crack of dawn, no one to keep him on his toes nearly 24/7. He guessed he’d probably have something close to that if he actually interacted with the Avengers, but that idea clutched his heart even harder, anchored him to the bed. The thought of facing any of them, especially Clint, drove him right back under the covers, wrapping them tight around him, trying to forget where he was.

The hours ticked by and Loki stayed in bed. Even with his ‘Asgardian’ immortality stripped away, his body still reacted to food the same. He was still capable of eating obscene amounts of food, but didn’t necessarily need it. He could go up to two weeks without eating before he would fall ill. So that made staying in bed for days at a time easier. In fact, since his encounter with Clint in the kitchen five days earlier, he’d not left his room even at night. He got water from the faucet in his bathroom, relieved himself, and otherwise stayed in bed. Sometimes he even found the energy to, on nicer days, prop open the balcony doors and let in a breeze. Sometimes he used the laptop provided for him to play Midgardian music. 

But overall, he stayed in bed. He simply didn’t have the energy nor the motivation to move.

It was well into the seventh day when a knock came on Loki’s door. He’d been in the middle of changing his music at suggestion of JARVIS, who helped Loki pick most of the music he listened to. The rap at the door dragged Loki’s eyes up to face the source of the noise. He pulled the blankets back away from his shoulders and stood, walking slowly over to the door and tugging it open a few inches.

“Uh, hey…” On the other side of the door was Bruce Banner, looking awkward but not completely out of place. “Uh, Thor got back from Asgard a little while ago, he had to bolt pretty quickly, but he brought this back for you.”

Bruce held up a moderately sized wooden box. Loki lowered his gaze eyeing the box with mild interest. Slowly, he reached his hand through the space between the door and the frame and lifted the lid of the box, peeking inside. Once seeing what the box contained, he raised his eyes to the man again.

“...Thank you.” He responded slowly, opening the door a little wider so he could retract the box inside.

“Hey uhm… Probably a dumb question, but you’ve kind of locked yourself in here for the past week, and it’s making everyone kind of nervous. You doin’ ok?” Bruce asked, genuine concern splayed on his face.

Normally Loki would have responded with some snide comment about being forced to live with his enemies, but he simply couldn’t muster the energy for it. “I’m fine.”

“Okay, but that answer alone sort of implies it’s not.” Bruce replied, offering a small smile.

“I prefer being alone.”

“You been eating at all?” Bruce arched his eyebrows at Loki.

_No._

“Why do you sound so concerned for my well-being Doctor Banner? It wasn’t that long ago that I attempted to have you murder all your friends.” Loki moved one hand off the box, tucking it under his arm so he could free up a hand to try to close the door with.

“That’s entirely true, but, if what Thor said is true, it sounds like you’re making some progress in… not making people kill their friends. I like second chances Loki, I think everyone deserves them, including you.” He smiled again, a warm, genuine smile that made Loki’s heart hurt.

“I don’t need your pity.”

“That’s why I’m not pitying you. You’re a strong guy, you don’t need anyone’s pity. I just thought you might need a friend.” With that, Bruce nodded and turned, heading back towards the elevator.

Loki closed the door and returned to his bed, opening the wooden box again. Inside was a copious amount of Pyrthe Nuts, native to Asgard. They were more like a fruit, soft and sweet with a hard, nutty outer shell. He placed one in his mouth and shut the box, laying back against the bed and chewing slowly. The flavour reminded him of warm summer days by the lake with Frigga when he was still a child.

_  
While Thor and Odin and the other warriors were off hunting, Loki and Frigga and his friends Amora and Sigyn would come to the lake together to practice magic and gather herbs. Amora only trailed along to practice magic, she far prefered Thor and Loki knew it, much to his dismay. They’d been an item briefly, but Loki quickly discovered Amora was only doing it to make Thor jealous. Had it gone on much longer before he found out, he would have been heartbroken. Thankfully, he’d found out early before his feelings had really had a chance to flourish._

_Amora had apologized profusely, sobbed on Loki’s shoulder, fell apart in his arms over her love for his brother, apologized some more. Loki attempted to be sympathetic, but he found a hard time caring honestly. After that, they went back to the way things were before. Casual pleasantries, spending time together because it was convenient, not because either of them especially enjoyed the other’s company._

_During the summers though was when they did enjoy each other’s company. They enjoyed picking herbs and finding animal bones and rocks and preparing spells. They enjoyed what Frigga had to teach them about magic and they absorbed her every word, running off quickly after with Sigyn to practice what they’d learned. Most days ended with all of them weary, covered in suit and dirt and streaked with the pigment from flowers, grass, and berries. They’d relax under some great tree, Loki leaning in Frigga’s lap, Sigyn resting her head on Loki’ abdomen, and Amora passed out beside them. While they ate pyrthe nuts, Frigga would tell them fantastic stories of old. Loki always loved the ones she told about having visited Midgard._

_In his youth, Midgard was a place of fascination to Loki. He studied the world in awe, learning the languages and the culture. When he began blossoming into a young man, his fascination grew further and he begged Frigga to take him to Midgard. Odin was adamantly against it, but after years of begging and pleading, it was finally allowed. Their journey only lasted a week, but it wasn’t long after that that Loki had discovered ways to travel between worlds without the use of the Bifrost, shielded from Odin and Heimdall’s watchful eyes.  
_

Banner’s words echoed in Loki’s skull. The idea of befriending any of these mortals had never crossed his mind before, and the idea now seemed no more appealing. He did admit though, he’d felt a twinge of satisfaction to discover that he hadn’t been forgotten. No, his presence lingered over the heads of everyone in the house. The mere remembrance that Loki was mere floors away wracked memories back to everyone. 

__  
Of Tony being tossed through a window with ease.  
Loki yelling obscene threats at Natasha from the inside of his cage.  
Loki burying the blade of a dagger into Thor’s abdomen.  
Of him slaughtering Agent Coulson in cold blood.  
Of the off-handed threats he made about Bruce. 

_He could only imagine what memories he brought back to Clint.  
_

In actuality, Clint remembered damn near nothing about his time with Loki. He could remember very short fragments of memories. A flash of him trailing after Loki, of him barking orders at Selvig, of him firing an arrow at some unsuspecting bloke. The best memory he had was from his fight with Natasha.

What he did remember was dark, fuzzy, tunneled, multi-coloured, like looking through a broken kaleidoscope at night. He remembered that perfectly because it was the same way his dreams came to him, if that’s what you wanted to call them. Granted they were considerably less now. When he first broke free of Loki’s imprisonment, he had long, vivid nightmares every time he fell asleep. Now, he had then maybe once a week. They were no less vivid or horrifying though, but at least he didn’t wake screaming anymore.

If only Loki was so lucky. If he knew anything of Clint’s sleeping patterns, he could cry from envy. He could barely remember when it started, maybe the first night he spent on Earth, it just seemed like part of life by now. Some nightmares weren’t as bad as others. It was a good night if he only woke once or twice, drenched in sweat, eyes wild with fear, breath choked back in his throat, heart feeling as though it’d leap out of his chest at any moment.

Bad nights were exactly that. His entire night would be filled with grotesque, vivid dreams, that gripped his very being. He could seldom drag himself from his dreams, and when he did, he was swimming in sweat, strangled by the sheets. He couldn’t breath, he was sobbing and screaming and scrambling to get away from whatever horror had plagued him only moments before. Bad nights ended with him huddled in the bath tub with ice water spilling over him while he tried to calm himself down, trying desperately not to let the sleeping figures above and below him know he woke like this. He never falls back to sleep after those nights. It wasn’t until well into the morning that he’d shut off the water, drag himself from the tub, change his clothes, and slip back into bed to lie around for the rest of the day as usual. As though nothing happened.

Because nothing did happen. Loki didn’t have nightmares. Loki wasn’t depressed. Loki wasn’t afraid of interacting with the Avengers. Loki wasn’t riddled with anxiety. He didn’t miss Danny. He didn’t miss Frigga. He didn’t cry himself to sleep some nights and he didn’t have nightmares. These were human weaknesses and Loki didn’t have weakness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	9. Social Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Banner drags Loki out of his room after a week, forcing him to interact with the other Avengers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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Besides the increase in irritability, Clint’s routine had changed very little with Loki moving in. He went out to bars, he trained, he locked himself away in his room and watched old movie or played video games. Over all, he didn’t seem bothered by the new addition to the household at all. Which only seemed to make everyone even more nervous. 

It was late in the day, maybe a week and a half since Loki had moved in, and Clint’s routine hadn’t changed in the slightest. He’d grabbed a couple of snack cakes and sodas from the kitchen and locked himself in his room to play far too much Call of Duty. He especially liked using his headset and listening to all of the pimple-faced 15-year-olds realize they’re playing against a thirty-something year old guy. They sling insults and really they’re just wildly entertaining to listen to.

“Did you just… Did you just call me an Assfuck?” Clint asked, slamming his thumbs against the buttons, his face blown in amusement and surprise. “What the shit is an Assfuck?”

“It means you’re a fag old man!”

Clint had to turn off his headset and laugh. To be entirely honest, he wasn’t overly attracted to any gender, but their ‘accusation’ wasn’t entirely false. He turned the headset back on.

“Hey, DudeBro69, turn around.”

“What-? DUDE NOT COOL!”

More laughter, then a knock came at his door. He threw off his headset and dropped his controller on the coffee table, freeing his hands to open the door. Natasha was leaning on the doorframe, smiled when they locked eyes.

“Shooting more virtual 15-year-olds?” She asked, chuckling quietly.

“Who’s going to if I don’t?”

“I don’t really care, come on, Tony broke out one of his high tech grills, we’re placing bets to see if it catches on fire before or after he finishes making dinner.”

“Any bets for during?” Clint grinned, shutting the tv off in his room before wrapping his arm around Nat’s shoulders, shutting the door behind him and going to the elevator with her.

\------------------------------

Loki had grown bored of lazing in his bed all day every day and decided that, at least for today, he’d pull his blanket out onto the balcony with the computer. He’d found a website where he could read books and had spent the past couple of days reading something called Journey To The Center Of The Earth. He was about half-way through it, maybe a bit more, but it was interesting enough. He liked the author’s writing style.

It was a nice day out, just chilly enough that he didn’t overheat wrapped up in his blanket, though the added heat of the computer made him a little uncomfortable.

__  
While there is life there is hope. I beg to assert...that as long as a man's heart beats, as long as a man's flesh quivers, I do not allow that a being gifted with thought and will can allow himself to despair.  


Loki sighed a little, closing the laptop and rubbing his eyes. Hunger was beginning to bite at his stomach, and he’d already made a good dent in the nuts Thor had brought back for him. He leaned his face against the railing, looking down. He was on the 70th floor, he was no longer ‘immortal’, if he could just find the energy to slip over the railing, he could fall to his death-

A knock interrupted his thoughts. He slowly brought his eyes up from the streets below to focus on the door across his room. After another knock, he dragged himself up, tossing his blanket and computer on the bed as he passed it, and opened the door.

“Banner… what are you doing here?”

“Hey, We’re all gather out in one of the garden balconies, Tony found one of his old grills, he’s gonna make a bunch of food. It should be fun, I wanted to see if you’d come up with us.”

Loki was silent. He was too tired to argue against Banner, but he was also too tired to go along with him.

“I promise, if you’re not enjoying yourself at least a little after an hour, you can go back to your room.” Bruce offered a small, genuine smile.

All of his smiles were so genuine. He _actually_ looked like he _wanted_ Loki to come with him. His heart clenched painfully. Bruce was so genuine, it honestly confused Loki to no end.

“I suppose an hour wouldn’t hurt.”

Bruce’s smile broadened, seeming satisfied. Loki stepped away from the door and over to his dresser, pulling out real clothes. He’d had a bad night last night and had changed into a pair of sweats, not even bothering to find a shirt. Now, he pulled on a pair of dark jeans, taking a moment to look at the fabric before slipping into them. They were tad loose, but he thought nothing of it. After that, he pulled on a white t-shirt that was even more noticeably too large, a pair of socks, and his SHIELD issued black work boots.

“Ready?” Bruce asked when Loki appeared back in the doorway.

Loki nodded slowly, closing the door behind him and hesitantly following Bruce down the hall to the elevator.

\------------------------------

The number 20 flashed across a small screen in the elevator and the doors slid open. Up the hall was a pair of sliding glass doors that let out into a platform filled with grass, a few trees, a bit of garden around the edges. A picnic table was set up near the side and Tony was setting up his grill a little ways away. 

Bruce and Loki were the last ones to get up. Clint was chasing Natasha with a hose, Steve was in the shade, watching Tony over his book, Thor, Jane, and Darcy were seated at the table, and Pepper was standing a few feet away from Tony, pointing and muttering something to him about the grill every so often.

Loki instantly felt out of place and maybe a little sick to his stomach. Thor instantly ushered him over and he had no choice but to oblige, walking across the lawn and sitting at the table across from him. Jane regarded him with caution, watching him with nervous eyes. Darcy on the other hand seemed far less wary.

Either way, Loki didn’t like the fact that everyone had stopped to watch him upon his arrival. He stifled a yawn, burying his face in his hands and rubbing his eyes. Everyone slowly went back to what they were doing. Loki found it interesting to simply watch everyone, observe how they interacted with each other, how they were dressed when they weren’t working. 

Tony and Bruce were both wearing jeans, Tony was in a grey tank top, Bruce was in a green t-shirt. Steve wore khakis and a form fitting white t-shirt. Clint was in short and a red t-shirt, Natasha was in short denim shorts and a champagne coloured tank top. Thor too was in shorts and a plain red t-shirt, Jane was in similar plane clothing (a tank top and capris), Darcy was in short, black shorts and a loose-fitting, see-through t-shirt with a slightly darker coloured bra, or perhaps swimsuit top, underneath.

After having disregarded Loki’s presence, everyone relaxed again. Tony got the grill going and began throwing slabs of meat over the fire. Clint had finally given up on chasing Natasha with the hose, seeing as she’d put him in a headlock and made him drop it. Clint was now chatting with Tony as he grilled, and Nat was sitting on the ground in front of Steve, who’d begun a poor attempt at braiding her hair. 

“And how’s- how’s Loki adjusting? To being here?” Jane asked Thor, her gaze flicking at him every so often.

The dialogue caught Loki’s attention and he turned his gaze back to the people at the table.

“Hard to say considering he won’t come out of his room.” Thor replied, tossing a joking, pointed glare at Loki.

“I have no reason to come out of my room.”

“How about to eat, Brother?” Thor replied, chuckling warmly. “Speaking of, did Doctor Banner deliver my gift?”

“Yes, he did… I appreciated it…” Loki replied, staring at the paint he was picking at on the table.

“I knew you would.” Thor said, looking satisfied with himself.

“Oh, uh, by the way,” Jane cut in after a moment of silence. “This is Darcy, she keeps poking me in the ribs so I’ll introduce her.”

“Hi.” Darcy smiled and gave a tiny wave at Loki.

Loki nodded, letting his gaze linger over her face shortly before returning it to the paint.

\------------------------------

It wasn’t long before Tony was calling for people to come get their food. By that point, Loki had picked a lawn chair in the shade to lay and was sleeping. He heard Tony call, but had no intentions of eating until Thor practically dragged him over to the grill, insisting upon it.

“You’ve not eaten in days Loki, you need to eat now.” Thor said, handing Loki a plate.

Before he could object, Tony tossed buns onto it, followed by a piece of meat placed on top of one. Loki sighed in exasperation and walked back to the table. Darcy sat across from him now and started moving things from her plate onto his.

“What are you doing?”

“Your burger looks sad, it needs lettuce and tomato and- you’re not allergic to any of this stuff are you?”

“Am I what?” Loki arched an eyebrow at her.

“Allergic, you know, like you eat something and it makes you sick or something.” Darcy finished her work and put the top bun over the new additions to Loki’s sandwich. “Take a bite, tell me what you think.”

Loki looked down at the food on his plate. He hadn’t been given a fork or a knife or anything and was unsure how he was expected to go about eating the thing. He gazed up at Clint, who was already eating through his. He looked back down at his sandwich and lifted it the same way Clint was holding his, and took a small, hesitant bite.

Darcy laughed and took a bite of hers. “You know you’re allowed to take bigger bites than that.”

“Don’t bother Darcy, Loki is notorious for taking small bites.” Thor said, plopping himself down beside her.

“Oh come on, you can’t be taking smaller bites than Jane, do over!”

“Do- what?”

“Take a bigger bite dummy, you’re making me look bad!”

Loki felt uncomfortable with the eyes on him. Thor wasn’t exaggerating, Loki did take miniscule bites, even when he wasn’t outrageously uncomfortable, but he was pretty sure Darcy wasn’t going to let up until he did. So he swallowed his pride and his previous bite and took a larger one. When he pulled his face from the food, he looked up at Darcy, hoping it was enough to satisfy her.

She grinned back at Loki, laughing, “I knew he had it in him, see, that’s a normal sized bite, the other one made you look like a princess or something.”

Now that everyone had their food, they were all slowly migrating over to the table. Steve and Natasha came first. Steve sat beside Thor and Natasha sat beside Loki. Clint came soon after to sit beside Nat, and Tony, Pepper, and Bruce came over soon after, filling up the last few spaces available.

Most of what the others chatted about made little to no sense to Loki, so he silently finished his meal and waited for an opportunity to excuse himself. Unfortunately, one never really came. They kept the chatter up with impeccable speed, there was hardly a moment of breath.

“Ok, but really, all you who bet I was gonna blow something up, pay up.” Tony said, pointing at several people.

Clint put his hands up, looking slightly defensive. “Oh come on, we were joking Stark! You’re not gonna take that seriously are you?”

“You people put no faith in my tech.” Tony replied, turning away and sticking out his lower lip.

“Your tech attacked me in the middle of the night Tony, I don’t blame them.” Pepper cut in.

“Hey hey, I would _hardly_ consider that as an attack, it just gave you a little scare.” Tony shot back.

“Yeah? Who else was the victim of Tony’s shiny new linked-directly-to-his-mind tech?” Pepper asked, an amused look on her face. Several people put their hands up, laughing.

“I was having panic attacks, and I got over it, no one’s been attacked in months.” Tony responded quickly. “And I had every reason to be a little freaked out, I told you all about that guy that blew up my Malibu house right?”

Everyone groaned.

“Tony, no one wants to hear about the Mandarin again, let it go.” Pepper ran a hand over Tony’s shoulder.

“Pepp-”

“Anyone up for a change of subject?” Steve asked, sensing the conversation getting a little tenser than it needed to be.

“Loki, why don’t you tell us some story about Thor? I wanna see if we can embarrass him.” Natasha said, casting a sly grin at Thor.

“I do not embarrass Natasha, but you may try.” Thor laughed, dropping a handful of chips into his mouth.

“I have no stories to tell.” Loki replied simply.

“Oh come on, chance to embarrass your brother and you’re not going to take it?”

“He’s not my brother, and I’m not a story teller.”

“Yeah, but you’ve gotta have some stories, you’ve lived with the guy for…” Clint turned to look at Thor. “How old are you guys, holy shit how has this thought not occurred to me yet?”

“Loki is 1,049, I’m 1,070.” Thor replied casually.

Everyone stopped for a second.

“Ew Jane, you’re dating an old guy!” Darcy burst out. Jane smacked her playfully.

“Wait, that would make you…” Natasha flicked her eyes back and forth between the two for a second. “That would only make you two about, what, 17 in comparison to our aging time?”

Clint choked on his drink, putting the cup down and hacking into his napkin. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Loki looked around nervously. “I don’t understand, what’s the significance of this?”

“You’re crazy old and crazy young at the same time.” Darcy replied. “It’s wigging everyone out, are you going to eat your chips?”

Loki passed his plate to Darcy, shaking his head in dismissal.

“Wow, that’s…” Jane was looking at Thor and Loki in awe. “You’re both seriously over a thousand years old? That’s…”

“Are we not going to focus on the fact that Nat just said Loki’s technically not even old enough to buy his own cigarettes?” Clint asked, finding the whole situation far more amusing than he probably should.

The attention on Loki was beginning to make him sweat. Jane kept looking at him, as did Darcy, Natasha had been staring at him since they’d made the realization, and Clint flicked his gaze over at him every so often as well. He hadn’t even noticed the fact that Tony was staring him down too.

“Excuse me.” Loki muttered half-heartedly, removing himself from the table and walking back inside.

“What just happened?” Pepper tossed a confused glance behind her, watching Loki leave.

“I’m not sure Loki is used to the amount of attention we were just giving him.” Thor replied.

“He seemed to like the attention when he was blasting lights into the sky from the top of the tower.” Clint responded, finishing the rest of his drink.

Thor shrugged. “I’m unsure.”

“You wanna go talk to him?” Jane asked.

Thor shook his head. “Loki does not wish to speak to me.”

“I could check on him if you want.” Natasha offered.

“Thank you, I appreciate it.”

Natasha nodded, dropped her napkin on her plate and excuse herself as well, following Loki into the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	10. Sleeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki just wants to be left alone, but the Avengers are making it increasingly more difficult for him to keep to himself. Every seems so annoyingly concerned with his business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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Loki was already hyperventilating by the time he hit the elevator. The doors slid shut and he leaned against the back wall, taking deep breaths and running his hands through his hair. With how severe his nightmares were, calming himself down from this was easy. He was coming down by the time he hit his floor.

He disappeared into his room, quickly slipping back into his bed, kicking his shoes off and wrapping the blanket around him. He was just beginning to relax again when another knock came at his door. He was so utterly tempted to just ignore it, but he also knew that if he didn’t answer it, whoever it was would just make JARVIS open the door for them.

So he slid back out of the bed and answered the door, opening it only a few inches to see who was there. 

“Hey, you left pretty quickly, you ok?” Natasha asked once the door opened.

“People seem to be asking me that increasingly frequently, I’m beginning to wonder if I shouldn’t be asking you all the same question.” Loki retorted.

Natasha arched an eyebrow. “Are we going to lie to each other? Because that’s not why I came up here. I think by now we both know when the other is lying.”

Loki was silent for a moment. They both knew after their last exchange that they were both heavy with the emotional manipulation, so lying and pretending to be defensive wouldn’t really get him out of this.

“Look, I appreciate this concern, or whatever it is, but I really have no interest in pouring my heart out to someone who I still consider an enemy at best.”

“We’re not your enemies Loki, we’re your roommates, and whether you like it or not, that’s not going to change any time soon. You can’t spend the next forty years sulking in your room.” Natasha replied, folding her arms over her chest.

“I’m not sulking.”

“Brooding? Moping? I don’t know what you’re doing up here, but this is the first time you’ve left your room in a week and a half, it’s not healthy.” Natasha said, pausing for a second to stare off in thought before returning her eyes to Loki.

“What do you know of my health, I’m not human.” Loki responded dryly.

“Thor doesn’t sulk in his room all day.”

“I’m not Asgardian either.”

Natasha sighed, shrugging a little. “You’re very aggravating, you know that? Look, I’m gonna go back to my room and find a movie, and I’m gonna come back up here and you’re gonna watch it with me, ok?”

“A-... Do what?”

“Do you like books Loki?”

Loki furrowed his brow. “Y-Yes, why?”

“You reading anything right now?”

“Yeah.”

“What book?”

“Journey To The Center Of The Earth by Jules Verne.”

Natasha nodded, cracking a tiny smile. “That’s a good one.”

She turned and headed back to the elevator. Loki furrowed his brow again, not sure how that was relevant to anything, but closed the door nonetheless. He stripped back down to his underwear and dug through his drawers. He found a pair of loose-fitting black leggings, pulling the cuffs up to mid-calf, and a tank top. Once he was dressed again, he straightened the blanket out on his bed and sat down, pulling down his box of pyrthe nuts and opening it.

The next knock came a while later and Loki let Natasha into his room, his nerves pounding in the back of his head. Natasha pushed a button and a panel flipped on the wall across from Loki’s bed, revealing a tv screen. Loki furrowed his brow, wondering what else was hidden in the walls of his room.

“So I wanted to find a movie with the same style as Journey To The Center Of The Earth, but I don’t actually own a whole lot of movies, so…” Natasha trailed off, pulling the dvd box and pulling the disc out. “Here, I got Midnight In Paris. I don’t know if you’ll like it, but I really enjoyed it. One of the actors even looks a little like you.”

She slipped the disc into the slot and walked over to the bed, sitting down and tucking her knees up to her chest. Loki hesitantly joined her on the bed. He sat a couple feet away from her, but as soon as he was comfortable and she started the movie, she moved closer to him, leaning her cheek on his shoulder.

“Do you speak French, Loki?” She asked, looking up at him.

“Assez pour s’en sortir.” He replied, folding his hands on his lap.

“Ok, good, I don’t think this movie has subtitles for the French parts.” She settled down, leaning on him more heavily.

The movie played and they watched quietly. Halfway through the movie, they’d relaxed further against the bed and against each other. Loki had his arm slung haphazardly around Natasha’s shoulders, and Nat had her head rested against his chest. For the first time since he’d been with Danny, Loki felt relaxed. He didn’t feel that bundle of nerves knotted in his stomach and he just felt… content.

The movie was more than entertaining, even if he didn’t get a lot of the jokes and references, but he at least chuckled a couple times throughout the movie. By the end, Natasha had begun dozing off, and Loki, admittedly, had a couple tears brimming in his eyes. The credits rolled and he cracked a small smile. He looked down at the sleeping figure beside him and opted not to disturb her. 

He slowly retracted his arm from around her, moving the shut the screen off, and leaned back against the bed. He conjured a small light and picked his book up, which had tangled in the sheets at the bottom of the bed, and resumed reading. He could hardly keep his eyes open, but sleeping with another person in the bed was not an option. If he awoke thrashing like he usually did, Natasha would wake too and bare witness to his pitiful display post-nightmare. He couldn’t imagine what would happen if it was a bad night too.

\------------------------------

There was no telling when Loki finally passed out. It’d happened while he was still reading, so he dropped the book before he got a chance to mark where he left off. His sleep was undisturbed, dreamless, for most of the night, but around four or five in the morning, his breath caught in his throat. Some wound tightly around his neck. He was swimming in boiling water. A looming sense of dread circled him.

He bolted up, soaked in sweat, wheezing and gasping loudly. He wasn’t entirely sure who kept letting out those pained, fearful screams, but they rattled his chest. He threw himself to the side, scrambling to get away from… he wasn’t sure what, but he had to move. He dropped from the bed, hitting the floor on his hands and knees, writhing on the floor for a moment before finally finding his bearings and dragging himself to his feet.

Natasha woke soon after Loki did, watching as he squirmed free of the sheets and fell to the floor. He stumbled about the room, making his way around to the other side of the bed and into the bathroom. She stood once he disappeared into the other room and followed him, shocked to find him sliding down into the bathtub and, with violently shaking hands, turned the shower on over himself. He brought his hands up around his head, heavy breathes still wracking his chest, his whole body shook like an earthquake.

It took a few minutes, but Natasha finally convinced herself to approach Loki. She knelt in front of the bathtub and reached a hand out to Loki. Until she touched him, he’d been acting as though he didn’t know she was there, but when her fingertips grazed his skin, he jolted, his eyes locking with hers.

“Loki, are you ok?”

The water was freezing against her skin and she wasn’t sure how Loki was able to have his whole body under it.

“Loki, can you hear me?”

“Please leave.” He uttered. The words were quiet and his eyes were blown wild with fear and confusion.

“Loki I can’t, you’re having an extreme panic attack, I can’t leave you here alone.”

“Go, I can handle it, just please go away.”

Natasha watched him for a for a minute more before making a decision. She moved forward and slipped into the tub beside him, shuddering at the touch of cold water on her skin. Loki covered his face with one hand, moving away from her touch. She reeled him back in, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close. He didn’t resist again.

She rubbed circles over his back and ran her ran up and down his arm. He shuddered and sighed, leaning against her. His eyes slid shut again and he relaxed, his breathing evened out, and eventually, his heart rate returned to normal.

“You doing ok?” She asked

His eyes snapped back open and he nodded, sitting up a bit. “I-...” He coughed, his voice cracking.

“I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about. Not without your permission.”

“...I appreciate it.”

“I would like to tell Bruce though.”

“Why?” He looked up at her.

“I don’t know a lot about mental health, he does, he might have some ways to help alleviate the nightmares.” She replied, stroking her hand over his cheek.

He finally pulled away from her and shut the water off, rising to his feet and stepping out. She stood too, the left side of her body damp, but not entirely soaked like Loki was. He grabbed a towel, handing it to her, then grabbed another and wrapped it around himself.

“I’m gonna head back to my room, do you need me to get you anything?”

He shook his head, exiting the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	11. Confliction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce makes efforts to help Loki, who's still attempting to remain as elusive as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr!
> 
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Loki spent the day in bed again, chastising himself for having fallen asleep in front of Natasha. Chastising himself for allowing her into his room in the first place. He should have insisted against the movie, he should have at the very least woken her and had her move back to her own room. Now not only did she know about his night terrors, she was going to tell Bruce, and the man would make it his business to try to ‘help’ Loki.

He didn’t need help. There wasn’t anything wrong with him. So what if he had a few nightmares and wasn’t quite as energetic as he used to be? It didn’t mean he needed some human shrink poking around in his head. It didn’t mean he needed any of their _pity._

He cursed himself again, pulling his knees tighter against his chest. He hadn’t bothered to fix the sheets on his bed. His book still lay haphazardly on the floor, and his sopping wet clothes from that morning had never made their way to the dirty clothes bin. All he’d managed to do was strip them away and pull on a pair of clean underwear before sliding back down onto the bed. 

~~~

That day was darkened, thick storm clouds had completely taken over the sky. No one felt like doing much of anything. Natasha and Clint dragged themselves out of bed and upstairs to watch a movie together on the couch. Tony locked himself away down in his lab, revamping his old suits or something, he’d been muttering about it under his breath while making coffee. Bruce still hadn’t come out of his room. He liked to meditate more on days like this, said it made for extra relaxation. Even Steve had stayed in and used the treadmills for his morning run rather than going down to the park like he usually did.

Clint loved these lazy days. When the sky was clouded over, it seemed like the only time people weren’t pushing him to be productive, because no one else really wanted to be productive either. He’d gotten up fairly late in the morning, went upstairs and poured himself a cup of coffee. Natasha was already halfway done with hers, her body sprawled out over the couch, and was reading some magazine.

He walked over to her, pulling the magazine from her fingertips and pressed a kiss to her lips before laying down, practically on top of her, and sipped at his coffee. Nat let out a groan, shifting under him, trying to push him off of her.

“Clint, you’re heavy.”

“Am not!”

“You are too, you big lump, get off!”

Clint let out a long, high-pitched whining noise until she finally gave in and let him stay. He smirked and sipped at his coffee again, reaching for the remote and turning on the tv. He channel surfed for a while, maybe watching each channel for two or three minutes before moving on. Eventually, he simply settled for cartoons, some real old one Natasha didn’t recognize. Clint was practically falling asleep again by the time the episode finished.

Three episodes later, Bruce finally came up stairs, quickly pouring a glass of orange juice before going and sitting near Clint and Natasha.

“Have you talked to Loki yet?” Nat asked, jolting Clint awake. “Sorry.”

Clint waved his hand, sitting up and yawning.

“Mm, not quite yet. I’ll go down soon.” Bruce replied, taking a long drink.

“What’s he need to talk to Loki about?” Clint asked, still a little half asleep.

“Just some personal stuff, I don’t think he’d be happy if I told everyone.” Natasha replied, stretching her legs out and putting her feet over Clint’s lap.

“Pff, whatever. Can’t imagine what secrets he’d have to keep from me. I doubt he even knows I don’t remember anything.” Clint mumbled, distractedly running his hands over Natasha’s feet.

“You really do need to deal with that though, it’s going to have subconscious consequences.” Natasha replied.

“She’s right, I could give you a card for-”

“Nononono, both of you stop it. I’m not seein’ no shrink, got it? I’m fine.” Clint grumbled, turning his attention back to the tv.

“You know, that’s what Loki told me when I asked about him locking himself in his room for more than a week.” Bruce replied, cleaning his glasses.

“I’m not Loki. Don’t compare me to him.”

Bruce nodded and stood. “Sorry, didn’t mean to offend you. I’m gonna go down and talk to him now though, hopefully I’ll have better luck than with you.”

“Good luck, the guy’s stubborn as fuck.” Clint mumbled back.

~~~

When the knock came at his door, Loki was wondering if it would be worth it to gather supplies for a silencing spell so he wouldn’t have to listen to the insufferable banging on his door that seemed to be occurring more and more frequently lately. Ultimately, he dragged himself up, grabbing a robe to cover himself. He was not surprised in the slightest when he saw Bruce on the other side. Honestly the only person he could see on the other side that would surprise him at this point was Clint. The man seemed more than happy to simply ignore him.

“Can I help you?”

“Mm, Nat told me you’ve been having nightmares, though I might be able to help.”

“I don’t recall actually giving her permission to tell anyone. As it was, she shouldn’t have known in the first place either.” Loki replied dryly.

“Well if it’s any consolation, I don’t plan on telling anyone else, and neither does Nat. We just wanna help.”

“Why? Why are any of you trying to help me, I’ve given you no reason to do anything less than hate me.”

Bruce shrugged. “It’s just what we do Loki, we help people.”

“Well I don’t want it.” Loki shut the door, pausing on the other side, mulling the proposition over.

“What would you want in return for letting me help you?” Bruce’s voice rang from the hallway.

Loki paused. That definitely made no sense, but he sounded genuine, as always, and couldn’t resist the idea. He opened the door a bit, eyeing Bruce.

~~~

Ever since Loki moved into the tower, the confliction of emotions that always seemed to stir in Clint’s gut grew louder. He knew if he gave in and agreed to see a therapist or whatever Nat had suggested to regain his memories, the confliction would grow even more. 

There was no doubt in Clint’s mind that he loathed Loki for what he did. There was no excusing the countless lives Loki took, no excusing the minds he possessed. Yet, Clint still felt a strong connection to Loki. He found himself worrying about him, about his wellbeing. He found his finger hovering over the 70th Floor button in the elevator several times, only to yank it back when he realized what he was tempted to do.

Simply put, he seemed to be torn in half as two people, one wishing to release an arrow through Loki’s throat, the other wishing to step in front of Loki and take the arrow himself, so long as it meant keeping Loki safe. It was maddening, but so long as he didn’t see Loki in person, he seemed to be able to keep a lid on it.

He was pleasantly surprised at himself for being able to keep his grip during the barbeque, the first time Loki had stepped out of his room since the night of his arrival. He even managed to ignore him most of the time, though he’d be lying if he didn’t dwell with great amusement over the idea of Loki technically being no older than 17.

That night, he slept in Natasha’s bed. He did that when he couldn’t sleep. He was surprised to find it empty, though tried not to dwell on where she was. He didn’t own her, she could go where she wished without him questioning it. He was relieved when she finally came back early the next morning though.

His sleep that night had been filled with more images from his time with Loki. It was the night Loki went to Stuttgart, Germany and was captured by the Avengers. They’d flown over from Italy together (they were all over the world gathering materials for Loki’s plans), then parted quickly after landing. Loki went off to make a distraction for Clint and to obtain the eyeball he needed, and Clint went off to obtain whatever it was Selvig had needed (he barely remembered, some sort of chemical or metal?).

He killed just short of a dozen people that night. Good people, he imagined, just trying to do their job. They were all guards, unsuspecting guards that’d probably never faced anything more than a few punk kids spray painting the building.

He sighed when Natasha slid into the bed beside him, rousing him from his sleep. He moved against her, pulling her into his arms and trying to peel his mind from the images he just saw. Besides the confliction he felt in his gut, this was another reason he didn’t want to remember. He didn’t want to remember how many innocent lives he took in Loki’s name. He didn’t want to remember all of the horrible things Loki made him do. He didn’t want to remember.

Natasha was right though. Not remembering caused consequences. He imagined the confliction was partly caused by it. Maybe if he could just remember the terrible things Loki made him do, it would sever that connection, that need to keep him safe. Or maybe it would simply make it worse. He couldn’t risk that, so he didn’t bother.

~~~

Over the course of the next two weeks, Loki emerged from his room twice. He was silent, scaring anyone who was upstairs when he went up. The first time it was Tony, up at ungodly hours of the night making himself a sandwich when Loki stepped out of the elevator, barefooted and wrapped in some thin, regally decorated robe. Tony’s gaze flicked up and he dropped the knife he’d been using to spread mustard over his bread. Loki uttered a small apology, slipping past him to get to the fridge.

The second time he went up, it was a little past noon. Steve and Thor were the only ones up there when Loki stepped out, making his way to the fridge to grab some small snack before leaving again. Thor seemed pleased that he was out, Steve nearly thought he was having an asthma attack. He’d all but forgotten Loki even lived there, he certainly wasn’t expecting to see him out and about. Loki simply eyed the two as he walked across the room and back again, never uttering a word to either.

He did, however, bump into Clint on his way out. Clint was stepping out of the elevator, a little winded, drenched in sweat, his hair which was beginning to get a tad shaggy hung in his face. His eyes had widened when he saw Loki, swallowing and stepping around him. Loki uttered the same quiet apology he’d given Tony, keeping a good two feet between him and Clint as he rounded him and got onto the elevator.

“Since when does Loki leave his room without Nat or Bruce harassing him about it?” Clint asked.

“Dunno. Maybe he’s getting bored.” Steve replied simply.

“I don’t think I could get used to that, that was weird as hell.” Clint replied, filling a glass with water and chugging it quickly. “If he keeps that up though, someone needs to tell him to put on actual clothes before coming up.”

“Yeah, because you’ve never lounged around up here for _hours_ wearing nothing but your boxers and a t-shirt if we’re lucky.” Steve retorted, laughing shortly.

“An hour and a half at most is not the same as _hours_.” Clint snarked back. 

“I am glad he’s come out of his room. Perhaps it means he’s warming up to us finally. I think having Bruce and Natasha making attempts to interact with him is helping.” Thor said, a small smile cracking across his lips.

Clint shrugged. At least if that’s the case, he’s getting influence from good people. Maybe Bruce will get him to do yoga and he’ll zen out. It’s as much to hope at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	12. Therapeutic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce drags Loki to his first therapy appointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr!
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Convincing Loki to leave his room was hard enough, but to convince him to get dressed and come down to the parking garage and let Bruce drive him someplace? Nearly impossible. Even so though, Bruce finally got him down to the car and headed off to the Office of Mental Health. He didn’t say it out loud, but Bruce was pretty certain that the nightmares were a symptom of some other mental illness. He didn’t expect anyone would argue that even without the nightmares manifesting, Loki was probably very ill. Saying it out loud though probably would have guaranteed the impossibility of getting Loki there though, so instead, he just stuck to saying he wanted to help him sleep better. 

During the ride, Bruce had expected Loki to begin questioning him and his motives and what was going to happen, etc. etc., but instead, Loki just stared out the window, watching everything pass. After about ten minutes, Loki’s eyes had closed and he was beginning to doze off. The ride took twenty minutes, so by the time they reached the center, Loki was softly snoring, passed out against the window.

Bruce reached out and placed his hand on Loki’s shoulder, giving it a gentle shake, calling out his name. Loki roused, his eyes opening and turning to focus on Bruce. He cleared his throat and sat up, rubbing his eyes and looking around.

“Where are we?”

“New York Office of Mental Health.” Bruce replied hesitantly.

“Mental health? You think I’m ill?” Loki asked, sounding just a little bit offended.

“Well, the nightmares would be caused by something mental, it’s all-”

“Do not lie to me Banner, you’re horrible at it.” Loki snapped.

“They’re just going to ask you a few questions, ok? Whether you’re ill or not, they _will_ help with the nightmares, but only if you answer honestly.” Bruce opened the car door and stood.

Loki followed his movements and got out of the car, following Bruce into the building. SHIELD had issued a series of false papers for Loki so he could receive health care, assuming he needed it, a drivers license, assuming he ever earned the right to get one, and pretty much anything else he would need a human identity for.

Upon their arrival, Bruce checked them in, Loki hearing that he’d been given a false last name (Lathbrok, it lacked charm), then they sat in the waiting room. Bruce read over magazines and Loki simply sat, cleaning his nails, looking around the room. Roughly ten minutes passed before they were called in.

They were seen by a female psychiatrist, Doctor Freeman, a woman in her thirties with light brown skin and dark brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. Her eyes were a light blue, beautiful in contrast to her dark complexion. Loki couldn’t help but marvel.

He quickly found himself disliking her though. Not for any flaw in her personality, but simply the fact that he strongly disliked being asked personal questions, especially with Bruce’s kind, innocent eyes urging him to tell the truth. It wasn’t long before he was answering each question with a short, dry reply, trying his hardest not to start snapping insults at her.

~~~

“So, that all sounded pretty horrible.” Bruce said as he and Dr. Freeman stepped into an empty room, leaving Loki behind in her office.

“To be honest with you Dr. Banner, it’s been a very, very long time since I’ve met someone as… ill, as he is. I mean, the list goes on and on.” She replied, removing her glasses and placing them atop her head.

“What about the nightmares?”

“Sleep Terror Disorder, most likely triggered by severe PTSD. Do you know what could be the source of that?”

Bruce paused for a moment, thinking. “I don’t know him that well, whatever it is probably happened before I met him.”

She nodded. “Well, none of this is going to get better on it’s own. We should discuss treatment with him, but I’d strongly recommend daily therapy as well as medication.”

“I can tell you now, he’s not going to like that.” Bruce replied, tossing a glance through the window in the door, watching Loki.

“Let’s see, shall we?”

They stepped back into the room, Dr. Freeman sitting back down at her desk, and Bruce sitting in the chair beside Loki. She looked over her notes again before looking up at them. A strong knot of nerves had twisted in Loki’s stomach, and he knew from the way Bruce looked when he entered and the way Dr. Freeman sighed at her notes, he’d divulged too much information. He chastised himself for being so truthful.

“Mr. Lathbrok, what I’m looking at here is a list I’ve put together of the possible diagnosis, but I really can’t say for certain which ones you definitely have after only one session. What I’d like to do is transfer you over to a therapist who would work with you every day, and you’d meet with me once a week. After a couple weeks, I’d probably like to prescribe you some medications to help as well.”

“...Wait, you said you had a list, list of what? I thought I was just in here for the night terrors.” Loki replied, narrowing his eyes, trying to see what was on the list.

“True, but after talking with you, I believe there’s more to it than just the nightmares. They’re more like a symptom of something else. You may go to a doctor for a cough, only to find out you’ve got a cold or the flu, understand?”

Loki looked to Bruce, letting out a small smile. “You understand how bad an idea this is right?”

“Well, considering the um… circumstances, I think we’d probably have you see a SHIELD Psychiatrist, rather than anyone here, but I think it’s a good idea overall.” Bruce replied, taking off his glasses to clean them.

Loki rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair in defeat. 

~~~

Bruce was responsible for taking Loki across town to SHIELD headquarters each day after that. Natasha was busy with her own work most days, and Loki didn’t want anyone else knowing what was going on. They ended up spending almost an hour together in the car each day, half an hour to and half an hour back. The first few trips were spent silently, but eventually they began talking.

Mostly Bruce, anyways. He would spend a minute or so to tell a short story or mention something, just trying to ease Loki’s nerves before they would get there each day. He could practically taste the tension pouring off Loki in droves. He knew how much the ex-god despised the situation he was in. He at least hoped some of his stories helped, even though Loki never really replied much.

Bruce would tell stories about his travels, much of them from when he was hiding in India and Nepal. He said he thought Loki might like it out there, in the richer parts of the country.

“You take me for the type of guy that would prefer being immersed in the culture, rather than just finding some expensive hotel to live it up in during a trip there.” Bruce said. They were nearing the building by now.

“How have you come to this conclusion?” Loki asked, padding his thumb over his lower lip, eyes still glued to the window.

“The way your room is decorated. Almost every inch of your walls are covered in books, the parts that aren’t have paintings. You’ve got that piano in there. You’re more the artistic type. Artists don’t really care for lavish when they’re surrounded by culture.” Bruce replied, glancing over at Loki every so often.

“Keen eye, considering I’ve never even let you into my room.”

“You learn to be observant when you’ve spent years running from the Government, and other groups that wanna dissect you.”

“I would certainly imagine so.”

Strangely enough, Loki found speaking to the SHIELD Psychiatrist easier than speaking to Dr. Freeman. Perhaps it was because he was already filled in about Loki’s past. He didn’t have to worry about accidentally letting slip that he was an alien. That was comforting, at the very least.

At first he spoke very little. He’d reply usually with yes or no or he wouldn’t reply at all. After a few days though, he elaborated a bit more. He never let on how greatly some of the things he said affected him though. He played most of it off as a joke or like a fleeting annoyance. Of course, he couldn’t help but grow irritable about some of the topics, especially when it was brought to Thor or Odin.

“During your stay here the first time, you had a number of people under some sort of spell, you were controlling them. It’s my understanding now that you live with one of those people. How is that working so far?”

“I barely see him, what does it matter?” Loki asked. His head had begun aching halfway through the session.

“It seems like it could be a potential stressor. You two don’t fight at all?” He asked, arching an eyebrow at Loki.

“I barely see him, were you not listening? We’ve not spoken to each other since I began living there. I’ve seen him three, maybe four times.”

“You seem distressed by this. Do you wish you could see him more?”

“Why would I wish that? He hates me, it would only stir trouble if I tried to interact with him. There would be no reason.” Loki slouched in his chair a bit, bored eyes fixed on the clock.

“Do you wish he didn’t hate you?”

“I think I’d like to talk about something else now.” Loki replied finally, tiring of the topic. It was not one he had spent terribly much time dwelling on, and when he had, he usually found himself hating himself even more.

“What about the others, how do you get along with them?”

“How is this going to help my nightmares?” Loki snapped. “Or was that never your intention. Are you meant to help me, or evaluate me?”

“You suspect me of lying?” The doctor asked, scribbling something on his notepad.

“Is there a reason I shouldn’t? Is there a reason I should trust one of SHIELD?”

The doctor simply watched Loki for a moment more before scribbling something else, humming a sort of affirmation under his breath.

~~~

The session finally came to a close and Loki stood, his legs stiff. The doctor handed him an appointment card, reminding him to be there the same time tomorrow, before Loki exited the room. He stuffed the card in his pocket, knowing he’d only throw it away when he got a chance. He ran a hand over his eyes, feeling exhausted. When he peeled them away and rounded a corner, he nearly ran straight into Clint.

Clint stumbled back, his eyes locking on Loki’s face. “What the hell are you doing here?” He asked, sounding more confused than accusatory.

“I have to check in here every so often so your boss knows I’m not planning to slaughter you all in your sleep. Of course, it lacks finesse, I’d prefer you all to be awake if I ever decide it’d be worth my time.” Loki replied casually, as though it was something he and Clint conversed about often (which it may well have been, what did Clint know?).

“Charming. Who drove you over here?”

“Doctor Banner. He should be waiting for me outside, so if you’ll exc-” His eyes caught something behind Clint.

Clint turned, seeing a group of SHIELD agents pouring out of a room from some meeting. He didn’t recognize any of them really, just other people he saw in passing at best. One of them had paused, filling a cup at the water fountain and glancing around her. Her eyes met with Loki’s and her lips twitched upwards.

Looking back, Clint was surprised to see that Loki was smiling too. Not that ear-to-ear tooth-filled grin that Clint was used to, but a small, sweet smile he’d never seen before. The agent finished filling her cup and walked over to them, letting Loki pull her into a hug.

“Loki, what are you doing here?” She asked when he pulled away.

“Evaluation.” Loki replied.

“Oh? What room was that, who’d you see?” She asked. She had this way of telling when Loki was lying, it was horribly annoying.

“308.” Loki replied, not wanting to mention the exact name of whom he’d seen, for fear that Clint would recognize it.

“308? That’s the Psychiatrist’s office.” Clint cut in. Loki felt his heart set up camp in his throat. “Since when do you see a shrink?”

“Since Bruce began dragging me here every day, do you mind giving us some privacy Barton?” Loki growled, casting piercings eyes at Clint.

“Hey now, what happened to those manners we worked so hard on?” Danni asked.

“Manners? Loki knows what those are?” Clint asked.

“He used to, at least. You must be bad influences on him. I had him in tip top shape here.” Danni replied.

__  
Please stop talking Danni, please don’t talk to him.  


“None of us have had a chance to influence him, he won’t come out of his room.” Clint replied, arms folded across his chest. He seemed very amused by Danni. Loki didn’t like the way he was looking at her.

Danni turned and punched Loki, albeit lightly, in the arm. “No wonder you look so scrawny, you’ve not been training have you?”

“The bed there is more comfortable than the one here, how could I possibly bring myself to get out of it long enough to train?” Loki asked, trying to keep up his usual joking demeanor.

“Do I need to put you in another headlock? What’s wrong with you?” Danni gave him a shove, smiling.

“Excuse me, did you say _another_ headlock? How often were you able to do that?” Clint asked, smiling far too wide at this point.

“I managed it a few times, mostly when Loki was being difficult.” Danni replied. “I gotta go though, I’m still on duty. I’m gonna swing by later though, you can’t keep laying around in bed all day.”

Danni glanced around before stepping forward and placing a kiss on his cheek. When she tried to pull away, Loki grabbed her arm and kissed her properly on the lips, making sure not to let it last too long before releasing her.

“Give my love to Evy, will you?” Loki said quietly, offering her another smile.

“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.” She replied sarcastically. “I don’t know what you did to make her dislike you so much.”

“And you never will.” Loki remarked, letting out a short laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	13. Memories and Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint finally gives in an sees Doctor Westwood to begin recovering his memories. Likewise, Loki finally opens up about the cause of his nightmares, going into detail about what happened when he met the Chitauri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I accidentally took a much longer break from this than I intended to. I've just been super out of sorts the past week, but I'm starting to fall back into my routine now.
> 
> Over the next few chapters, I'll be exploring Clint's memories with Loki, and Loki's experiences with Thanos and the Chitauri. I'm going to try to start touching more on the other characters too, but the main focus is establishing Clint's memories, as well as back information for Loki.
> 
> I haven't completely decided specifically where I'm going with all this, but I imagine it will continue to go on as more movies come out and I'm presented with more material to work with. However, I don't work with the other characters anywhere near as much as I work with Clint and Loki, so please leave me feedback! Leave me suggestions for what I could do with the other characters! This story is not about just Clint and Loki, it's about all of the Avengers, so let me know what you'd like to see please!
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr!
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Had it ever occurred to Clint that Loki was mentally ill? Not really. He’d never given Loki much thought at all really. The man stressed Clint out, why would he spend time considering what sort of problems plagued his mind? It was easier to just assume he was fucked up in the head and it didn’t require much more thought than that.

Of course, it also didn’t surprise Clint to find out Loki was seeing a psychiatrist. Well, it did. Loki didn’t exactly strike him as the type of guy to willingly talk to anyone about his feelings, but it certainly didn’t surprise Clint that Loki had shit that needed to be talked about. Clint wasn’t stupid, nor was he deaf. His room was right below Loki’s, he heard him screaming at night. He heard him tumbling out of bed at night and he heard his water running for _hours._

Had it ever occurred Clint to ask Loki about his nightly panic attacks? A couple times, if he was completely honest. He still couldn’t shake that need to take care of Loki, even if consciously it sickened him. He _wanted_ to help Loki, helping people is what he _does,_ but he also could shake the anxiety attack that rose in his throat every time he saw Loki. He couldn’t even figure out why Loki made him feel so disgusting.

He knew he needed to do something about his memory loss. Laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, he _knew_ he couldn’t keep living like this. What on God’s green Earth could Loki have possibly done to make Clint feel so skin-crawly every time he saw him now? Of course, there was _one_ thing Clint could think of, but he couldn’t bring himself to believe even Loki would stoop as low as that. Clint swallowed hard, the thought coming back to his mind again. That familiar knot promptly twisted itself up in his stomach.

Clint had considered a few times seeing the SHIELD psychiatrist, Doctor Carter Westwood, but since it was the same one Loki saw, it somehow felt wrong. He didn’t like the idea of SHIELD getting their hands on information from both of them, it was either one or the other. There was really no reason for him to feel that way, especially since Doctor Westwood wasn’t allowed to reveal information about Clint unless he had reason to believe the Agent had or will go rogue (he’d only seen it happen once. A mutant named Mesmero had gotten in this Agent’s head, sending her little… coercions).

Still though, seeing the same Psychiatrist as the guy that put him in this situation in the first place? Pretty much his only option though, and he knew that. The next closest SHIELD Psychiatrist was in DC, and Clint couldn’t see one that wasn’t SHIELD, not with the nature of the situation. Clint finally accepted this and pushed himself off his bed, hovering around his room, phone in hand. It seemed to take all day to convince himself to dial the number. That knot tightened.

Setting up the appointment was agony. Telling Natasha the decision he’d made was torture. Every step brought him closer to having to relive whatever Loki had put him through to make him feel so slimey all the time. He knew he wasn’t ready to face that, but he also knew he would _never_ be ready, so there was no point in prolonging the process. With a heavy heart and a bordering on painfully knotted stomach, Clint finally went to his appointment.

Upon arriving, Doctor Westwood introduced himself, even though Clint already knew him. He rolled his eyes at the formalities. It wasn’t Westwood’s fault, Clint was just irritated about the whole situation. Sitting there in front of the Psychiatrist, sitting in the too-big chair that was much harder than Clint had imagined just by looking at it, he felt like a bug in a petri dish. Fuck this all to hell.

“We can begin whenever you’re ready Agent Barton.”

The words rang in his ears. He was barely paying attention. Clint had focused his eyes on some spot on the wall behind Westwood and hadn’t looked at nor even spoken a word to the doctor since arriving. He’d have to get over that if he actually wanted to make any progress though.

“Agent Barton?”

Clint looked up finally.

“Based on the nature of your memory-loss, I’d like to try a form of hypnotherapy to begin with. This is entirely up to you though.”

Clint hummed a little, taking in the proposition. Hypnotherapy huh? Sounded like horseshit to Clint, but he had to remember that it couldn’t be that bad with some of the shit he’d seen. He’d literally fought an army of corpses in Budapest, controlled by a necromancer mutant, and he still couldn’t get himself to believe in old fashioned hypnosis? Get a grip Barton, you’re smarter than this.

“Yeah, that’s… that’s fine.” Clint finally agreed, nodding his head.

“Good.” Westwood stood, digging out the materials he’d had waiting at the ready, as though he knew Clint was going to accept.

A slow-blinking light was placed in front of Clint, his eyes focusing on it instantly. Westwood turned on a recording of some sort of low humming noise that fluctuated every so often. It seemed like it would be annoying, but after a minute, Clint actually found it quite soothing.

“Go ahead and close your eyes Agent Barton. Take a moment to clear your mind. Focus on the recording and on my voice. Think of nothing for now, just clear your mind.”

“Now, try to imagine yourself in the base where this all started. What were you doing before Loki arrived?”

Clint thought back, keeping silent for a moment, simply taking a moment to let himself remember the tiniest little details of that base, long destroyed now.

“Fury had just called me down to the main floor. I’d been up in the catwalks, watching the scientists fuss over the Tesseract. I came over, and we were talking. Then-”

“What were you two saying to each other?”

“Um… Fury was mad. He was saying he told me to keep an eye on the Tesseract. I told him I was, that I saw better from afar. I was saying something about the Tesseract being a door, that the tampering was coming from the other side.”

“Go on.”

“The Tesseract gets brighter, then it’s shooting that blue light across the room at the platform. When the smoke and light clears, there’s someone hunched over on the platform. The Tesseract had opened a portal, and someone came through. Fury’s addressing him, but he doesn’t listen. He… he seems distracted, like none of us are actually important to us, that it was just a coincidence we happened to be there when he came through.”

“Then what?”

“He’s attacking. He just fired his sceptre at Fury, maybe someone else, I’m not sure. It all happens so quickly, He’s jumping at us, killing other Agents like they’re nothing. I reach for my gun, but he grabs my wrist- it feels like it’s going to break- and he presses the tip of his sceptre to my chest…”

_  
The alien attacker is close to his face. Too close. Clint can see the heavy bags under his eyes, the sheen of sweat coating his sickly-pale skin, the slight glow of blue in his irises._

_“You have heart.”_

_The words send shivers through his body. Moreso, the tip of that blade makes the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. Something surges through him painfully, snaking up his body in black, electric currents, filling his mind with hushed, overlapped whispers. His vision blacked out for a second. When it came back, everything seemed prismic. Everything was different subtle shades of dark greens and magentas and blues. His vision was tunneled, yet even with the changes to his ability to see, he could see no worse._

_They were leaving now. Fury was in their way, so Clint simply gunned him down._

__  
Kill him-  
Do it-  
He’s stalling-  
Stalliing-  
Kill him, he’s-  
Protect Loki-  
Fury’s in the way-  
 __

_His gun cracked loudly and Fury was out of the way. They grabbed the Tesseract and Clint was escorting Loki and Selvig out. Someone else was with them. He was unimportant though, he simply got in the way. He was unimportant._

_“Who’s that?”_

_Clint looked up. Maria Hill was talking to him._

__  
He didn’t say.  
 _  
“He didn’t say.”_

_SHIELD was a business where more often than not, information was on a need-to-know basis, so if Clint wasn’t told who the man was, Maria didn’t need to know either. It was suspicious, but not overly._

_Then Clint heard Fury’s voice coming through her com. He wasted no time in emptying the rest of his cartridge at her, to no effect but to make time for Loki to fall into the back of the truck, Selvig into the front, and soon, Clint into the driver’s.  
_

“Agent Barton?”

Clint’s eyes snapped open. “What happened? Why’d you stop me?”

“I’m afraid we’re out of time, I have a patient right after you. I would have let you continue if I didn’t.” 

Clint nodded. Right. He was a Psychiatrist for a large base full of assassins and spies Of course he had other patients. He stood shakily, unable to help but feel immensely proud of himself for being able to recall even such a small amount of his memory. So far nothing was so horrible. He shot at Fury and Hill, but neither were injured and neither held a grudge against him now, so no harm done so far he supposed.

He shook Westwood’s hand and confirmed his appointment for tomorrow, and then went for the door. He was surprised and slightly dismayed to find Loki waiting around in the hall outside, though he imagined that must be how the ex-God felt the last time they’d run in here. Worse, since Danni had intentionally embarrassed him, even if just a little, though judging by the kiss he’d given the agent, Clint figured she couldn’t have made Loki too mad.

“Barton… Since… Since when do you…?” Loki furrowed his brow in confusion, then quirked an eyebrow suspiciously, as though it just occurred to him that maybe Clint was conspiring with Westwood, learning his secrets.

“Most people that work for SHIELD eventually see a Psychiatrist, don’t get your panties in a knot Loki.” Clint replied, sounding a little more irritable than he meant to.

He could see Loki swallow hard, recomposing himself. “Fair enough.”

“Uh-huh.” Clint rolled his eyes, growing tired of watching Loki stare at him like _he_ had slighted _Loki,_ instead of the other way around. “Whatever, gonna go see if Tony wants to get a beer with me.”

~~~

Loki watched Clint walk away, disappearing down the hall. His heart had been racing since the second he saw him exit Doctor Westwood’s office. The first thought that had dawned on him was that the two had been discussing Loki. Doctor/Patient confidentiality had been explained to him numerous times, but he still felt like they were lying about it applying to him, since he _was_ technically a prisoner, and what prisoner had rights like that?

“Why don’t you come in and take a seat.” Westwood said gently, breaking through Loki’s thoughts. “What do you want to talk about today?”

Loki stayed silent.

“Not feeling like talking at all today?”

“We’ve already discussed my nightmares, what more is there to talk about?”

“Well, we really only skimmed the nightmares, you were really pretty vague about them. We could go into those more in depth. Oooor…” Westwood pulled open a drawer and pulled out a file, flipping a few pages into it. “We could explore any thing from the list Dr. Freeman sent over.”

Westwood handed over the paper and Loki looked it over, his eyes skimming the long list of disorders, scoffing at the idea of him having _this many things_ wrong _with him._ But at the same time, it didn’t really surprise him. He certainly put up a I’m Perfect And At No Fault Ever front, but inside he knew how fucked up he was. He knew was a monster. Still, this list seemed tedious…

Depression  
Anxiety  
Insomnia  
Sleep Terror Disorder  
Anti-Social Behavior Disorder  
Borderline Personality Disorder  
Histrionic Personality Disorder  
Narcissistic Personality Disorder  
Paranoid Personality Disorder

“Now, obviously I don’t believe you have every single one of these. This list was compiled from the short visit you had with Dr. Freeman, however it’d be good to explore each of these possibilities so we don’t miss anything.”

“...Paranoid Personality Disorder?” Loki knit his eyebrows, looking up at Westwood. “Borderline, Histrionic, what do all these mean?”

“Well, we don’t have time to cover each of them right now, why don’t you pick one and we’ll start from there?”

Loki sighed exasperatedly, tossing the paper back in Westwood’s direction and putting his feet up on the table in front of him. Westwood watched him with gentle, thoughtful eyes, eyes that made Loki feel wildly uncomfortable. Never once did Westwood _ever_ look at Loki with contempt or disgust, he never looked at Loki with anything other than gentle kindness and maybe a touch of thoughtfulness or curiosity. It made Loki immensely uneasy for some reason.

“Why can’t you just tell me how to get rid of my nightmares? They’re they only reason I came here, I don’t have anything else wrong with me.” Loki snapped finally, though his voice lacked that usual fight.

“I can prescribe you something to help you sleep more soundly at night, but I can’t guarantee anything will be completely effective until we’ve further worked out what’s causing the nightmares.” Westwood replied, turning his head to the side, tapping his pencil a couple times against his notepad.

“I told you, they’re caused by my time with the Chitauri.” Loki replied, propping his elbow up on the arm of the chair, leaning against it.

“So you’ve said. Was this before or after they sent you to earth?”

“Before, obviously.”

“Were you on their side at that point?”

“...No.” Loki’s eyes dropped, his teeth worrying over his bottom lip.

“Why not?”

Loki’s eyes snapped back up. “Why? They-.... They didn’t originally want my help attacking Earth. They wanted me to lead them into Asgard so Thanos could have his pick from the weapons vault.”

“And you didn’t want to help them attack Asgard?”

“Of course not!” Loki clenched his teeth tightly, grinding his jaw hard. “I always have been and always will be loyal to Asgard.”

Westwood cocked his head again. “I thought you hated Asgard.”

“No, I hate Odin. There’s a difference between hating the king and hating the land. Asgard itself never did anything to me.”

“And Odin did?”

Loki rolled his eyes again, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Ok, why don’t we go back to the Chitauri then. How did you find them?”

Loki continued worrying the inside of his cheek, his mind drifting in thought a bit. A pit had appeared in his stomach, a sort of falling sensation in his gut. His eyes slid shut, lingering for a moment before opening again, still refusing to focus on Westwood. Instead, they’d found a new spot to pick apart.

“I didn’t find them. They found me…”

_  
How long had it been since he’d fallen from the Bifrost? Hours? Days? Months? Time didn’t seem to be something that existed here, or maybe it existed too much. It was the first time Loki had ever felt cold before, truly cold, and it seemed to last forever. There was nothing around him. Just darkness and cold. He wasn’t even sure if he was drifting or floating or moving or… There was nothing._

_If he had enough energy, enough foolishness to hope for something, he wouldn’t even know what to hope for. Rescue? Death? He had no idea what he wanted at this point other than to be a small child again, nestled against his mother’s lap while she stroked his hair. That was impossible though. He supposed rescue from some alien race would be his best bet._

_Was there even anyone out here to save him though? Where was he? Was he still in Yggdrasil? Could he hope for help from Vanaheim or Alvheim? Or was this beyond their reaches? Was he far enough out that he could hope for help from Nova Corps? Or was he doomed to simply drift through the void until he died?_

_Loki had heard stories from Midgard about some sort of fairytale bright light when death came, he supposed that’s why he saw now. Just a single tiny light… maybe more… maybe there was a dozen, or maybe his vision was blurred. Maybe he was hallucinating from having not eaten in who knows how long. But they were surrounding him now, coming closer and closer and…_

_He was surrounded by small ships. His eyes locked with one directly in front of him, his body making no effort to move or escape or… fuck it, what was the point? One of the ships trapped him in some sort of golden, dusty light, pulling him closer now. It pulled him inside the ship, and soon enough, he was laying on the floor._

_And fuck it felt good to have something solid beneath him. Loki’s eyes fluttered shut and he let out a long sigh, simply enjoying the sensation beneath him, not bothering to wonder who had just snatched him up and for what reason. That came soon enough though. Loki was not left alone for long, and before he knew it, he was surrounded by three purple-grey sort of creatures, tall, heavily armoured in unfamiliar garb, and had a slight instectish feel to them._

_They clacked and screeched at each other. He picked up some of the words, they were speaking the same common language from Asgard (also most commonly spoke throughout the galaxy), but it all sounded garbled, strained, difficult to understand overall._

_“What should we do with it?”_

_“What is it?”_

_“Can we eat it?”_

_“We should take it to The Other.”_

_“It’s not our decision, The Other will know what to do with it.”_

_Whether it was from exhaustion or hunger or something else, Loki could not keep consciousness much longer after that. He slipped under wondering who or what this Other was and why these things seemed to think so highly of it, or them. Oh well, he’d cross that bridge when he came to it. For now, he just needed sleep…. Maybe food later if he could figure out how to use his limbs again.  
_

“Loki? How are you feeling?”

Loki’s eyes snapped up. His lids her rimming at the memory, moist, glistening. He quickly recomposed himself, pulling himself back into the present. He sat up now, pulling his feet off the table and stretching his limbs a bit.

“Do you want to continue?”

Loki shook his head. “No, I want to go home now.”

“We still have another fifteen minutes, are you sure?”

Loki nodded. “I’m tired, I just… I want to go back to the tower.”

Westwood smiled, putting the file and his notepad away. “Of course. Same time tomorrow then?”

“I don’t have much of a choice.”

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	14. Contempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki continues in his recollection of his time with the Chitauri.
> 
> He is introduced to The Other, and soon after, Thanos and his two daughters. Thanos offers Loki a proposition, but the God is quick to spit it back in his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will switch back over to Clint's therapy sessions, delving more into his time with Loki. The next bit will actually take place just before Loki's session, so you'll get to find out what Clint and Bruce were discussing.
> 
> Then, I'm going to split away entirely to cover the other characters, probably Thor, Jane, Darcy, and Selvig. The Aether arc should start in the next three or four chapters.
> 
> And, just so you guys know, the chapters covering Clint and Loki's therapy sessions _will_ be going into detail about Loki's torture and some non-con stuff with Clint. I don't know to what extent yet.
> 
> Keep reading and let me know what you all think, feedback is love!
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr!
> 
> Http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

_  
The Other should have been frightening, intimidating at least, and he was, but Loki simply couldn’t find a reason why he should care. He was either saved or he was dead, and if he was saved, what reason would that be for? Looking up at the grotesque creature, Loki simply felt nothing. Like the void, there was nothing._

_“You… You are Asgardian.”_

_The words broke through Loki’s thoughts. His eyes rose to meet The Other’s, staring at him thoughtfully. His lips twitched up in a sneer, only just managing not to burst out laughing at the accusation._

_“I’m not.” Loki replied, his voice dripping with anger._

_“What are you then?”_

_What was he? Laughable. He wasn’t even a monster like the other Jotuns, he was so tiny and weak, even they didn’t want him. He fit no where._

_“Speak, creature.” The Other had rounded on him, watching him through eyes hidden by his hood._

_“Why does my biology matter? Would it really change what the Norns have in store for me?”_

_“You speak of the Norns, yet you claim not to be Asgardian.” The Other sounded vaguely irritated, though that might also simply be the way he spoke._

_“I am from Asgard, I am not Aesir. I am Jotun.”_

_The Other was quiet now, watching Loki still. He was growing uncomfortable. He’d always hated being in the spotlight like this, with anyone. It made him feel helpless, like a goat being prepared for the slaughter._

_The Other turned to one of the other Chitauri, ordering him to summon someone, Loki didn’t catch the name. He didn’t have to though, he saw soon enough. A creature approached quickly after, tall, strongly built, a pinkish-purple colour. If The Other hadn’t been intimidating, this creature was at least. He was trailed behind by two others, women, one with green skin, the other with blue. The three of them eyed him distastefully._

_“Why have you summoned me?” The being asked, turning his gaze to The Other._

_“He is from Asgard. He knows ways in. He could be useful.” The Other replied, his gaze not swaying from the figure._

_The figure let out a small smile, turning his eyes to look down on Loki again, who’d been forced into a kneeling position upon being taken to The Other. His knees were aching, grinding into the hard rock beneath him._

_“What is your name Asgardian?”_

_Loki quirked an eyebrow. “Loki.”_

_“Loki. My name is Thanos. Is it true you know ways into Asgard?”_

_He had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. “Yes.”_

_“You will show me then.”_

_Loki let out a mused scoff. “I will not.”_

_“You will. In time.” Thanos stood, turning his attention back to The Other. “Please treat our guest accordingly.”_

_Thanos left, trailed again after by the green and blue girls. The Other came back to stand in front of Loki, looking down at him. Loki let out a small smirk, daring the alien to do his worst.  
_

Loki swallowed hard, his jaw clenched. He hadn’t realized until now, but at some point he’d pulled one of his legs into the chair against his chest, his chin rest on his knee. His bottom lip was red and swollen from chewing it between bits of his story.

“What happened then?” Westwood asked, his voice quiet and gentle.

“They took me deep within the meteor. It was basically a military colony inside, filled with Chitauri warriors. I was jailed, left to rot. It would get to the point where I was convinced they forgotten I was there, then someone would show up and give me food and water. They’d stripped me of my clothes, leaving me in thin prisoner garb. I was chained to a wall. They just left me for months. Then, Thanos ordered my audience.” Loki bit down hard on his lip again, his breath hitching in his throat.

__

_“How have you found our service Asgardian?” Thanos asked, smirking._

_Loki was frail and thin, his bony frame now painfully obvious beneath the thin, white rags he was given to wear. The green girl looked at him with an emotionless gaze, the blue one like Loki was a despicable bug that needed to be squashed. That was how he felt now at least, so maybe she wasn’t wrong._

_After a moment passed and Loki didn’t speak, Thanos continued. “I hear Odin has many treasures hidden deep in his vaults, some not even kept on Asgard. How well do you know the stories of these relics?”_

_Loki was having trouble focusing. His mind felt foggy. “What… relics?”_

_“Any relics. His weapons vault is overflowing. Even one treasure could mean my victory. You_ will _help me retrieve them.”_

_His lips twitched up in a forced grin. “I will not.”_

_Thanos frowned. “Your stubbornness is unnecessary. Gamora, persuade him.”_

_The green girl didn’t even cast a questioning glance at Thanos. She stepped forward without hesitation, grabbing Loki’s hand. He tried to yank it back, but it was quickly pulled into a lock, keeping his arm in such a way that if he attempted to move even a little, she would dislocate it. He froze, his heart racing a little. Gamora wasted no time in theatrics though. She grabbed his first finger and wrenched it back, the sickening cracking echoing off the rocks around them._

_Loki let out a stifled cry, his arm jerk back reflexively. She held it in place, grabbing the next finger and looking up at Thanos. Thanos only smiled, his gaze still glued to Loki._

_“You… You think this pathetic display will cause me to betray my home?” Loki hissed, holding Thanos’ stare defiantly._

_Thanos nodded at Gamora and she wrenched his finger back, issuing another yelp from Loki. He clenched his jaw hard, trying not to reveal the pain on his face._

_“Broken fingers heal.”_

_“Then I suppose it’s good that those aren’t the only things I plan to break. Gamora, finish your work and take him down to see his new room. Nebula, come, I have a different job for you.”_

_Thanos and the blue girl, Nebula, turned and left Gamora and Loki alone. Only now to Gamora hesitate. She glanced over her shoulder, looking at him with sadness in her eyes, only noticeable to Loki for spending every second of his life over analyzing every little look anyone ever gave him. She turned her gaze back forward and wrenched two more fingers back, leaving all but his thumb broken before releasing him._

_Loki stumbled back, reclaiming his hand, tucking it against his chest and glaring at her angrily. Whether it had been intentional or not, Loki’s treatment as a ‘guest’ had drained him of his magic, leaving him too weak to do anything but stay standing. He was defenseless and he damn well knew it._

_He had no choice but to let Gamora drag him off, back into the heart of the asteroid. He was led through winding corridors, through over a dozen doors, before being led into a dark room, lit with harsh blue lights. Everything seemed grimy, the whole room was lined with thick coils and wires, the whole thing seemed unnerving. He was pushed back into a chair that seemed as much a part of the room as the panels on the walls, and was strapped down painfully._

_Once he was secure, Gamora regarded Loki with another barely noticeable look of sadness and regret. She opened her mouth as though to say something, but thought better of it and left. Loki couldn’t think of why she would look at him with regret, she didn’t even know him. She should be treating him like Thanos’ other minions, but instead, she only looked like she was following orders because she had to._

_Hours ticked by and Loki was left where Gamora had strapped him in. No one came to speak to him or do anything out of the ordinary. He was simply forgotten like he was in the smaller cell. The only way he was able to tell how much time was passing was because he fell asleep. He’d wake for several hours, never to find any food as the day passed, then fell asleep when he could only assume night was. This happened three times before he finally woke to see someone in front of him._

_It seemed to be a thinner, taller built Chitauri. It’s face was covered by a mask and was adorned in tight robes. Loki looked up and met it’s gaze, staring at those yellow, glass goggles covering it’s eyes._

_“Let me guess, you’re here to torture me until I relent.” Loki said, as though incredibly bored._

_The Chitauri stayed quiet, unmoving. Loki rolled his eyes, adjusting his position in his chair, his knees spread far apart. He was almost convinced the Chitauri was some sort of holograph when it finally began moving. It stepped to the side, pulling something out from behind Loki. When it came into view, he saw it appeared to be some sort of arm that came around, attached to the chair, with a long, thick needle jutting out the end._

_Bringing it around and positioning it in front of Loki, he pulled another from the other side. The needles were pressed into the temples of his head, his jaw clenching, trying to ignore the pain. The Chitauri pulled out more and more. By the time he finished, there were needles stuck into Loki’s temples, throat, chest, all down his arms, between his ribs, along his stomach, the tops of his hands, and dotting down his legs. Blood had beaded around each needle and it took all of Loki’s self-restraint not to sob._

_The Chitauri checked over him again, then pulled a large, bulky control from the belt of his robes. It pressed a button and something behind Loki whirred loudly, powering up. His stomach lurched painfully. The Chitauri pulled down slowly on a lever, and something positioned itself in front of Loki’s chest. He glanced down at it nervously, fear building up in his stomach. A cold sweat had broken out over his cheeks._

_Another button was pushed, and the sound of liquid working through tubes joined the whirring sound. He saw some black, oily liquid rush through the tubes around him, following along to hit the needles. He instantly felt sick, his whole body aching as though he was being filled with lead. He stilled eyed the thing in front of his chest though. Whatever he was being pumped full of, as awful as they were, didn’t worry him as much as this thing hanging menacingly in front of his heart._

_The Chitauri watched for a long time, then hit another button with one of it’s thumbs. The thing charged, glowing slightly, causing Loki’s heart to practically explode with nerves. His eyes flickered from the flat metal in front of him to the Chitauri a few feet further away. He swallowed hard, his mouth feeling dry. The Chitauri slowly cranked a dial up to the first setting and the flat metal piece ignited with electricity._

_Loki’s back arched, his arms pulling against the restraints despite feeling the needles push and pull around inside his flesh. He let out a long, loud scream, no longer able to remain composed. He screamed in agony, pulling against the needles and straps holding him in place. Even though the machine was on and off in only a matter of five or six seconds, it seemed to last forever. His vision spotted black and he felt like he might faint._

_He didn’t though. He kept his gaze trained on the Chitauri defiantly, forcing himself to compose as soon as the machine relented. Loki’s stomach churned painfully and he felt like he might throw up, despite there being nothing in his stomach to empty. His mouth tasted like metal and his brain still popped and cracked with electricity. The Chitauri stared at him for a moment longer, then made a sort of “Hm” sound._

_“Was that terribly fascinating?” Loki sneered, feeling more and more like some sort of grotesque science experiment with every passing moment._

_The Chitauri was silent. It fell still again, watching Loki for a long time. About half an hour passed before it moved again. It looked down at the control in it’s hand, and again cranked up the dial to the lowest setting. Loki was caught off-guard, having focused his whole attention on the black fluid being pumped into his body, turning his skin a sickly grey colour._

_His whole body jolted against the needles, filling his already weak body with even further agony. It felt like his heart was going to explode, his whole chest felt hot like it’d been set on fire. He let out another scream, again and again, arching his head back against the the back of the chair. When the machine turned off again, his breathing was staggered and laboured, wheezing loudly. Tears coated his cheeks, glistening against the blue lights surrounding him._

_“Is that… the worst… you’ve got?” Loki spat, his voice sounding horse despite his rebellious attitude. His eyes were dull, lacking that anger and fire from before._

_“Hm.” The Chitauri placed the control back in his belt and instead retrieved a com of some sort, bringing it to it’s mouth and barking some quiet, chirpy order into it._

_Then, the creature fell still again, just watching Loki. He was determined to show as little weakness as he could, but his body ached so badly, so much more than he could ever remember hurting. He could feel his throat clenching tightly and tears burning at his eyes. He blinked them back and clenched his jaw, refusing to let himself cry._

_Loki was beginning to doze off when the door opened loudly, startling Loki. He jolted and let out a pained groan, remembering the sharp pieces of metal protruding through his skin. His dull gaze slowly reeled to the left to see another Chitauri, one that looked more like the others than the one that had been in charge of his torture up until now. In it’s hands, it carried a metallic box, offering it up to the other Chitauri when it was close enough._

_The first Chitauri pulled the top of the box off, leaving just the sheet of metal that made up the bottom, and a small metal stand that held a bright blue glowing gem. The Chitauri took the ensemble over to Loki, setting it up so it stood right in front of his face, held up by appendages of the chair. Then, both Chitauri left, leaving Loki to do nothing but stare at the glowing gem._

__

“Do you want to stop?”

Loki looked up. His heart was clenched and he found it a little difficult to breath, but otherwise he’d kept himself very well composed. He nodded though. They’d gone nearly twenty minutes past their hour. Loki apologized and stood, popping his joints.

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t have anyone for another forty minutes. You look like you need a break though. Try not to dwell on what we talked about too much, and we’ll meet again tomorrow.”

Loki nodded and shook Westwood’s hand, excusing himself afterwards. He was surprised when he exited the office to find Bruce waiting outside, talking to Clint in hushed, serious voices. When Loki emerged, both of them snapped their mouths shut and looked over at Loki. Bruce’s face was, as usual, fairly unreadable, but Clint was regarding Loki with a look of confusion, sadness, and something else he couldn’t quite place, but either way he looked very stern.

Loki was tempted to ask if there was something wrong, but instead, he simply asked if Bruce was ready to take them home. Bruce nodded and Clint said he’d find a different way home later, that he wanted to hit up his ex for drinks, some girl named Kate Bishop. Loki had heard Clint mention her before. He always spoke very highly of her, it usually left Loki with an oddly familiar kind of sadness that he couldn’t quite place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	15. Florence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint begins to recall his time with Loki in depth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long to get out, I've been so horrifically busy lately. I just wanted to get that out before Homecoming week started. I don't think I'll be available again until next Sunday, so look for the next chapter then.
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

_  
Whatever gave that sceptre it’s power, whatever magic was swirling inside of it, it filled Clint like liquid lead. It clouded out his brain and fogged his vision, claiming his muscles in a tight grasp. When his vision cleared from the initial blast of energy, everything was a foggy shade of deep blue, like looking from coloured lenses. Loki’s was the first face he saw, it was the first face he followed._

_He knew exactly where to take them. He and his brother used to live in a fixed up, abandoned warehouse in the middle just past the Canadian border. It was safe, recluse, SHIELD didn’t know about it as far as Clint was aware, and he was pretty certain of that. Despite being a little dusty, the place was pretty well kept. Loki seemed distasteful of it, but Clint figured he was probably just distasteful of everything. Since Loki didn’t complain though, he felt like he’d done at least an adequate job._

_The first two days they were there, Loki was not. It was Clint, Selvig, and another SHIELD agent they’d dragged along with them. They were left to clean up their new living space and begin setting up for the Project, which Loki had yet to divulge the details to. He, on the other hand, had immediately opened another portal and left, not even saying where he was going._

_Loki’s absence seemed to take it’s toll on everybody differently. The SHIELD agent they’d brought along mysteriously vanished, his clothes neatly folded in the kitchen the only trace of him he could find. Selvig began stripping the wallpaper from the walls and aligning it in a very specific order on the floor. Clint found himself him physical discomfort. He let himself lounge in bed and in the shower for far longer than he usually would, just because the idea of moving hurt his head._

_Around lunchtime on the second day, Loki finally came back, toting behind him a medium-sized group of people that Clint recognized instantly. He knew the symbols for every single organization against SHIELD, and most of their faces too. These were from a Romanian group run by a set of twin brother and sister. They weren’t high on SHIELD’s most wanted list, but he was sure SHIELD was high on theirs, so it wouldn’t have taken much for Loki to get them on their side._

_~_

_The third day was spent observing. Loki had gone out again, returning sooner than before with even more people. It wasn’t long before the Project was underway. Clint was very rarely given instructions other than to keep everyone in line, keep an eye on the Project, don’t let anyone make mistakes, etc. etc. So Clint stayed up in the rafters, watching everyone work. Loki never told him the details, but he knew what he needed to know. The sceptre connected them, linked their minds in a way. Clint knew what was expected of him._

_Despite everything seeming to be going swimmingly, Clint noticed Loki only seemed to be growing more and more irritable and frustrated. There was an incident earlier that day where he’d grown so frustrated with someone, that he skewered him and overturned the table he’d been working at before storming out angrily. Clint always figured it best to just stay out of his way, focus on the job at hand, when Loki grew frustrated like that. He couldn’t be useful to the God with a hole in his gut._

_By the end of the day, Clint had wound up taking over the operation. He knew what they were supposed to be doing, so he just took a more hands-on approach, descending from the rafters and actively questioning the workers about their progress, essentially mimicking what he’d seen Loki do before. Once everyone was winding down for the night, Clint disappeared to his own bedroom, surprised to find Loki already in there._

_“Sir?” Clint closed the door behind him quietly, taking a step in to face Loki. “Is there something wrong?”_

_“The… Project is taking to long… You all work too slowly.” Loki replied simply. His arms were folded over his chest, much of his armour discarded on the floor. His coat hung crumpled over the side of the bed as though he’d tossed it off in a fit. “It won’t be finished by my deadline.”_

_“Deadline?”_

_“Yes, the deadline Barton!” He snapped suddenly, his eyes meeting Clint’s. “I have a deadline to meet, and if I don’t meet it-...”_

_His eyes were wide, wild, his lips were red and glistening from being bitten raw, he inhaled sharply every so often. He looked overall panicked._

_“We could bring in more people to work at night, when the rest of us are sleeping.” Clint offered, taking a hesitant step towards his boss._

_“No, there’s no one left to help. I’ve tried- there’s…” His eyes closed, his face screwed slightly in a frustrated expression. For a second, Clint worried Loki would take it out on him._

_But he didn’t. His features relaxed again, his eyes opening to stare at the ground. He looked at a loss for what to do, as if he was no longer trying to find ways to meet the deadline, but rather mentally preparing himself for the consequences to come._

_Clint took another step forward, cocking his head slightly. It was odd to see Loki in such a fearful panic, seeing as, up until this point, he’d been the epitome of confidence and determination. All of those traits were gone now, no trace of confidence, just a look of panicked defeat._

_“Sir?”_

_Loki’s eyes snapped up, meeting with Clint’s for the first time since the archer had entered the room. Clint’s heart lurched painfully, his head unable to sift through the wave of new emotions Loki had sent rushing into him._

_“Are you afraid of me Agent Barton?” Loki asked._

_Clint was silent. Loki stepped closer to him, only about a foot and a half of space between them now._

_“Are you afraid of me?” He repeated, his face giving Clint no clue as to what answer would be correct._

_“Yes.” He finally said, a very simple answer._

_“Would you still be afraid of me if I removed the spell that binds you to me?”_

_“...No.”_

_Loki cocked his head to the side, emotionless eyes watching Clint carefully. “Why’s that?”_

_Clint met his gaze boldly, “Because then I’d be able to fight back.”_

_“And you would win?”_

_“...Yes.”_

_“How do you know?”_

_“You’re threatening my home. I would be obligated to stop you.”_

_Loki paused for a moment, seeming to mull over the sentiment in his mind. “What if I was too strong to be stopped?”_

_“I’m not the only one that would try.” Clint replied, now wondering if it was really he and his captor that they were talking about, or if another scenario had been brought to the table._

_“Would you not be afraid of being killed in your attempt?”_

_Clint reached out a hand slowly, placing it on Loki’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure what exactly it was he was attempting to comfort Loki for, but it seemed important. Whatever was nagging at Loki was severely wearing at him, and with the spell, Clint’s number one objective was to protect Loki at all costs, even if a conscious part of him knew what bullshit that was._

_“I guess I just don’t care about my life much more than it’s usefulness. My purpose in life is to keep people safe, if I couldn’t do that, what would my purpose then be? If I died saving people, then that would be the end of my journey I guess.” Clint tried to offer a reassuring smile, but it didn’t seem to fit._

_Loki seemed satisfied in his own way, for whatever Clint said that seemed to give him his answer. He shrugged Clint’s hand off his shoulder and took a few steps back, letting out a sigh, leaning back against the table. He worried his lower lip again, eyes finding their place back on the floor._

_“What’s unsettling you so much?” Clint asked, furrowing his brows at the other man._

_Loki shook his head slowly. “It’s none of your business.”_

_“Does it matter if I know? You’re just going to kill me after all this. It’d probably help to have someone to talk to.” Clint shrugged._

_“I don’t need to talk to anyone.” Loki hissed. “There’s nothing wrong with me, I don’t need to seek the counsel of a mortal.”_

_He spat the word out like poison, but his face gave way to a different emotion. Clint had always been expert on picking up on things like that, tiny twitches of the face and inflections of the voice. Natasha and Fury were the only people Clint had encountered that had been able to perfect not showing even a hint of true emotion. Loki was good, but he was weak. He lacked the energy to conceal his emotion like Clint was sure he could otherwise._

_“A mortal? Because we’re weak right? You see us beneath you.” All he had to do was play his cards right, say the right thing, and Loki would spill his secrets. He was so close to breaking as it was._

_“Of course.” He spat. “What are you compared to the Aesir? But goats at a banquet table. Your lives are fleeting, worthless…”_

_“We’re weaker because we don’t live as long?”_

_Loki was silent, lips pursed tightly. His mind was far off, focused on the thing Clint was trying to prod from him. It was on the tip of his tongue, all Clint had to do was get him to open his mouth and let it out._

_“This isn’t the first time you’ve been around humans, isn’t it?” Clint stepped closer, standing in front of Loki, looking up at his face._

_“...No. It’s not.” Loki replied finally, still refusing to meet Clint’s gaze._

_“When was the last time you were here?”_

_“Nearly four hundred years ago.” Loki replied, bringing his hand to his face, gnawing at his thumbnail. “I visited Italy… I lived there for a number of years.”_

_Clint stepped next to him and sat atop the table, watching Loki now. He seemed relaxed compared to when they were talking before, but was still immensely uneasy by the topic._

_“Go on.”_

_Loki snorted, straightening up now. “What’s there to go on about? I lived in the forest just outside of Florence, Italy, then I went back to Asgard.”_

_“Why? What happened to make you want to leave?”_

_Loki’s eyes darkened, slowly raising to meet Clint’s. “You’re rather nosy aren’t you dear Barton? What makes you so sure anything happened? What makes you think I didn’t simply grow bored and homesick?”_

_“You knew someone important, I can see it in the way you look when you talk about humans. You’re trying so hard to think lowly of them... like you’re trying not to like us for some reason.” Clint’s voice was calm and even as he spoke._

_“I knew no one!” Loki snapped, rounding on Clint. “You, your whole people, are a filthy bunch of worthless insects, not even worthy of wriggling through the mud around my boots!”_

_Clint clenched his jaw, feeling a dull ache rake through his body. He knew he’d done wrong against Loki, the magic coursing through his veins made that very clear. Loki’s anger manifested in bolts of electricity in Clint’s brain, making him see white._

_“You all war with each other, you murder each other, in this mad scramble for power, to subjugate each other. I’ve seen the way you treat your people, murdering and raping and all other sorts of atrocities. What right have you earned to rule yourselves? You’ve proved for a thousand years you’re not capable of ruling.” Loki was close to Clint, his hands leaning on either side of Clint against the table, his head leant in close._

_“What happened when you were here to make you say that? What have you seen?” Clint asked, hesitantly bringing a hand up between them, cupping Loki’s cheek. His thumb caressed the man’s skin, wiping away the tears that had only just barely begun to leak across Loki’s face._

_Loki’s lips parted slightly, his breath staggered, his body shaking. His lips closed again before peeling back into a grin, letting out a single laugh. Then his face fell and his bottom lip twitched, just barely, but Clint caught it._

_“Fiore…” His head fell, eyes lowering to Clint’s chest now. “I met a man named Fiore… we lived together for nearly seven years…. Then word got out around the rest of the town and they arrested him…”_

_Clint was shaking from the overwhelming emotion being transferred to him from Loki. He felt sick to his stomach, feeling the sadness and regret surging from Loki into himself._

_“What’d they do?” Clint asked quietly, urging the man on._

_“They burned him.”  
_

 

“Agent Barton?”

Clint’s eyes snapped open, quickly catching Doctor Westwood’s gaze. His cheeks felt hot and wet and he was breathing heavily. Quickly, he sat up and wiped his face dry, taking a few deep breathes, composing himself.

“Would you like to stop for today?” The doctor asked, looking vaguely concerned.

Clint inhaled again and nodded his head. “Yeah… Yeah I think- That’s fine.”

Doctor Westwood affirmed their appointment for the same time the next day, shook Clint’s hand, and bid him good day. When Clint exited the office, Loki was waiting outside. He looked up and the two men met gazes. Now, Loki looked tired, empty, still openly defiant, but just like before he could see what lay beneath. He couldn’t help but compare it to the way he’d just seen.

Loki was so full of emotion back then, in that room alone with Clint. He was terrified and panicked and angry and so full of sadness. All he knew now was that Loki had someone close to him taken away, but that still didn’t account for the way he was now. Clint had had people close to him taken away too, there had to be more to Loki. Or maybe that was just the way the God was. Maybe there was no tragic backstory to explain his actions.

All the way back to the tower, Clint replayed what he’d remembered in his head. Every mannerism, every word Loki uttered, everything played back in his head clearly. He supposed he was looking for something that implied Loki was manipulating Clint, but he couldn’t think of anything, nor even a reason Loki would have to manipulate him since he was already under his control. In the end, Clint just let the whole thing go, crawling into bed and taking a nap as soon as he was back in his own room. He’d think on it more tomorrow when he went back to see Doctor Westwood again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/


	16. Knowhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki continues to recall his time under Thanos' thumb while dealing with the rising tensions between he and the other Avengers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

His previous session with Doctor Westwood had been near impossible. It was unlike Loki to open up about anything to anyone, let alone something as intimate and fragile as what Thanos had done to him and especially to someone he thought so lowly of like a Midgardian ‘therapist’. Afterwards, he’d excused himself to his bedroom where he’d barricaded himself for the rest of the night and well into the next day.

Thor and Bruce had attempted to coax him out of his room for dinner, and then again for breakfast, but to no avail. He shook horrible and all colour had been drained from his skin. In all honesty, he’d not recalled the incident with Thanos since he’d been arrested and taken back to Asgard, suppressing the event as best he could. Now, he was forced to face it.

All he could be thankful for was the Bruce did not press the matter of socialization in the car on the way to the next session. He wished to avoid talking for as long as he could. He just felt so tired and empty, he wished he could avoid the session altogether, but Clint exited from his soon enough, and then it was his turn.

But then Clint was staring at him funny. There was no way Loki could tell what Clint was working on in his own therapy session, but whatever it was, he was sure now that it involved him. Clint was looking at him like he’d learned some filthy secret about him-  
 __  
Oh, I see… You’re working on regaining your memories… How quaint.  
  
That terrified him more than his session now. If Clint was regaining his memories, that meant he was recalling every horrible secret Loki had told him while they were together, every moment they shared, every little weakness Loki had indulged in in front of Clint. His stomach tied into knots.

“Loki?”

Loki looked up. He’d been lost in his own thought while entering the room and habitually sitting across from the doctor. He watched the man for a moment, deciding what he wanted to do. Originally, he’d wanted to stall talking about his time with the Chitauri, but now he was so preoccupied by what he’d just realized about Clint.

“It’s… come to my attention that you are working with Clint Barton to help him reclaim his memories…” Loki began nonchalantly.

“Well, I can’t really discuss other patients with you-”

“Seeing as…” Loki interrupted, giving Carver a sly smile. “...his memories include me, I’m sure you can see how this might be… distressing for me.”

“Are you asking me to stop my work with him?” He asked, arching an eyebrow.

“No… I don’t suspect you would, but since I also can not kill you without being locked back downstairs, this leaves me at quite the impasse, doesn’t it?”

Westwood was silent for a moment, tapping his pencil against his notepad. “What exactly about this work distresses you, Loki?”

“I’m sure by now you’ve realized I’ve imparted… certain secrets to him, about myself. I don’t particularly care for people to knows things about me of that nature.” Loki replied simply.

“Why’s that?”

“It’s no one’s business but my own. I told Clint those things with the assumption that he would never be given the chance to remember them.”

“Do you fear he might use them against you?” Carver looked only sympathetic. Loki was unsure if he felt comforted in angered by the expression.

“Or do you fear what he might think of you because of it?”

Loki’s attention snapped back again. What Clint would think of him because of it? “Are you implying I am concerned with the way Clint views me?”

“Not implying, asking.”

Loki fell silent. He’d never thought much about that idea before, though he felt it at least had a little bit of truth behind it. Why though? He bit his lower lip, tapping his fingertips together. Any ideas that came to mind disgusted him, so he simply pushed them away.

“I don’t believe I’d like to talk about this anymore.” Loki said, folding his arms across his chest and glaring at Carver.

“Alright, what would you like to talk about instead? Would you like to pick up from yesterday?”

Loki was silent, but slowly nodded his head.

“Alright then… According to my notes, you’d just been left alone with some blue, glowing gem.”

“I remember…” Loki replied, now wondering if this was actually a better topic than the previous one.  
 __  
It was impossible to tell how long they left Loki there. When he gazed into the gem, his mind seemed to fill with all sorts of distractions. Sometimes his mind seemed blank, sometimes his head was full of whispers. Sometimes he saw himself on the throne of Asgard, sometimes he saw himself dead, cast out to rot on some desolate planet. Very often, he heard the words of lost loved ones encouraging him to help Thanos.

_“Loki…” He knew that voice too well. “Why are you resisting?”_

_“He...wants my help...wants me to... betray Asgard.” Every word breathed out was barely a raspy whisper._

_“What has Asgard ever done for you?”_

_His gaze rose at the feel of something against his cheek. The owner of the voice, a young woman with long golden blonde hair stood beside him._

_“Why shouldn’t you work with Thanos? He can help you seek your revenge against Odin, against Thor.”_

_“But-... Frigga, I can’t…” Tears brimmed at his eyes, his breathing staggering._

_“You have the power to keep her safe, you can prove to her your worth.”_

_Loki chuckled. “What worth have I to prove to her?”_

_Her hand cracked against his cheek. “Since when are you one to speak so lowly of yourself, Loki? You were born to be a king, or have you so easily forgotten?”_

_“And what a king I am, Sigyn, strapped to this chair, helpless to their cruelty!” He snapped back, succumbing to a coughing fit._

_Sigyn lowered herself, cupping Loki’s cheeks and staring up at him lovingly. “Oh Loki… you’re not helpless. They’re offering you so much, all you have to do is accept their help and you’ll have everything you’ve ever wanted.”_

_Loki choked, shaking his head. “No… not if it means leading them to Asgard.”_

_“There are other places. Odin keeps relics on other realms. Where else Loki? You know this, where can you lead them?”_

_Loki was silent for a moment, gazing into Sigyn’s eyes weakly. “...Midgard… Odin hid an Infinity Gem on Midgard.”_

_“Which one?” Sigyn faded and was replaced by the curious, black eyes of Nebula. “Which Gem is on Earth?”_

_He met her gaze for a moment, unable to process where Sigyn had vanished to, where Nebula had come from. She was patient though. She watched him and his brained whirred painfully._

_“What?”_

_“Which. Infinity Gem. Is on. Earth.” Nebula repeated again, her voice low and coarse, accompanied with an accent Loki couldn’t quite place._

_“Infinity… The Tesseract. Odin hid the Tesseract on Midgard… It was lost though, 70 years ago. Some tyrant of the Realm found it, tried to use it… It was lost in the seas.” Loki replied._

_“We will find it. You will retrieve it.”_

_“I…” Loki’s brow furrowed, his thoughts seeming to come back to him. His gaze moved to look at the room around him. “No…”_

_Nebula cocked her head to the side, giving him her attention for only a second longer before abruptly standing and striding quickly out of the room. Her presence was replaced by another Chitauri, Loki was unsure if it was the same one, couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter though, he treated Loki the same. He cranked the controls up and Loki was filled with a painful surge of electricity, stronger than before._

_The once silent room was once again filled with Loki’s screams of agony. His nails dug into the arms of the chair he was strapped to. The needles tugged painfully at his skin, again reopening the puncture wounds around the metal, blood beading up against his skin. Then, the machine was turned off and there were hands all around him._

_The metal sheet was moved from in front of his chest, the needles were removed one by one, the straps were released from around his arms and legs. Then, he was being pulled from the chair and lifted onto a gurney, rushed from the room in a laying, half-conscious position. His mind was garbled, barely able to make a coherent thought, still surging with the energy from before. All he knew was the lights that kept appearing and disappearing above him, the faces he could sometimes see out of the corner of his eyes._  
  
“Loki?”

“...I don’t remember much after that.” Loki replied. “There’s a large gap in my memory. All I remember next is waking up in another room, like the one before. Still in a laying position, but I’m hooked up to all these wires and tubes. Like when I was in the healing room after a hunting accident with Thor and Hogun…”

The doctor nodded and jotted something down. 

“I came in and out of consciousness countless times… One time, I’d woken up and… they were operating on me. I don’t know what they were doing, maybe just to inflict pain…”

Westwood shifted in his seat and closed his notebook. “I’m afraid we’re out of time now. I’d like you to reflect, try to remember what happened during that time and we’ll continue tomorrow.”

Loki nodded and stood, not even waiting for Westwood to go through the routine of confirming the appointment for tomorrow. Bruce was waiting for him outside as he always was, and together, they made their way out of the building, back to the car, and drove back to the tower in silence.

On the way up to Loki’s room (Bruce had gotten off several floors earlier), Thor joined him on the elevator. The stood in silence for a moment before Thor reached over and hit the emergency stop button. Loki’s muscles tensed instantly, looking up at Thor with an indignant look of questioning. 

“Loki… I…” Thor looked at Loki, clearly uncertain of what exactly he wanted to say. “I know you’ve been seeing a doctor everyday…”

“What of it?” Loki snarled, folding his arms across his chest. “Are you going to gloat now? You must be so pleased to know how low I’ve finally sunk-”

“For the love of the Norns, would you shut up for once?” Thor snapped, rounding on Loki. “What do I have to do to get you to understand that I’m not out to get you Loki? You’re my brother, why are you so determined to believe that I hate you?”

“You brought me here!” He was all but shouting. “Everything you have ever done has only brought me misfortune, why should I have a reason to believe otherwise?!”

“Who’s fault is that?!” Thor demanded, his voice pained. “You’ve brought this on yourself Loki, and for any other time I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Loki remained silent. Who’s fault was it? It was Odin’s, Thor’s, Thanos’, and every other damned creature that did Thanos’ bidding. How was _any_ of this Loki’s fault? But he couldn’t say that to Thor. He would never let anyone know about what Thanos did to him. He wasn’t even sure why he told the Doctor, but Thor was right out of the question.

So he let Thor believe what he believed. “So be your ignorance ‘Brother’.”

Thor shook his head in defeat and let the elevator jump back into motion. Once Loki was back in his room, he broke down. He screamed in anger and let himself lash out, knocking over furniture, ripping his books off the shelves, tossing everything from their original homes and onto the floor. Tears broke out across his tears and he fell to his knees on the floor, leaning back against the foot of his bed. He felt so utterly helpless. Clint was regaining his memories, and for some inane reason he continued to spill his secrets to Doctor Westwood. He felt like it was only a matter of time before the entire tower knew his life story.

He had barely calmed himself when he heard a knock at the door. His attention shot up, anger surging through him. He stood and wrenched the door open, surprised when he saw Clint standing at the door. He looked tired, his hair was in a disarray, as though he’d just woken up.

“What do you want?” Loki hissed, unable to find the patience for whatever Clint was going to gripe at him about.

“I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but my room is right below yours, I can hear everything you do up here.”

“Oh get over it Barton.” Loki snarled irritably, attempting to close the door on Clint.

Clint put his hand up and caught the door. “I’m just letting you know, Tony didn’t exactly make this place soundproof. Whoever’s above you can hear it too, so if I were you, I’d make sure it’s not someone I don’t want knowing about my nightly screaming sessions.”

With that, Clint left, leaving Loki speechless. It’d never occurred to him that people around him could hear what he was doing in his room, all of the rooms on Asgard were soundproof for the most part. Panicked, he rushed over to his desk, throwing things behind him in a mad hunt for the paper he’d been given the first day he’d arrived, the one that detailed what was on each floor of the tower.

70th Floor, Loki, below him was Clint, above him was… Thor. Of course. Who the bloody else would it be? His heart dropped. He crumpled the paper and threw it into the corner of the room. It seemed like every time he felt like he couldn’t sink any lower, something presented itself to make him feel even worse. There was nothing he could do at this point but lay down, wrap himself up in the blankets, and refuse to exit his room ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/


	17. Anomaly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor goes to London with Jane and Darcy to meet with Erik Selvig.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can not believe how long it took me to finish this stupid chapter.
> 
> \------------
> 
> Follow me on tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

Living directly above Loki, Thor of course knew about his brother’s night terrors, and of the frequent mental breakdowns he had, frequently after returning from his therapy sessions, which he also knew about, despite Loki’s best efforts to keep the others from knowing. Thor wasn’t stupid, he knew how damaged his brother was, but there was nothing to be done about it. Thor couldn’t change his brother, he couldn’t help him. 

Thor had tried dozens of times to reconcile with the trickster, to try to communicate with him, anything, but if Loki didn’t want to interact with someone, it was impossible to do otherwise. Thor tried not to waste his time too often. In fact, he was rarely at the tower anyways. Since he was on Midgard, he spent an overwhelming amount of time with Jane, or with Jane’s mother, helping out around the house when the scientist had gone off on some expedition.

Since his encounter with Loki in the elevator went about as expected, Thor couldn’t bring himself to stay much longer. Nothing hurt his heart more than hearing Loki scream in anguish beneath his floorboards, he just needed to get out of the tower for a while, take a vacation. He knew Jane and Darcy were packing up to go out to London for some trip to meet with Selvig, so he figured they wouldn’t object to him tagging along. A short phone call confirmed his assumption.

“Ay Thunderbird, what’s with the clothes storm in here?” Tony leaned on the doorframe, one hand on his hip, the other hanging loosely at his side, fist clenched around a cell phone. Nearly every inch of exposed skin was covered in grease, though Thor swore one patch looked like blood.

“I will be departing soon to accompany Jane and Darcy to London. We’re visiting Erik Selvig.” Thor replied simply, still tossing clothes from his dresser onto his bed, resting where they land, awaiting Thor shoving them into a suitcase.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with Loki, does it?” Tony asked, arching an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?” Thor stopped rummaging and stood up straighter, meeting Tony’s gaze.

“I’ve got cameras and mics all over the tower, including in Loki’s room- well, especially in Loki’s room. I’m guessing it’s just getting tough for you? I didn’t exactly make these rooms as soundproof as I should have.”

Thor nodded slowly. “I was not aware anyone else knew… I’ve tried to help him, but he will have nothing to do with me. It’s very disheartening.”

Tony nodded back and pushed off from the door. “Well, we’ll all keep an eye on him for you while you’re gone, as usual. Maybe someone can talk Natasha into watching another movie with him. She seemed really perturbed after the last time.”

“Yes, I noticed. Did she ever say what happened?”

Tony shrugged. “Clint said Loki just had a freak out and Nat didn’t really know how to handle.”

Thor continued nodding haphazardly, watching the floor, lost in thought. Nothing seemed to make sense to him. He’d wracked his memory over and over again, searching for a cause for Loki’s night terrors, but he could think of nothing except that perhaps something had happened to him after he fell off the Bifrost. He shook his head slowly, squeezing his eyes shut before meeting Tony’s gaze again.

“I won’t be gone long.” He said finally, offering the other a smile. “Just keep him out of trouble, will you?”

“Yeah, I gotcha big guy. Take it easy.”

With that, Tony tipped his head at Thor and left the room. Thor could hear his footsteps fading down the hall, then the whirring of the elevator. He finished throwing his clothes to the bed, then finally retrieved a suitcase and began filling it with the pile. An hour later, he met with Bruce, who admittedly had become a bit of a chauffeur for the Avengers lately (he says driving helps him relax).

~~~

Thor had never been on a plane before. After the take-off, he decided it was very much like riding a car and quickly grew bored. He’d flown himself, the view was nothing new, so instead of staring out the window or something like that, he chatted with Jane for a few minutes before falling asleep. When he woke, they were landing in London, Jane shaking his arm to get his attention.

“Selvig is gonna meet us by luggage pickup, then drive us back to his apartment.” Jane explained as the plane came to a stop.

“Do I have to be present for you guys’ astrosciencey stuff, or can I leave?” Darcy asked, unbuckling her seatbelt and stretching.

“Are you in such a hurry to leave us?” Thor followed her lead, standing as soon as he saw other people standing.

“I’ve got a hot date. I guuueeess I could be late, but in most countries, it’s considered rude.”

“Okay, okay Darcy, no you’re not required to be present, you can go.” Jane replied, sounding a little exasperated.

“Yesssss thank you!”

Off the plane and shuffling through the terminal, Thor spotted Selvig before they barely reached luggage pickup. The man was dressed in grey swearpants, a purple shirt that was far too short, and a blue-grey bathrobe as a jacket. His shoes mismatched and his hair stuck up in a hundred awkward directions. Thor frowned at the sight of the man.

“Thor! Jane told me you were coming with her, I’m glad. How was your flight?” He asked, pulling the God into an uncomfortable, prolonged hug.

“Good, good, thank you.” Thor replied, smiling nonetheless. He patted Selvig’s back a few times before peeling away from him.

“Gooood… Well, let’s not delay. Time for socializing in the car. We’ve got a half hour drive, we can catch up then.” Selvig smiled and picked up one of their bags, which Jane had pulled off the conveyor belt and line up beside them.

As promised, they fell into conversation as soon as they were in the car. Jane drove, Darcy in the passenger seat, that left Selvig to sit uncomfortably close to Thor while they talked. Selvig listened politely as Thor talked calmly about his flight, and then about the casual affairs of Asgard, explaining why he wasn’t able to come back until now. Which of course brought up the topic that had been setting Erik’s brain ablaze for months.

“So then… your brother… Loki is here? On Earth?” Selvig asked quietly, watching Thor through squinted eyes.

“Yes… I understand if this is a source of stress for you, but I assure you, he is in no state to wreak any sort of mischief, for you or for anyone else.” Thor replied, his face and tone sincere.

“No, no I understand. Won’t be a problem.” Erik replied, nodding and leaned back. His gaze turned to stare out the window.

“So, uh, Erik, why don’t- Why don’t you tell me about this anomaly you’ve been observing?” Jane called from the front seat, trying to change the subject.

“I’m sure Thor will be able to give more insight when he sees it for himself. It seems to be a spacial anomaly, the realms coming together… could be dangerous, the last time it happened, there weren’t a whole lot of humans around to feel the effects of it. But now, it could kill millions.”

Thor cocked his head to the side, “That doesn’t sound right.. I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

“Well, I’ll let you see my work- turn left here, it’s the third building down- and you can decide for yourself. You can even take it back to Asgard if you want, ask your father or something.” Selvig replied, watching the direction Jane was taking them.

As disheveled as Selvig looked, his apartment was worse. Nothing seemed to be in it’s proper place, and over everything were wires and screens and remotes and papers scribbled with numbers and maps and-

“Don’t mind the mess, just make yourself comfortable. I’ll put some tea on.” Selvig peeled his robe off, dropping it on the floor beside him, and made his way to the kitchen.

“Is this what you’ve been working on?” Darcy asked, picking up one of the screens. “Looks like a lot of nonsense.”

“I hate to agree with Darcy but, this… doesn’t make a lot of sense to me either.” Jane said, looking over Darcy’s shoulder.

Selvig poked his head out of the kitchen. “That one’s old, look at those papers over there, I summed everything up for you.”

“Is this supposed to be flashing?” Thor asked from where he stood, opposite of the other three, staring down at whatever had been pulled up on Erik’s computer.

“Flashing?” Erik and Jane said in unison. Jane quickly stepped over a pile of clothes to stand beside Thor. “This is…. I haven’t seen readings like this since I was first studying your arrival, Thor, and this isn’t far from here.”

Selvig walked over to meet them, two mugs in hand, pants having been forgotten in the kitchen without a word, and stood behind them. The three of them stared at the screen for a while longer before Thor and Jane slowly turned their attention to Selvig.

“Uhm… Erik. Where are your pants?”

~~~

An hour later, Jane, Thor, Selvig, Darcy, and now Darcy’s intern who no one could remember the name of or even figure out why he was there, were piled back into Selvig’s car. Jane and Erik were talking excitedly, the other three were packed awkwardly into the back seat. It didn’t take long to reach the sight of the anomaly- an old abandoned-looking warehouse.

Selvig stayed in the car, Jane, Darcy, and Ian went inside, and Thor wandered around outside. He could feel something in the air, a sort of electric tension. The sky was dark, threatening to rain down on him. Despite the ominous feel, nothing seemed out of place. Everything seemed normal.

After walking around for about ten minutes, Thor went back to the car, leaning on the door and talking to Erik through the open passenger side window.

“Tell me again what your anomaly is supposed to do.” Thor said, bent over to look through the window.

“Essentially, the realms are supposed to come together, causing thousands of spacial anomalies on each of these planets. It’ll be impossible to predict where things come and go. One moment you could be having lunch with a business partner here in London, next moment you could find yourself in a lake on Asgard.” Selvig explained, talking slowly as though trying to make sense of information in his head that wasn’t his.

“Where did you learn about this?”

Selvig shrugged.

“I see…” The obvious explanation was that it was something Loki had known about and was somehow transferred to Selvig through their link. It would be worth contacting Loki and asking him about it, assuming he was even willing to talk to them.

“Thor!” He turned from the car to see Darcy, Ian, and three kids running towards them. Darcy looked panicked. “Thor, we can’t find Jane. She wandered off, I didn’t see where she went, but now we can’t find her.”

Panic rose in Thor’s throat. If anything Selvig said was true, and it probably was, there seemed a very good chance that Jane had been teleported some other realm. He’d be only too lucky to think she’d be teleported to Asgard.

The four of them searched for nearly an hour before Thor finally decided to call for Heimdall’s help. The Bifrost opened and the blond was being bolted back up to his home realm. That proved fruitless though. To both Thor and Heimdall’s surprise, even the gatekeeper could not see Jane, wherever she’d gone. Thor’s stomach tightened into knots, his brain raced at a thousand beats a second, trying to fathom what to do in such an event.

His first thought had been to travel back to Stark tower and demand Loki’s help, but in the end, he settled for talking to Odin. He’d be lying to himself if he thought even for a second that Odin knew the same tricks as Loki, but if this anomaly had happened before, Odin was sure to know about it.

“You’ve returned…” Odin stated dryly as soon as Thor entered the chamber, emotionless eyes glued to his son. “What troubles you?”

“Why do you think anything troubles me? Can I not simply return to pay my only father a visit?” Thor asked, offering a warm smile. Odin seemed unimpressed, so he went on. “Jane is missing… She was investigating some sort of anomaly, I was hoping you might know something of it.”

“I see…” After a moment of silence, Odin stood, taking a few wanderless steps towards Thor. “There seems to be a pattern.”

“What do you mean?” Thor furrowed his brow at his father, unable to decipher what the king meant.

“You and your… brother… both have this fascination with the mortals that I’ve never been able to understand.” Odin paused, eyeing Thor. “You both go seeking out in other realms rather than taking what’s right in front of you. I imagine this would not be an issue had you simply taken Sif as your wife as you should have…. I have no successor. One _son_ who wanted the throne too much, one who will not take it, neither willing to take sensical mates.”

“Father- I don’t understand what you mean, nor do I see how it’s of any concern right now.”

Odin sighed, shaking his head. “This anomaly, it occurs every ten thousand years. Even I have not witnessed it in person. However, Borr, my father before me, witnessed it during his rule. It is capable of great devastation, though Asgard has discovered ways to avoid it, to stabilize our position away from the realms. Your human was probably transported to another realm during one of these conjunctions.”

“I knew that already though, but Heimdall cannot see her.” Thor replied back, a hint of desperation in his voice.

“Then she is lost. If Heimdall cannot see her, than neither can I.” Odin’s words were simple, but final. Somehow Thor thought talking to Loki might be less frustrating at this point.

“Of course. I am sorry to bother you.” Thor nodded solemnly, turning to leave. 

Thor was barely out of the castle when he passed his mother, Frigga, guiding a number of castlemaids and servants carrying crates. He paused, waiting to catch her eye. It wasn’t until the servants had passed between the two of them that she finally looked up.

“Thor! You’re back, but for what reason?” She smiled warmly and pulled her son into a tight embrace.

“No matter, nothing to worry about, what is all this you’re busying yourself with?” Thor asked, indicating to the servants bustling about them.

“Loki’s belongings. Since he no longer uses this room, we’ve moved everything downstairs. If you’re going back soon, you should look through them and take something back for him.”

“Of course, hopefully that will lift his spirits.” Thor replied, letting his eyes graze over the tops of boxes as they pass by him.

“Is he so down lately?” Frigga asked, her face very clear for worry.

Thor was silent, chewing his inner cheek. He knew how bad it was getting, but he couldn’t bring himself to worry Frigga. So instead of admitting his fears about his brother, he simply said he was not pleased to be around the Avengers and left it at that. Frigga knew better, but left it at that.

“Listen, I am busy right now, but I’ll return for Loki’s things when I finish. I’ll see you more then.”

“Of course.” They embraced again and Thor left, finally making his way back down to the Bifrost.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Heimdall asked when Thor approached.

“Unfortunately not.” He replied solemnly. “I’m afraid I’ll have to find the solution on my own.”

“Then I send you off with as much luck as I can.” Heimdall said, lifting his sword up to the control.

He pushed down on his sword and the Bifrost jumped into life. The knot in Thor’s stomach hadn’t budged and the motion only made him feel sicker. He couldn’t help the dozens of horrible thoughts bombarding his mind, the ones that told him he would never see Jane again, that she was in danger wherever she was and that Thor would not be able to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/


	18. The Dark World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor rushes to save Jane after she is infected with the Aether.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My deepest apologies for taking SO long to get this one up. This section is nearing its end and will continue in the second part, I'll be taking a break between the two to clean up section one, but until I get up Chapters 19 and 20, I'll try to update faster.
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

_“Where the hell were you?!”  
“Tell me you didn’t call the police!”  
“Well what was I supposed to do?!”  
“Not call the police?”  
“I’ve been freaking out!”  
“You call the cops, they call the Feds. Next thing you know we have SHIELD crawling all over Area 51-ing the place!”  
“Jane!”  
“We had a stable gravitational anomaly! We had unimpeded access! Our only competition was 10 years old!”  
“Jane! You were gone for five hours!”  
“What?”_

Five hours? That was impossible. An hour? Maybe, but not five, there was no way she’d been gone that long. Right?

“Hey, Thor’s back.” Darcy’s words broke Jane from her stupor. Her body spun on one heel so she could look behind her.

“What do you mean back, where’d he go?” 

Darcy shrugged.

Jane jogged over to Thor, with her taking the one dry spot from the rain that had started not long after she got back. Darcy flinched when the water hit her skin, realizing what had happened.

“Typical.”

Thor took long strides to meet with Jane, immediately pulling her into an embrace when he reached her. Jane, despite her confusion and maybe even a little frustration, returned the hug.

“Thor- where did you-”

“Where were you?” Thor pulled back, his voice perhaps a little harsher than he meant it. “I returned to Asgard when you went missing, Heimdall could not see you.”

“I-I don’t- I don’t know.” Jane admitted, shrugging and shaking her head. What was she supposed to tell Thor? That she stepped through a door and suddenly found herself in a huge dark cave? That some red, fluid smoke-like substance attacked her? That she spent apparently five hours suspended in a stupor in that cave until she finally woke up in the warehouse again?

Thankfully, before she had to come up with a good answer, Darcy came running towards them, arms held above her head to shield from the rain. “Hey, uh, I’m pretty sure we’re being arrested.”

Jane opened her mouth to say something, casting her gaze between Darcy and Thor a couple of times before letting her eyes settle on the God. “Hold that thought.”

Making her way across the parking lot, she approached one of the nearer police officers. “Excuse me!”

“Are you Jane Foster?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know this man?” He asked, pointing to Darcy’s intern, who, by the way, Jane was still not sure why he was even here. Or why Darcy had an intern to begin with.

“He’s my intern… My… Intern’s intern.” She replied indignantly, folding her arms over her chest.

“This is private property, and you’re trespassing, the lot of you. You’ll have to come with me.” The officer reached out to take Jane’s arm, only to be greeted with a blast of red and black.

The blast sent everyone flying back away from Jane, who after the blast cleared, fell to the ground. Thor ran to her, quickly helping her to her feet. Jane was mumbling incoherently about being fine and not needing any help.

“Jane! Jane are you alright?”

“What happened?” She asked, once she was on her feet and oriented enough to speak clearly.

“Place your hands on your head, step back!” The police had taken up defensive positions, guns pointed at the small group.

“This woman is unwell.” Thor said sternly.

“She’s dangerous!”

“So am I.” Thor wrapped his arm around Jane’s waist, pulling her close against him.

Jane said something, but Thor’s attention was already focused towards the skies, calling for Heimdall for the second time that day. The Bifrost opened and snatched the two up, sending them hurtling across space. Darcy ran over as soon as the beam had cleared, standing on the smoking imprint on the ground, staring up at the sky.

“Holy shit!”

~ ~ ~

Maybe Loki was over reacting, maybe he was just exhausted in general, but either way, he’d not left his room in nearly a day and a half now. He missed the last therapy session with Doctor Westwood, refusing to even open the door when Bruce came to get him. In fact, he’d really barely moved. After his fit, he’d collapsed on the floor, sitting in the crook at the end of the bed beside the couch.

He wasn’t really feeling depressed so much now as he just felt angry and frustrated by everything now. Not only was he being forced to relive his experiences with Thanos every day, but now both Thor and Clint knew how far he’d dropped. What good was the front he put up if people knew how broken he was anyways?

Loki let out an irritated growl, kicking the overturned chair at his feet. He _wasn’t_ broken. There was _nothing_ wrong with him. Of course, no matter how many times he repeated that to himself, it was hard to believe it anymore. Luckily, a knock at the door broke him from his thoughts, no longer allowing him to dwell on the subject.

“Go away.” He snapped, though his voice lacked the usual gusto.

The door opened anyways. “Is that anyway to treat a friend, Loki?”

“Danni!” Loki straightened up a little, not even bothering to hide his surprise at seeing her.

“Hey there. I thought I told you to get out of your room more.” Danni slipped inside, closing the door behind her, and stepping over to sit in front of Loki.

“You did.” Loki replied simply.

“Then what’s up?”

“Why are you here?” Loki cocked his head to one side, staring at the woman blankly.

“I was in the neighborhood, decided to stop by and see how you were doing.”

“In the neighborhood? Did Fury send you to spy on me?” Loki hissed.

“If I were spying, would I have announced my presence? Doesn’t seem very sneaky.”

Loki huffed, rolling his eyes and leaning back again. Danni sighed, reaching out a hand to brush Loki’s hair out of his face. He pulled his head away from her, pointedly looking away from her.

“I like you better when you’re relaxed.” Danni said, sighing. “You should try it more often.”

“I hardly see myself relaxing here.” Loki responded irritably. 

“I know it’s tough, you just gotta give it a chance-”

“I don’t want to ‘give it a chance’, I want to leave. There’s no logical reason I should be here.” Loki’s voice was bordering on whiney. He cleared his throat, eyes still glued to the floor angrily.

“You’re a real baby, you know that?” When Loki didn’t reply, Danny sighed and slowly pulled herself to her feet. “I’m never going to be able to help you until you stop acting like a spoiled child and start accepting the help that’s offered to you. I really hope you realize that before it’s too late.”

“Did it ever occur to you that I don’t _want_ your help? I don’t _need_ help from _anyone._ “ Loki hissed, pulling himself to his feet as well.

Loki practically towered over her. Danni was barely 5’5”, while Loki stood at 6’2”. She had to crane her neck just to look him in the face. If there was one thing he liked about the humans was that most of them were tiny compared to him.

“You’re too stubborn for your own good.” Danni folded her arms over her chest defiantly, standing tall.

A small grin cracked over his dry lips, the man taking a small step towards her, only inches between them now. Danni opened her mouth to say something, but just shut it, giving Loki an angry look before turning to leave, letting out a frustrated sigh. It quickly turned to a quiet gasp when Loki grabbed her arm and pulled her back. He shoved her against the wall, using his own body to hold her in place. 

“I’m not in the mood for your bullshit Loki, let me go.” Danni growled, trying to shove her way past him.

“You mistake me for someone who cares.” Loki retorted, grabbing her wrists and pinning them above her head.

Even with her training and Loki’s weakened strength from months of lounging in bed, he was significantly larger than her and had made sure to stand over her in such a way that she was nearly incapacitated against him. 

Danni froze when she felt Loki’s other hand wandering over her torso. “Loki, I swear to God, if you don’t let go of me right now-”

“Let me guess, beat me to a bloody pulp? Forgive me if I don’t tremble in my boots.” Loki snarled quietly, his breath hot on her neck.

He let her go suddenly, grabbing the front of her shirt and practically throwing her against the bed, sparing no time in crawling on top of her. She took the small window to regain her bearings, throwing her closed fist at Loki’s face, connecting with his jaw and sending him reeling back. 

Danni leapt to her feet, though Loki was just a little faster. His hands wrapped around her throat, shoving her back to the bed, tightening. She choked, struggling frantically. With his focus on squeezing the woman’s throat, he didn’t even notice she’d pulled one of her hands free from beneath his knee until she was already raking her fingers down his face. 

The God pulled back, wiping away the blood that was pooling over his left eye. Danni jumped forward, shoving him back and connecting her fist with his face over and over. Loki barely seemed phased anymore, a deranged smile on his lips, a low laugh emitting from his throat. After four or five punches, Danni finally straightened up, glaring at him, chest heaving breathlessly.

She looked like she might say something, but ultimately just left the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

~~~

Compared to the state Asgard was in, the damage Loki had caused on Earth was nothing. Not long after Thor brought Jane back to investigate her illness, the Dark Elves launched an attack against the Aesir. The AllFather handled the course of events, well, incredibly poorly. Thor had never seen him in such a state of disarray.

After Malekith and his army retreated, Odin had Jane imprisoned and Heimdall was ordered not to allow anyone threw the Bifrost. Thor and his friends were at a complete loss for what to do. The Dark Elves were sure to be back, there was no doubt about it, and when they came, everyone at Asgard would be in the line of danger for no reason other than Odin’s own grief and stubbornness. 

In the debris of the battle, Thor assembled his friends in a small tavern in town. All of them wore downtrodden, exhausted faces, none seeming very optimistic.

“We must move Jane off-world.” Thor began. Despite his words, no one had removed their gaze from their cups.

“The Bifrost has been shut down and the Tesseract locked away in the vault.” Sif remarked, sipping at her drink.

“There are other paths off Asgard. Ways only known to few.” Heimdall replied simply.

“One, actually.” This time, the others looked up at Thor.

“Loki, you mean?” Volstagg asked questioningly.

“Yes.”

“What good does that do us? He is on Midgard, there is no way to reach him.” Fandral chuffed sarcastically.

“No, but his things remain on Asgard. He kept extensive journals, he practically owned his own library within his bedchamber. Perhaps there will be something there that will help us.” Thor replied.

“You suggest we snoop through your brother’s belongings?” Sif asked, seeming uncertain of this half-baked plan.

“Do you have an alternative idea?”

With no one speaking up, the plan remained. They broke from the table, Thor sending Fandral and Sif down to storage to dig through what Frigga had already moved before her death. Heimdall returned to his post, and Thor and Volstagg went to Loki’s room.

“Do you really believe Loki would have written down the paths he used for his trickery?” Sif asked as she and Fandral descended downstairs.

“Impossible to say. Loki has always been unpredictable.” Fandral replied. “That man is an enigma shrouded in mystery, Sigyn may have been the only one who ever actually knew him.”

“I can’t imagine what she ever saw in him.” Sif regarded, a slight sound of disgust coating her words.

Fandral shrugged simply. Sif noticed his averted gaze, but said nothing. The others may not have noticed it, but Sif was aware that Fandral had always been closer to Loki than the others, in some unknown way. The rest of their journey was spent in silence.

 

“What exactly do you expect to find in here?” Volstagg asked as he and Thor neared Loki’s door.

“I’m not sure. A map, perhaps something as small as a reference in one of his journals. I don’t know how he ever learned about these pathways, considering not even Odin seems to know about them.” Thor replied, pushing the heavy, wooden door back.

Inside, the room was dark, dusty, other than Frigga’s coming-and-goings, untouched for years. A flick of a switch illuminated the extensive quarters. The first room was a simple loungeroom, decorated with rugs, tapestries, furniture, a grand fireplace, and every wall was hidden behind bookcases that scaled from the floor all the way to the ceiling. 

“Where do we start?” Volstagg asked, his eyes scanning over each bookshelf.

“Why don’t you start looking through the books in here, I believe Loki kept his journals somewhere in his bedroom.” Thor replied.

Their work was certainly laid out for them. As well as the bookcases in the first room, the bedroom was also decorated in books, scattered everywhere. Thor guessed Loki didn’t really have time to straighten up before he left, or rather… fell out of Asgard. As it was, there were books simply everywhere. Several doors opened up into closets, their shelves covered in bottles and boxes and a hundred other things Thor couldn’t recognize.

As if their search wasn’t hard enough, nearly every room was boobytrapped. Most were harmless tricks that Thor assumed were in place to keep nosy chamberboys from snooping through his things. Some tricks he knew at once were left over from when Angrboda shared his quarters. Dodging the traps were more frustrating than anything.

 

“It seems Frigga had only started her work when she was… interrupted.” Sif said quietly, sifting through one of the boxes. “This one seems to only be full of old history books. Loki was a bit of a packrat, these look like old lesson books from when he was a child.”

“I think Loki was more sentimental than he liked to admit.” Fandral replied, holding up an old drawing he found. “Thor’s handiwork, is it not?”

Sif snickered. “Indeed. I’m beginning to think nothing down here will help us, Frigga barely scratched the surface here. All of these boxes are full of things nearly a thousand years old.”

“Which would mean these journals are nearly as old?” Fandral held up a few ratty, worn journals, flashing Sif a smile.

__

_In my lessons, The AllFather has instructed my studies on each of the nine realms in great detail, and while its all immensely fascinating, he seems to pointedly skip over Midgard with only bare details. Anything he’s taught covering the mortal realm seems to only be encompassed whereas it comes into contact with Asgard. Obviously I can’t help to wonder why my father would skip over a single realm, but of course it only peaks my interest in the realm itself._

_Inter-realm travel is absolutely forbidden to Thor and I due to our age, however in my personal studies, I’ve discovered a way to travel between worlds without the use of the Bifrost. Unfortunately, so far, I’ve only discovered a way to Vanaheim. I’m certain there are ways to get to the other realms, but my search so far has been absolutely futile._

__

“I’m surprised at how close that entry is to what we need.” Sif said, arching an eyebrow at the words scrawled over the papers.

“Too bad he didn’t source his work.” Fandral laughed. “However, the journals are ordered by when he wrote them, so its bound to be somewhere in here.”

 

“Have you found anything of any use?” Volstagg asked when Thor came out of Loki’s bedroom.

“Unfortunately not.” Thor remarked. “All I’ve managed to uncover is a series of traps meant to keep people like us from digging through his things.”

“It appears we’ve had similar luck.” Volstagg replied, disheartened. “These are mostly history books as it is, though, I’m surprised that…”

Thor arched an eyebrow. Volstagg pointed to the bookshelf he stood in front of.

“The entire bottom half of this bookshelf is completely dedicated to Midgard. Its true, Loki has an unnecessary number of books for each subject, but he seemed to have a great interest in Midgard. Have you ever noticed that?”

“I did, while going through his room. He had a great number of Midgardian relics in the back of one of his closets, though I never noticed the interest growing up. He must have kept it secret, as he did with most of his life.” Thor sighed heavily. “I can’t believe I ever considered us close, I hardly knew a thing about him.”

Volstagg clasped a hand over Thor’s shoulder reassuringly. “You can not blame yourself Thor. Your brother was a very secretive man, you wouldn’t have known anything about him that he did not wish you to know.”

Thor shrugged. “No matter now. Perhaps the others have had more luck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/


	19. Facade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint fills the final gap in his memory, which only seems to present more questions than answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to get both this and Chapter 20 out today for Thanksgiving, but my laptop charger cord is breaking on me, so my laptops been dead most of the day. I'm replacing it soon, so hopefully that won't happen again. Nonetheless, here's Chapter 19, enjoy!
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

Therapy was supposed to help right? That’s what Nat told him, why she insisted he see Doctor Westwood in the first place. But instead of feeling better, Clint only felt worse since he began seeing the shrink. Maybe it was just because he could hear Loki in the room above him sometimes (though not nearly as clearly as he’d suggested to Loki, that was just to fuck with him). Maybe it was being forced to see his tormentor daily, maybe it was remembering everything that’d be done to him in the first place.

Maybe it was the fact that he was actually sympathizing with Loki. The God was fantastic at hiding his emotion around other people, masking over it with some false smile and malicious laugh, but the last flashback he’d had… When Loki was talking about his time on Earth, he couldn’t hide his emotion from Clint. They were connected, linked by the sceptre. Loki could have been laughing the entire time he spoke, but it wouldn’t have changed the fact that Clint could feel the emotion coursing through Loki’s veins.

He could _still_ feel the emotion, the sadness, the anger- there was always _so much anger_ rolling off Loki in waves. If anything, Clint wished he could at least figure out where all the anger came from. Being denied the throne shouldn’t have caused Loki to fill with such hatred, something else had to have happened.

So he kept going back to Westwood. Despite the anxiety surrounding visiting the Doctor, he kept going back. Maybe, just maybe, Loki had let on to something else. Yeah, his lover was killed, but Loki said that was four hundred years ago. 

“Are you ready Agent Barton?” The familiar phrase rang through Clint’s ears, barely catching his attention. Nonetheless, he looked up, nodding and letting out an exhausted sigh.

_  
Loki made a point of avoiding Clint for the next few days. Actually, it seemed like he was avoiding everyone. The rest of the week, Loki just seemed to lurk about the shadows, keeping his own company, only venturing out every so often to inspect everyone’s work. With each passing day, his anxiety grew, as well as his irritability, though he sated his destructive impulses as they grew nearer to their deadline._

_Clint tried to interact with his boss, but if Loki didn't want to be found then Loki wouldn't be found. By the end of the week, Clint had barely seen the god and now he was expected to execute a plan he only understood subconsciously. It was well past sunset when Clint and the other cronies were boarded onto a plan. They were just about to take off when Loki finally joined them, dressed in a crisp black suit._

_"You seem nervous." Clint said calmly._

_"I am not." Loki snapped, sitting beside Clint, eyes glued ahead of him._

_“Didn’t mean any disrespect Sir.” Clint muttered back. Even with his mind not belonging to himself anymore, his underlying personality was still there, and if he was to be honest, he was getting real tired of Loki’s bullshit._

_But he could tell it was for a reason. Guarded as he was, Clint recognized the behavior. Loki was scared. Scared out of his wits. He wished he knew what was driving Loki, but the man kept his thoughts hidden. Despite their linked minds, Clint only caught flashes here and there, and only when Loki was at his most vulnerable, like when they were talking about the last time Loki was on Earth. His facade had broken temporarily, but now stronger than ever._

_Plane in the air, they were now heading towards wherever it was they were going. Clint knew what he was doing, to a degree, but he was also on a need-to-know basis, and Loki seemed to think Clint needed to know very little. Consciously, Clint was fine with that. He did what he was told and he took care of Loki when it was allowed. Subconsciously, Clint was screaming. Even working for S.H.I.E.L.D., Clint had a hard time following orders blindly. One of the few things Fury disliked about his employee._

_“Are we nearly there?” Loki asked after about two hours. Otherwise, the journey had been spent in utter silence._

_“About half an hour more Sir.” The pilot called back from the cockpit._

_His answer seemed to only rattle Loki to the bone. His eyes widened in panic, as if he only _just_ realized what he was doing. A deep breath and Loki was on his feet, hands clenching and unclenching. Clint didn’t even know what he was doing before he grabbed one of Loki’s hands and practically yanked him back down into the seat beside him, wasting no time in wrapping his arms around the other man and holding tight._

_Loki wriggled panickedly for a moment, like a cornered animal, but after a moment, allowed himself to relax a little._

_“Not nervous?” Clint asked, running his hand up and down Loki’s arm._

_“You’re almost more trouble than you’re worth Agent Barton.” Loki replied in lieu of an angry snap at Clint’s insubordination._

_“Almost. I’m just doing my job.”_

_“Hardly. I don’t recall ever ordering you to put your hands on me.” His voice was dripping with barely-controlled irritation._

_“You don’t order me to do most of the things I do.” Clint replied nonchalantly._

_“Regardless.”_

_Clint loosened his grip on Loki and the God straightened up, pulling away from Clint but meeting his gaze. They stared wordlessly for a second before Loki made a motion that nearly sent Clint out of his seat, or would have if he was in control of his actions. Loki gripped the front of Clint’s uniform and yanked him forwards, their lips crashing together. The God grabbed at the archer helplessly, like he thought maybe if he kissed him hard enough for long enough, whatever threat that was looming over his head would suddenly disappear._

_Clint complied, as he always did under Loki’s thrall. He immediately wrapped his arms around Loki’s waist, not holding onto the other as passionately or as needily, just enough to be there. But just as quickly as Loki had pushed himself against the archer, he pulled away, instantly averting his eyes and standing. At least he seemed more leveled now._

__

“Agent Barton?” Doctor Westwood was staring at him.

“I don’t need to continue, I know what happened after that. The farther away from Loki I was, the more I remember. Me and a few others broke into a building, stole something Selvig needed for the project, and we went back to headquarters. The next day, we launched the ‘rescue’ mission to retrieve Loki… I don’t think I was supposed to get left behind, but I was disposable, so when Natasha apprehended me, I was pretty much free. I was either unimportant enough to leave behind, or too much trouble to get. Maybe both.”

“You seem… concerned by this.” Westwood stated, giving Clint a sort of questioning look.

“...Not sure. There’s no reason I should be upset about it. I should be glad I wasn’t worth the effort.” Clint bit his thumbnail, eyes on the wall, lost in thought.

“But you’re not?”

Clint shrugged. “I can’t help but wonder… if there was a way I supposed to be released from whatever whammy Loki put on me, like… if there was a procedure from pulling someone out of it? Other than getting hit on the head really hard.”

“Do you think Loki would have released you?”

Another shrug. “If he was going to, he never mentioned it.”

Silence fell over them as the shrink scribbled in his notebook. Clint would be glad when he could stop coming here, the incessant scribbling while he spoke and when he didn’t speak, it was enough to drive anyone up the wall.

“You said he kissed you.” Westwood broke the silence, startling Clint a little. “What are your feelings on that?”

Clint was silent for a moment, still nibbling at his nail. Nervous habit probably, who knew. “Honestly, I don’t think much of it. It wasn’t like he did it to hurt me or take advantage or something gross like that, he was panicking and I was… convenient, y’know? He probably would have kissed anyone.” He laughed. “I’d hate to think what would’ve happened if Selvig had gone with him instead of me. The poor guy’s messed up enough as it is… also, y’know, ew.”

“Mm…” Westwood nodded, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “And what do you think of Loki now? How are you coping with him living with you?”

Another shrug. “We never see each other really. We run into each other here and there, but mostly he stays in his room, especially lately… He wakes me up at night sometimes. He like… has nightmares or something, but I’ve woken up to him thudding around and screaming above me.”

Westwood nodded. “I’m aware of his sleep disorder. You should sleep better soon, if he resumes his appointments again, I have several prescriptions written for him. Perhaps you could pass that on to Doctor Banner. He seems to be close to Loki, at least on friendly terms with him.”

“I don’t think anyone’s on friendly terms with Loki right now.”

“He’s getting worse?”

“You guessed it. Though, I guess it probably wasn’t that hard to figure out since he’s refusing to even come to these appointments anymore.” Clint replied. His eyes darted to the clock. 

“If you or one of the others could convince him to return, it’d be appreciated. Fury has taken the liberty of letting me know that, due to the nature of Loki’s psych eval, if he doesn’t continue to see me, he’ll have to go back to living here.” Westwood closed his notebook and turned to his computer. “Same time tomorrow?”

“Same time.” Clint stood, twisting left, then right, his spine letting out a couple quiet pops.

~~~

Outside, the weather had turned cold. It was nearing the end of November and the brisk Autumn wind was almost inescapable. It’d already snowed several times, patches of ice flaking the ground. Clint bundled his jacket around him as he made his way to his car.

Driving back, the memory he’d just regained swirled around in Clint’s brain. What he said was true, Loki was panicked and probably would have thrown himself at anyone, but he couldn’t help but dwell on it anyways. He was certain Loki hadn’t grown that ‘close’ to any of the other agents he’d worked with, so what made him special? Why’d Loki allow his guard to fall around Clint? Why’d he tell Clint about Fiore? Why did Loki even bother interacting with Clint? He’d sooner skewer the other workers than utter more than two words to them.

But then, if Clint _had_ been special somehow, why was he so disposable on the hellecarrier? _Had_ it been too risky to go back for him? Was Loki ashamed at what had happened between them, so he just decided to leave him behind? Or was he only ‘special’ because he was convenient? Because he followed Loki around like a lost puppy?

Clint let out a sigh. None of those questions would be answered any time soon, even if he went and asked Loki himself. Not that Loki would even open the door anyways. He’d gone to Loki’s room once since the God had barricaded himself in, and he got the same answer everyone had, which was an order to leave him alone.

Before he realized any time had passed, Clint was pulling into the parking garage. He was barely out of his car when someone else entered from the Tower. A few steps forward and he could see that it was Danni, hurriedly pulling on her coat and pulling out her keys. A few steps more and he could see the dark bruises that wrapped around her neck.

He quickened his pace, intercepting her. “Hey, are you alright?”

She looked up, visibly startled. “Oh- hey, yeah, I’m fine.”

Clint arched an eyebrow at her, making his glance down at her neck very obvious.

She laughed nervously, brushing it off. “That’s nothing, you should see how I left _him._ ”

Clint couldn’t even get a questioning glance in before she slipped into her car, starting the engine, and began pulling forwards.

 _Him?_ There was only one person in the tower Danni ever visited. He wasn’t even surprised though. It had only been a matter of time before Loki attacked Danni, he was just surprised she even managed to get out. Clint wasn’t entirely sure what sort of circumstances surrounded his banishment, for all he knew, Loki could be completely mortal, no magic or super strength of any sort. Even so, he was an incredibly skilled fighter. If Danni won, it was because Loki wanted her too.

Either way, it was a violation of Loki’s living conditions. Technically, if Loki so much as threatened anyone, he was supposed to be sent back to S.H.I.E.L.D. Clint quickly made his way up to Loki’s room, surprised when he found the door unlocked. Perhaps Danni had left it unlocked and Loki hadn’t bothered to lock it again.

Entering at his own risk, Clint stepped inside the room. The once beautiful living quarters had been reduced to a rat’s nest. At least half of the books had been torn from their shelves and now littered the floor. The piano bench was overturned and it’s contents lay where they fell. The bed was in an utter disarray, the pillows nowhere in sight.

Clint’s focus forgot the mess though when Loki exited the bathroom, drying his hands on his pants. He obviously hadn’t heard Clint enter, since he was visibly surprised at the man’s presence. Clint was more fascinated however by the state Danni had left him in. Even with the blood cleaned away, his face was discoloured. Dark circles were appearing under his eyes, his lip was cut in two places, swollen and blue, his nose was broken, and there was a small cut under Loki’s left eye.

“You look nice, going out somewhere?” Clint asked.

“Always the jokester.” Loki replied, as though nothing was wrong in the slightest. In fact, his old demeanor was returned, the one each of the Avengers had come to know. Clint knew it was nothing more than a facade to mask his true anguish though.

“Well, you know me. What’s the point of life if you’re gonna take it so seriously?”

“Interesting notion.” Loki snorted, closing the bathroom door behind him before folding his arms over his chest. “What do you want?”

“Ran into Danni in the garage. She said you were lookin’ pretty funny, had to come up and see it myself, and y’know, Danni does not disappoint.”

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“I was thinking the same thing. You wouldn’t mind if I framed it and hung it on my wall would you?”

Loki’s patients were running thin. “If that’s all you were here for, then move along. I’m not here for entertainment, I’m not going to put on a show for you.”

“Been there, done that?”

Loki huffed a small laugh. “Either a lucky guess or you’re smarter than you let on.”

Clint was caught off-guard. “Wait… seriously?”

Loki rolled his eyes, turning from Clint now to face his dresser, peeling off the shirt with blood stained down the front and digging through the top drawer for one to replace it. “Do you not read those silly legends the Norse wrote about us?”

“Some. Didn’t think they rang any truth. Is the one where you tied your junk to a goat’s beard true too?” It was possible Clint was having a little more fun with this than intended.

“Hardly. Skadi was a rigid carp. She never came to Asgard, Odin didn’t kill her father.” Loki replied, pulling on a new shirt. 

“Good to know I guess.” Clint shrugged and turned to leave, stopping just as he reached the door. “By the way, you do know what happened between you and Danni constitutes you have to go back to living at S.H.I.E.L.D., right? So does you not showing up for your therapy sessions.”

“Strange, its almost like I don’t _want_ to be here.” Loki replied, feigning a confused look on his face, as if it really was a strange coincidence.

Clint just shrugged and left, pulling the door shut behind him.

~~~

“I dare not make assumptions, though the looks on your faces suggest you found something useful.” Thor said as he and Volstagg were greeted outside Loki’s room by Sif and Fandral.

“Your assumption would be correct.” Sif replied, casting her gaze to Fandral as if encouraging him to tell the others their findings.

In response, Fandral lifted a tattered, leather-bound book. “One of Loki’s old journals.” He flipped to near the end of the book and handed it to Thor.

Thor scanned the pages before his eyes froze halfway down the second page. “This… how did he even come to learn of this? Not by stumbling upon it, it’s in the side of a cliff overlooking the ocean. He does not mention where he learned it.”

“Does it matter?” Sif asked. “We know now how to travel to Svartlheim, who cares how Loki knew about it?”

Thor nodded and closed the book. “You’re right Sif, ponderings for a later time. For now, we must focus on getting Jane and I there to confront Malekith.”

“I pray to the Norns your plan does not fail.” Sif said gravely.

Thor nodded. There was nothing to say that the others were not already thinking. “Let us begin then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/


	20. Deliverance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers come together to celebrate the Holidays, meanwhile Loki stays locked in his room until an old friend arrives to deliver news from Asgard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't slept yet, so this chapter is only one day late hush.  
> Consider this a sort of Turkey Day special, or whatever you want. The plan was to get it out /on/ Thanksgiving day, but like I said in my notes for Chapter 19, my laptop charger took a shit so. Better late than never, enjoy.
> 
> I now take my leave to edit section one and take a break from writing HB. Section two will probably come out after New Years.
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/

“So, you’ve got all your memories back for it then?”

“Yep, pretty much. I mean, some things are still a little fuzzy, but it was mostly stuff like Selvig explaining the machine we were working on, stuff I probably zoned out during, so.”

“How do you feel now?”

Clint rolled over onto his stomach, arms folded over his pillow, his cheek rested against them. He met Natasha’s gaze, not really sure how to answer her question.

“To be honest, I’m not really sure. I felt like it made things more complicated. I guess I’m glad to know I didn’t kill as many people as I thought I did and Loki never touched me in my no-no places, but other than that…”

“What do you mean?” Natasha’s brow knit in confusion.

“I mean…” He sighed. “I dunno, it’s just… It was easier when I hated Loki and thought he was just evil to the core, but now that I remember some of our interactions, I don’t know what to think. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still an absolute asshole, but… I feel like there’s more to him than we realize, something _causing_ him to act like such a tool, rather than it just ‘being in his nature’, you know?”

Natasha nodded. “You seem so surprised by that.”

Clint arched his eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She laughed. “Clint, you’ve always been about helping people. Your mission was to kill me, but you didn’t. Why?”

“Uhh… I dunno, I don’t like killing people. And you were just following orders you were trained to follow since you were a kid. It wasn’t really your fault.”

“But you weren’t confused about that. How is it any different than with Loki?”

Clint paused. How had he never made that connection before? Now that it’d been pointed out to him, Loki and Natasha were actually incredibly similar. Even their personalities were similar in a way. They wore different masks, but they still hid their true emotions under some false personality. Natasha hid hers by appearing unphased by things, Loki by pretending he was above such things.

“Got you stumped, huh?” Natasha flashed a smile at him, amused by the dumbfounded look plastered to Clint’s face now.

Clint chuckled. “You do that a lot.”

With that, Clint rolled closer, wrapping his hand around her waist and pulling her close. Their lips meant in a few chaste kisses before Nat finally pulled away, complaining about Clint’s morning breath. He rolled onto her, pinning her down and trying to kiss her again.

“Ew- no- Clint your breath smells like ass, get off me!” She protested, laughing and squirming beneath him. She freed her arms, planting her hands against his face and pushing him away.

Clint missed days like this, where he and Natasha just laid in bed together all day, only leaving to get food. They’d not had a lot of time to themselves since moving into the tower. Missions took up a lot of their time, and of course they had to spend time with their friends, it was so rare they were all home at the same time, and then Clint had been feeling so under the weather.

It was just nice. Unfortunately, all good things as they say. Clint practically begged Natasha to stay when she finally got up.

“You know I can’t. I promised Pepper and Bruce I’d help them in the kitchen today.” Nat replied simply, pulling on a pair of yoga pants and a plain, black t-shirt, throwing her hair up into a ponytail.

“Ugh, why do we even celebrate Thanksgiving?” Clint grumbled, shoving his face into his pillow.

“My theory is its an excuse for Tony to see if he can get Steve drunk.” She replied.

“...That would be entertaining…” Clint lifted his head and sat up, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. “You think its possible?”

“Probably not, but you know that won’t stop Tony from trying.”

“Very true.”

~~~

It was barely twelve and the kitchen was already hot, the air thick with the aroma of baking. Pepper was leaning over the oven, basting the turkey, Bruce was mixing something in a bowl (which, if you asked Steve, looked horrifying, but he wasn’t going to say anything), and Natasha had just walked in and was now putting on an apron to join the others.

“This gonna be your first Thanksgiving since you went under Cap?” Nat asked as Pepper directed to start pulling things out of the industrial sized refridgerator.

“Yup. Its definitely looking different already.”

“How’s that?” Pepper asked, finally closing the oven and brushing her hands off on her apron.

“Well for one, there’s food. Bucky and I got by, but Thanksgiving was never a big deal for us. We usually went over to his folks’ house, but even then we couldn’t afford much, and I was usually sick anyways.” Steve replied, popping another olive in his mouth. Bruce had to physically remove the can from the Captain’s vicinity to get him to quit eating.

“It sounds nice anyways. At least you got to spend it with people you love.” Pepper gave him a warm smile before turning to work on something else.

Most of the cooking was mostly prep and then waiting. Even so, the four hung out in the kitchen anyways, occasionally opening the oven or poking the jello in the fridge or stirring the sauce simmering on the stove. Bruce eventually pulled out cards and was playing some game he learned in India with Pepper, who picked it up surprisingly fast.

Tony occasionally came in and out of the kitchen, usually only to get chased out by Pepper for sticking his fingers in the pudding setting on the counter. Every time he came in, he had a glass in his hand. Apparently he’d started the Holiday as soon as he woke up. Pepper only kept her mouth shut about it _because_ it was a Holiday, but made a few warning hints about it.

Around 3, Steve finally took his leave. Getting on the elevator, he hit the button for the top floor, leaning against the back wall. It was too bad Thor, Jane, and Darcy were all in London. It seemed a little incomplete without them here. Ah well, maybe they’d show up later on. They didn’t say when they’d get back, so maybe they were already heading this way.

Steve almost choked when he reached his floor though. The doors opened and he was surprised to see several unfamiliar faces standing about, chatting idly with Tony, who immediately noticed Steve’s arrival and ushered him over.

“Hey Cap, this is Peter Parker, Deadpool, Kate Bishop, and Lucky.” Tony told him, pointing first at a young, skinny boy with shaggy, brown hair, then to the tall man dressed in red and black spandex, then the girl with long, black hair, then the dog at her side.

Steve smiled and waved. Kate shook his hand, Lucky licked his other, but Deadpool and Peter just stared in a deer-caught-in-the-headlights stupor.

“Uh… hi, I’m S-”

“Captain America!” Deadpool practically shouted the title, hands shooting up to cover his already-masked face. “This is the best day ever!!”

Steve retracted his hand, awkwardly shoving both into his pockets. He was used to the occasionally fan-ish attention, specifically from Coulson before… well, this was more than he was used to. Most people just got shakey and stuttered and had to leave, but Deadpool was practically in tears under his mask.

“So, uhm… How do you all know Tony?” He asked, changing the subject.

“I’ve worked with Tony a few times.” Peter replied, smiling shyly.

“I don’t, Lucky and I are old friends of Clint’s.” Kate said, patting the dog.

“And...Deadpool?” Steve asked, after the man stayed silent.

“You can call me Wade, its not a huge secret. I came here with my boyfrie-”

“Wade, I swear if you finish that, I’m gonna stick you to the window.” Peter interjected, staring Wade down.

Steve laughed nervously. “Well, alrighty then. Its nice to have you all for the Holiday. You’re all staying for dinner right?”

They all nodded and agreed in unison.

“Speaking of, Tony, have you heard from Thor lately?” Steve turned to Tony now.

“Not in several days. He’s probably busy with Jane. I think her mom lives out there, so they might be spending Thanksgiving with her.” Tony replied, sipping from his glass.

“Makes sense.” Steve nodded, a little disappointed. Out of everyone in the tower, Steve got along best with Thor. Not to say he didn’t get along with the others (except maybe Tony sometimes), he just considered himself closer with Thor.

“Well, best not to dwell, amiright? Here, have a drink.” Tony lifted a glass from behind him and offered it to Steve.

“Is that the best you could think of?” Steve asked musingly, taking the drink anyways.

“It worked didn’t it?”

~~~

Around 6, Natasha’s voice come over the intercom, letting everyone know dinner was ready and they all needed to get down to the dining hall. Clint was still in a towel from his shower, his hair a little damp. At the announcement, he finally dropped the towel into the hamper and pulled on real clothes. Quickly combing his hair into place, he left his room and got into the elevator. His finger hovered for a moment over the ‘50’ button, before going back up to ‘70’ and hitting it.

At Loki’s door, he knocked two or three times, before just letting himself in. The door was, again surprisingly, unlocked. Inside, the room still a wreck, the only difference was Loki had dragged the blanket and pillows back into place on his bed and was sprawled out beneath them, only visible by his one bare foot hanging off the edge.

Clint walked over, avoiding stepping on books and crumpled papers on his way. He reached out and pulled the pillows off Loki’s head, surprised to find that the man was still passed out.

“Hey… Loki.” His voice was quiet, but firm, just loud enough to rouse the man. When he still didn’t wake, he reached out and grabbed Loki’s shoulder. Only then did Loki’s eyes shoot open.

Loki jumped back, eyes wide and wild, scrambling back on the bed. Clint wasn’t sure what was said, but Loki had let out a few fearful words when he woke (If it weren’t for the fact that Clint spoke German, he would have assumed that was what Loki was speaking). His breathing was heavy, but started to slow as Loki realized who had touched him. Once the realization fully dawned on him, the look of panic was quickly replaced with a look of irritation.

“Most people knock.”

“I did. How the hell are you still asleep, its passed six in the evening. Its already starting to get dark outside again.” Clint folded his arms over his chest.

“What do you want?”

“Its a Holiday. Nat, Pepper, and Bruce have been in the kitchen cooking all day. Are you gonna come down to eat?”

Loki paused, considering the offer. He hadn’t eaten anything other than the dry-foods he kept in his room in nearly three days, and it’d been years since he’d attended a feast of any kind. But attending meant putting on clothes and looking presentable and leaving his room and interacting with people and uuuggghhhh.

“No, thank you.”

Clint sighed, holding his tongue. He’d hoped if anything was going to draw the mess of a man out of his room, it would have been the promise of food, and lots of it. It would have worked with Clint. Fuck, it _did_ work with Clint, he wanted to stay in bed today too.

“Well, if Steve doesn’t eat everything, I’ll bring you something afterwards.” Clint said simply before exiting the room.

Loki squinted his eyes at the comment. Not only had Clint ‘swung by’ his room more times in the past three days than he had in the past three months he’d been here, he was also offering to bring him food and… for what? Why was he suddenly acting so nice to him? It didn’t sit right with Loki. His stomach tied in knots and he hated Clint just a little more for it.

When Clint reached the dining hall, he was quickly greeted with Kate throwing her arms around him, as well as Lucky jumping onto them both.

“Heyyy!” Clint hugged Kate back, lifting her off the floor a few inches. “I’ve missed you guys!”

After everyone had greeted each other and finished with idle chatter, they moved to the table and sat down. For the benefit of some of the guests, they said a quick prayer before digging into the feast before them. The table was overflowing with food, several items left on the counter nearby as there was no room left on the table.

The first half of the meal was spent in utter silence as everyone was too enthralled with the food to be bothered with anyone beside them. Tony was the first one to speak up, seeing as he’d not stopped drinking since he woke up and was considerably intoxicated by now. He congratulated the cooks on a job well done and muttered something about this being the best Thanksgiving he’d had since his parents died, but that was muffled by him ungracefully shoving a roll into his mouth. The entire thing. He didn’t even take a bite, he just shoved the whole thing into his mouth.

“This is the best Thanksgiving I’ve had… well, ok, two years ago, I got a coupon for all-you-can-eat tacos, this comes second to that.” Wade concurred, though getting derailed. His mask was rolled up to his nose, though you could still barely see what was underneath as his lips and chin were covered in grease and gravy.

“I gotta admit, that sounds pretty good, but I still gotta go with this year. I don’t think I’ve ever had turkey better than this one.” Clint agreed, shaking his turkey leg matter-of-factly.

“Thank you Clint! Its an old family recipe.” Pepper beamed gratefully.

“Well then I thank your ancestors, because this has been fantastic.” Kate chimed in, plucking a small piece of meat from her plate and tossing it to Lucky.

“Too bad Pepper and I won’t be here for Christmas too.” Tony piped up, his words just a tad slurred.

“Why’s that?” Steve asked, taking a sip from his glass, which Tony had taken the liberty of filling with champagne.

“We’re going back to California next week. I’ve got a bunch of business meetings, Tony has to make another appearance at Stark Expo, just a bunch of stuff, we won’t be back until after New Years. I think we’re spending the holidays with Rhodey.” Pepper replied.

“That’s too bad, its really nice spending the holidays with you guys. Usually Clint and I just pick up a few bottles of jack and spend the evening in his dumpy apartment.” Natasha said, swiping a napkin over her face.

“Dump- Nat, I thought you liked my apartment.” Clint gave her a pouting face.

“Oh, no, I do… When you clean it. I especially liked it better after you quit smoking, the whole place reeked.”

“I didn’t know Clint used to smoke.” Pepper said, surprised.

“For nearly ten years. I’m just lucky he smoked outside for Lucky’s sake when we were living together. I don’t think I would have been able to stand our apartment smelling like cigarettes.” Kate replied.

“Yeah, yeah, what’s a Holiday without getting your past ragged on?” Clint laughed, leaning back in his chair and bringing his beer bottle to his lips.

Wade had opened his mouth to say something, but paused and stared past Clint instead. Everyone slowly followed his lead, causing Clint to turn as well. In the doorway was Thor, clad in full Asgardian armour. Jane stood behind him, as well as Darcy and Selvig. Although hidden behind the others, Sif, Volstagg, and Fandral all stood idly in the hall behind them. They all looked a little worn, but Thor was covered in scrapes and blood and dirt.

“Thor… What happened?” Natasha asked, moving sideways in her seat in case she needed to stand up.

“I will explain later. Where is Loki?”

Everyone fell silent for a moment. They were all thinking the same thing, that Loki had somehow caused the trouble Thor seemed to have just gotten back from.

“He’s in his room.” Clint was the one to reply. Thor nodded and exited, leaving the other six in his place.

“Thor-” Fandral started to call out for Thor’s attention, but wound up having to run after him.

“So uhm… you got room for five more?” Darcy asked, clearly only interested in the food on the table.

~~~

After Clint left, Loki had spent the next hour standing in the shower, just letting the hot water fall over him. When his fingers began to wrinkle, he finally shut off the water and got out. Despite not having anywhere to go, he stilled dressed. He pulled on a pair of loose-fitting black leggings and an even looser grey sweater. 

Standing in the bathroom, he stared into the mirror, unsure for how long. The cuts on his lip and cheek had started to heal, though the swelling and discolouration only seemed worse. His cheek was lumpy and sore to the touch. His bottom lip was almost black, his nose a variety of shades of purple, and the circles under his eyes were just as dark.

Sitting down on the couch at the foot of his bed and flipping through one of the discarded books, he almost regretted not going to dinner. His stomach growled horribly and he’d run out of food just before the nap Clint had interrupted. Surely he could have put up with the Avengers long enough to eat. Though, if Clint’s words rung any truth, he’d be up soon enough with a plate of food for him.

Which only drew his thoughts back to the man himself. What was with the sudden change of heart? Why did Clint keep checking up on him? The man was impossible to read, it was one thing Loki truly admired about the archer. Even when he had him under his thrall, reading him was nearly impossible. He could feel the other’s emotion (as little as it was, as the thrall kept it in check and suppressed), he could sense when Clint was feeling doubtful. When Loki kissed Clint, he could feel a number of emotions, emotions he still thought about.

There was the initial surprise, confusion, that need to keep Loki happy that was ever-present under the sceptre’s influence, but towards the end, he felt… contentment? It almost felt like Clint had been hoping for something like that to happen. Perhaps it was the spell, perhaps any attention Loki gave him instilled him with that sense of completion. The others under the spell certainly seemed happy when Loki paid attention to him.

Of course, these were all ponderings that wouldn’t be answered. Even if Loki asked, even if Clint remembered, there was no way Clint would want to talk about it, especially just to fuel Loki’s ego, or whatever it was that made him so curious. Loki was always amazed at his absolute inability to read his own feelings. He read others like a book, but when it came to his own feelings, they were an utter enigma.

The knock at the door tore Loki from his thoughts. Almost as if he’d been conditioned, the sound of knocking triggered a loud growl from his stomach. Surely that was Clint at the door, seeing as no one else ever visited him. Even Doctor Banner had given up lately. Loki pulled himself to his feet and walked over to the door, pulling it open.

 

“Thor!” Fandral caught up to Thor at the elevator, slipping in alongside the man when the doors slid open. “If its not too bold of me to request, perhaps I should be the one to tell Loki.”

Thor looked at Fandral, confusion splayed clearly on his face. “Why?”

“You said it yourself, your relationship with him has been rockier than ever, and if he’s as unstable as you say… I fear the news could send him into a fit. Perhaps it best he hear it from someone he doesn’t hate…?”

Thor considered the words. He knew, of course, Fandral was right. Thor was the last person Loki wanted to see, and to hear news of the nature he was about to deliver, perhaps it was best to allow someone else to do. Who better than Fandral anyways? He’d always been closer to Loki than any of their other friends, though he wasn’t entirely sure why, but never once had they squabbled, even over something petty. He supposed they were close, but not close enough to argue.

“Very well. Thank you, Fandral.”

“It is the least I can do. Go, eat with your friends.”

The elevator stopped on Loki’s floor. Fandral got off, Thor stayed. He wished the other man a good luck before closing the doors and returning to the others. Fandral took a deep breath before knocking on the door. He didn’t have to wait long before Loki answered, looking confused and somewhat disappointed at seeing Fandral.

“W-...What are you doing here?” Loki asked, the confusion taking more precedence than whatever was disappointing him.

“Volstagg, Sif, and myself returned to Midgard with Thor this evening… You see, there has been… an incident, on Asgard. We thought it best to give the All-Father time to come to his sense before we returned.”

Loki listened, unsure of what it was Fandral was getting at, though he understood this would probably be a long story, so he stepped aside for Fandral to come inside.

“Loki, in all your studies, I’m sure you know about the Dark Elves? About Malekith?” Fandral asked, stepping inside.

Loki returned to his spot on the couch. “Of course. He was trying to revert the nine realms back to a time of darkness. Bor stopped him and Malekith disappeared. What of it?”

“And you know of the weapon he used?”

“Yes… The Aether… What are you getting at?”

“Jane Foster accidentally found it and was infected with it. Thor brought her to Asgard because at the time they did not know what it was. Malekith sensed it’s activity and came to Asgard looking for it. He brought an army with him. They attacked Asgard and… in their search…”

Loki was growing tired of Fandral’s games. “Spit it out!”

“Loki… in the attack, Queen Frigga perished.”

Loki froze. His blood ran cold and his heart seemed to stop beating. Instincts kicked in and he nodded at Fandral and thanked him for delivering the information. Unsure of what help he could offer, Fandral offered a quiet “of course” before leaving Loki to his own devices.

Slowly, Loki’s head turned to face forward again. His gaze fell to stare at the wall ahead of him, yet he could barely see it. For the first time in years, his mind fell silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! http://birdwithakeyboard.tumblr.com/


End file.
